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Advice on moving Mum?


Registered User
Dec 10, 2012

I could do with some advice please, hopefully this hasn't posted twice as my screen shut down when I submitted it last time!

I have taken time off of work to look after my Mum. I live a long way away from her and it has been impossible to try and handle things from so far away and work full time.

I have a social care worker assessing Mum and she has suggested that Mum moves from her sheltered accommodation to be nearer me.

I would love to have my Mum nearer me but they are suggesting that she moves in to accommodation on her own.

My query is this, Mum is very confused, she's 87 and surely moving her at this stage would just make her worse? The care worker seems to think Mum would be bad for a couple of weeks but then forget where she was previously anyway.

I have misgivings about it as I doubt if another Sheltered Housing Scheme would take Mum at this stage and would it be fair to put her through all the upheaval only to then have to move her into a home anyway?

Would she almost be better to move into a home at this stage where she could be close to me so I can visit her and she is safe and well cared for before she gets worse.

She is now at the stage where she is having falls isn't washing and doesn't know what on earth she is doing most of the time.

She has carers that will come in everyday once I go home and I know that we could have them come in twice a day but it's the in-between times where no ones there and she's taking stuff out of the freezer putting glass shelves in the oven and all the other things she does that make me think that time is running out for independent living.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you



Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
Hi susanandliam :)

I'm sorry you are having this dilemma. It is never easy or possible to predict the future. The one thing we do know, though, is that your mum's condition will not improve. It sounds from what you say that she cannot really live alone safely now. She would have great difficulty in settling into a new flat, and even more so in having to move again. So I think you are right, you should definitely consider a care home for her.

I wonder why the social worker is not thinking this way. Is it a funding issue? Would your mum need financial support from the local authority for a placement? If so, they may be trying to find an adequate option that is also cheaper than a care home?

If your mum is self funding, you can arrange a placement yourself without reference to the social worker. Well, financially, anyway.....how you actually move your mum is a different question!

Wishing you all the best :)

Lindy xx

PS Having read this through, I'm thinking that there is just an outside chance that 'extra care housing' could meet your mum's needs for the moment. This is basically sheltered housing, but with 24 hour availability of carers. Your mum would probably be allocated so many hours a week, according to need, then they would also also respond to emergencies if needed. Perhaps worth looking to see what's available near you. It's a long shot, though :) xx
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Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Its always difficult to know what is going to happen, but I think I agree with you that her next move aught to be to a CH. Whether this is going to be soon, or whether it will be a while before this happens is impossible to predict, though.

I would suggest that you start looking at CHs in your area to get an idea what is out there and how much they cost. Remember that if she is not self-funding then the LA will only pay a certain amount towards it and anything above this would need a top-up payable by the family.
Once you have somewhere that you like and can afford then put her name down on the waiting list - most places have one. If a place comes up, you dont have to take it if you feel it is too soon and she can still remain on the waiting list. It means you have a "safety net" if your mum starts to deteriorate quite quickly.