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Advice please!


Registered User
Dec 23, 2012
Bridport, dorset
Hi, I'm in a bit of a pickle and don't know how to handle everything. I'm 24 and live at home with my dad, who has Alzheimer's. My mum passed away 3 years ago, very suddenly and me a my 2 brothers have been caring for my dad ever since. I find it very hard to care for dad and we all can't get used to it. We have carers that come in every morning for 45 mins to give dad a bath, give him breakfast and leave him some lunch. This afternoon I have a meeting with social services, which I believe they're going to push for putting dad in a care home. I have thought about this a lot over the last few weeks, I believe it would be best for dad but he told me years ago he would rather die than go into a home. I can't help but feel guilty about considering it but it would make life an awful lot easier, is that selfish? Also they're complications with money, whereas we all still live at home, so how would care be paid for?! He also has a mortgage on the house, which between the 3 of us, we can't pay!! Just wondered if anyone has any advice? Thanks
Sarah xxxx


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
Radcliffe on Trent
Hello Pitcher15. Glad you found TP, there are lots of experts on here who can help. There are two issues here: what is the best way to meet your Dad's needs, and how would that care be funded. The first step should be a comprehensive assessment of needs by SS so at the meeting you will need to talk about what he can manage and what he can't do without your family's support. You need to be as honest as you can and not minimise the concerns.

You don't say how the current care support is bring paid for, but basically LA will want to know his full financial circumstances and will then assess whether he would be self-funding or whether their would be some assistance with the costs. It's hard to advise what might happen without a bit more detail. Does your Dad receive Attendance Allowance and have reduced council tax payments? If not you should be able to apply for these and if SS can't help with that ask for help from local AS or Age UK branches.

Keep posting and try to tackle one issue at a time, it will get sorted eventually.
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Registered User
May 7, 2012
This sounds extremely complicated with 3 still living at home and a mortgage still on the house.

I remember when my 2nd cousin was still living in his parents home they said they could not force him out of his home, but then there was no mortgage to pay. Are you sure that between 3 of you you cannot afford to pay it if push came to shove.

I guess you won't know what would happen until the social services come to discuss it all with you.

In normal circumstances they expect the home to be sold to fund care in a home, but with a mortgage still on the property and 3 children still living in it I really don't know what they will say.

Sorry I can't be of better help.



Registered User
May 18, 2014
You should talk to your local CAB [Citizens Advice] they will help you through every step with paperwork and talk you through everything you need to know and do.


Registered User
Sep 17, 2010
Just a thought - when your Mum dies did she will her share of the house to "the kids" or to your Dad? It might make a difference.

If "the kids" have been paying the mortgage for a bit, then I'd have thought you might have a right to get your money back after the sale of the house ... you really do need good advice from CAB.

Don't agree to any financial arrangements at the meeting with Social Services ... explain you're taking advice from CAB.