Advice needed

[Blondie81]

Hi,

I am the main carer for my mum who has Alzheimer's for the last 12 years. She is now for the last 5 been housebound. In the last 3 months she has had 4 UTI's. And her appetite is very poor she will drink and eat when she wants to. Everything is done for her she is completely relying on other people. I had started to talk about putting her in a care home when COVID happened then it was put on back burner. But I'm now at a stage when I just don't know how much more I can cope with being the main carer. I know she has definitely progressed a stage and I don't want her in a home. But this could go on for another couple of years. I talk like this and then the guilt appears and feel like I'm drowning in it. It's the most cruel disease she is such a good person and my heart is broke with it all.

 

[Kevinl]

If it was me daughter writing about me in the way you have, I'd tell her to got me a care/nursing home ASAP.
I didn't have children to be my carers, OK I did care for my late wife and it isn't easy, I don't want them doing it for me, mum too, had my own little care home of my own at my house.
My children understand that when I can't cope alone I go into care, that's what I want to happen.
Hope that helps. K

 

[canary]

Hi @Blondie81

Do you have carers coming in to help you? If not, this could be a way of keeping her at home for longer.
If you do already have carers coming in 4 x a day and its not enough, then I really do think that you are looking at a care/nursing home. I think we all feel guilty when we get to this stage, but once their needs are too much for us, making sure that our loved one is getting the care that they need is not failure.

Contact Social Services for a needs assessment
xx

 

[Blissy]

You shouldn't be feeling guilty as you have done so much already for your Mum. Having said that I am sure if the time comes to consider putting my husband in a home I will feel the same. I agree with Kevinl, not sure if you have any daughters but would you want them to be in your position? From the way you describe your Mum as a good person if she had capacity would she want you to be feeling as you are. I will certainly be telling my daughters not to feel guilty about putting me in a home should the situation arise although I am sure even then it wouldn't be an easy decision.

 

[Ellie2018]

Although you will feel guilt, it might actually be better for your mum, you can’t care for someone the way a home and staff can. You could even find she feels better for it.