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Advice please


Registered User
Sep 1, 2014
Hope someone can help..........my mob has vascular dementia has been on another turning point this weekend, she thought my sister still lived with her, when I told our mom she hasn't lived with her for 40 years, she lives with her husband and has been married for over 10 years, mom now thinks my sister got married in secret and didn't invite mom to her wedding. I tried to explain that she didn't get married in secret and mom went to the wedding but she doesn't believe me, I have said to mom why don't you talk to my sister about it and all mom says is that she's not going to say anything to my sister because she didn't invite her to the wedding. Mom got agitated and angry with me because she obviously thought I'd been invited and she hadn't so I let the conversation drops or the time. My sister and I are wondering if we show mom her wedding photos which she is obviously in them. will it make her more angry or more confused ? Or not mention it. We don't know what to do for the best. Thanks for reading


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
It's very difficult, but it's often no use trying to convince someone when they've got this sort of idea in their head. It can go right against the grain, but going along with it. - Oh, Lord, dear me, I had no idea - or, Well, I'll certainly have to see about that, etc. is often the least stressful way. I had similar things with my mother - even cast iron proof would not have convinced her - and if I tried rational explanations, however patient, she would just get angry and accuse me of being 'in league' with whoever it was.


Registered User
Sep 1, 2014
Your mom lives in a different reality many decades back where your sister was not married yet. There really is no point trying to correct her. Agree with her, then distract. Here is a very good particle about compassionate communication: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
Thank you so much for the link, I know it's going to be very useful, I've already taken a copy for myself and also forwarded it to my sister.

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