Hi there.. yes I have experienced aggression with my MIL. What we do now is NOT challenge it. We allow her to go on.. she ends up walking backwards and forwards to the kitchen from her bedroom - pours some water in her cup, sips it, tips it away .. then goes back to her room... this can go on for about an hour... (now i must add here this is normally a lady that can hardly walk - she shuffles a lot of the time - but when agressed boy she can walk / run as fast if not faster than we can!).. we let her go through the emotions... then when she settles.. I re go into her and say it is time to get into bed... i have a few moments of 'tantrums' ie throwing her clothes.. but keeping the same tone all the time I dont argue with her.. i let her do her thing as I call it.. she then gets into bed and that is that..
If aggression gets bad the thing is to walk away and ignore it.. dont say anything - because you wont win.. it is pointless fueling it.. eventually they will sit down or lay down and then it is all over till the next time.. But we have been told by our Alzheimer guy - that if the hitting out gets worse then it is time to do something about it. 9/10 you can challenge it down if you are the dominant carer.. but it does get to a point where nothing you say works.. the MIL is right and that is that..
Personally i keep the same tone in my voice - I dont raise it - I keep it exactely the same - this can rattle her - but she gets less and less when she realises I am not challenging her - and she thinks she has won the battle..
The hardest part of all of this is that you think it is aimed directly at you when infact it is not.. But 'WE' as carers
do take it to heart.. that is normal... because you care and are there.. and this is very very very hard to get it in our heads that this person we are caring is ill and does not know what they are doing... rising above it is the key.. but it is very hard to do... how nurses do it everyday is beyond me... but then i suppose they are trained as we are not....
Like our MIL you could honestly beleive that she knows
exactely what she is doing - and is doing it deliberately to wind you up - it is so convincing - then you have to try to stand back and remember that it is the dementia doing it..
But as the others have said if the agression is 'bad' hitting out excetra then get some outside help... because it is needed..... you do not have to put up with aggression.
I wish you well.. I hope my points from our experiences help in some way..
PS also a lock on your door would be good.. we have done that and it gives us a bit of privacy and security to our minds... when MIL trys to get in the rattling of the knob wakes us... but it gives peace of mind...