Advice please

[MrsChristmas]

My elderly mother (90) has been showing signs of dementia for nearly a year now. She has refused all help from the doctors. She says that she is okay and wants to be left alone. Mum is confused, repetitive, vague and lacks concentration. I see her most days because she lives next door to me and I am her daughter.

I have received some amazingly helpful advice from the people on this forum which I have taken on board and used with some success. I don't give mum choices now and I do all of her shopping on line which has taken the stress away of going shopping with her. I take her out for lunch and a day out every week and I just address her needs not her wants. I know that this sounds harsh but it is self preservation.

Mum does spent lots of time on her own, watching tv, doing the crossword in the daily paper and seems reasonably content. She has no sense of time passing and doesn't know the day, month or year sometimes. She has a terrible fear of being taken into care and I think this is what is behind her fear of going to her GP.

She is pretty good at going for things like urine test, ECG and blood tests though and will go to the hospital for help with her glaucoma. However, when it came to any issues with her memory then she became very stubborn and refused to see the GP for a memory test.

Mum recently went for a routine blood test and the results tell her that she has chronic kidney disease and she is to contact the surgery for an appointment.

Does anyone know if CKD triggers dementia? Mum is extremely frail and has lost a lot of weight. I am not sure she is eating properly. Does anyone have any experience of this with an elderly relative. Does it get worse, what is the treatment? Would it affect mum staying her home or would she have to accept outside help?

Any advice, info or thoughts would be most welcome.

Thank you

MrsC

 

[fizzie]

awwwwwwwwwwww I think a lot of older people are terrified of going into care. Sometimes we forget that the old workhouses are firmly within their living memories and their parents would have dinned into them how terrible it is to be out of work, how they would lose everything and be incarcerated into a workhouse where they would become a nobody. Frighteningly terrifying institutions as were mental institutions, I can remember my Grandmother clearly talking about these things and when I first started working I used to work on the horrific geriatric wards which were very often based in the old workhouses. Fear.

My Mum was terrified of going into care and with a lot of work we managed to avoid it for her but sometimes it can't be. A day centre would be a good option and extends the length of time people stay independent often (and helps carers hugely). Perhaps you could sell it to her as a lunch club? It is likely that she isn't eating properly, possibly because she forgets, loses track or has simply lost her appetite. I do think that people find it difficult to identify pain so it might be worth a dental check just to make sure it isn't physical although if you go out to lunch together you probably would have spotted that, sometimes it is just lack of company which a lunch club would solve.

I can't help you on the CKD triggers it but it might be that she has a urinary tract infection or simply that she isn't drinking enough which would dehydrate and exacerbate any existing kidney problems. The only way to attempt to combat that is by constant encouragement and perhaps leaving out a jug of her favourite cold drink by the side of her so that she just keeps pouring it out. Dehydration will become a real problem in the coming months - another reason why a day centre would take the stress of you.

Take care, keep posting xx

 

[Sue J]

Hi Mrs C

I don't think you sound harsh at all, addressing your Mother's needs is the priority, her wants then should come secondary to your needs , when they're met then wants can be considered. It may sound harsh but pragmatism steps in sometimes in order to just get through.

It is interesting what you say about your mother having chronic kidney disease, has this never been identified before? In light of this I would be careful pushing fluids too much before speaking to the Dr. Patients with kidney disease often have fluid restrictions depending on their kidney function.

Having my own dementia symptoms for 7 years now one of them being I know my kidneys don't always function properly, but not all of the time, so I think for me it is part of what is happening in the brain. Depending on what part/s of the brain are affected any body system function can be altered. Best thing though don't worry about it and its implications until you understand more from the Dr.

Best wishes to you and your Mum
Sue