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Advice please

Grace1937

New member
Apr 22, 2021
1
0
My 88 year old father has advancing Alzheimer’s and his main carer is my 83 year old Mum. She has identified that he is having difficulties getting in and out of a bath. He currently gets in and kneels whilst he washes but then struggles to get off his knees holding onto the taps and a grab rail whilst my Mum tries to help him as much as she can (Usually pulling on his left arm). We have tried an inflatable bath cushion but they didn’t get on with that.
My father is showing signs of increasing physical and mental frailty and Mum and I have identified that converting one bathroom into a shower room would provide many benefits even more so as his occasional continence mishaps increase.
My Mum is in favour but my father is blocking the work. We have tried discussing it from all angles and he acknowledges that we are well intentioned but blocks it on the grounds he can still get in and out of the bath now. Any attempt to look ahead to meet his future needs are blocked.
What should we do? The prospect of leaving him in a situation where ultimately he is going to fail to be able to get out of the bath seems wrong because its like watching a potential crisis unfurl. Mum and I could go ahead with the work but that will mean overriding him which I know will leave him feeling very angry and frustrated which is perfectly understandable.
I know other families must have faced a similar problem and I I would really appreciate your advice. Thank you.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,044
0
N Ireland
Hello @Grace1937 and welcome to the forum. I'm sure you will find it a friendly, informative and supportive place.

With my wife I have found that she is resistant to change but that when I go against her wishes she will have her moan but then settle down. There comes a time when 'needs' outweigh 'wants' and decisions just have to be made.

I wonder if your parents have had the needs assessments to which they are both entitled as some help/solutions may result from an assessment.

If you aren't yet aware of the system you can read about it by clicking the 2nd line of the following link to the relevant Society Factsheet
Assessment for care and support in England (418)
PDF printable version

I hope that helps and I wish you and your family strength.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,165
0
leicester
My husband was allotted an electric bath seat by the OT no cost to us and he was quite happy to use it he didn’t like showers.
Could you get an OT assessment for your husband some times if it comes a professional it works better than from a family member...
 

Buckles

Registered User
Oct 4, 2020
25
0
I would probably just appeal it to your dad on the basis of needing it for your mum. Say you're worried she will fall and he wouldn't want that etc. Or lie - somethign broke and it needs replaced, sometimes a lie is the only solution.

It is worth trying the OT but it sounds like eventually you will need a shower, with a shower seat (when we got ours done it revolutionised personal care)

good luck
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,342
0
Victoria, Australia
I usually tackle things like that by firstly making up my mind about what I am going to do and then maneuver things so that my husband thinks it was his idea. I work on the notion that it is not about what he wants but what our needs are.

I have noticed with my husband the more I try to coax him the more obstructive he becomes so I tend to simply forge ahead and do what I think is best.

If he still resists, I will tell him that I am going to go ahead anyway and he will get over it eventually. He can get stroppy if he wants but it wouldn't stop me from doing what is an essential safety item.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
444
0
My 88 year old father has advancing Alzheimer’s and his main carer is my 83 year old Mum. She has identified that he is having difficulties getting in and out of a bath. He currently gets in and kneels whilst he washes but then struggles to get off his knees holding onto the taps and a grab rail whilst my Mum tries to help him as much as she can (Usually pulling on his left arm). We have tried an inflatable bath cushion but they didn’t get on with that.
My father is showing signs of increasing physical and mental frailty and Mum and I have identified that converting one bathroom into a shower room would provide many benefits even more so as his occasional continence mishaps increase.
My Mum is in favour but my father is blocking the work. We have tried discussing it from all angles and he acknowledges that we are well intentioned but blocks it on the grounds he can still get in and out of the bath now. Any attempt to look ahead to meet his future needs are blocked.
What should we do? The prospect of leaving him in a situation where ultimately he is going to fail to be able to get out of the bath seems wrong because its like watching a potential crisis unfurl. Mum and I could go ahead with the work but that will mean overriding him which I know will leave him feeling very angry and frustrated which is perfectly understandable.
I know other families must have faced a similar problem and I I would really appreciate your advice. Thank you.
Hi my dad was doing the same
Ive got a bath seat with legs that suction onto bath very good so far
My dad was not washing himself i was spying through the door
So i have to help him he sits on seats uses grab rail to get in out of batb
Get talller seat not low seat or will be to low down
Dad can swing hes legs round
I was waiting on oc coming but silly social worker useless cancelled it
 

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