Hello, I am asking for advice as my wife is very concerned about the welfare of her 97 year old father. He has had dementia for a number of years when his wife died we tried to look after him initially but his care needs were too much (he was not safe to leave for any time) and he has been in a care home for 6 years. It took him some months to settle, but whilst he has absolutely no short term memory, thankfully, he did get used to his surroundings. It helped that he found a female resident who he believes is his wife on a sub conscious level and she believes he is her husband. or at least that they are both boyfriend or girlfriend - it is hard to explain but it works for them both, Whilst it is very hard for my wife, she understands that this is very important to her dad's welfare. We visit him every week and have learned what to say to him - talking about his football playing and army days which he loves. Even though he forgets we have been the minute we leave and he doesn't really know who we are.
Recently, he developed a bladder infection that requires a catheter. This is quite serious and our understanding is he will require the catheter for the rest of his life. He has been living in his care home with his catheter for a few months without a major issue, but a few weeks ago, he apparently pulled it out, had to go to hospital, was then sent back to the care home and pulled it out again. He has been in hospital for a couple of weeks (he is still there now). When he is in a strange new environment he gets distressed and confused and can hit out which I think it is understandable as he is frightened so this is not great. He is settled in his current home and any change should be avoided in our opinion,
My wife received a call today from his care home. They said the hospital has told them he can no longer stay at the care home and that we need to find him a new one (He is a self funder). She is distressed as nobody has discussed this with her and sought her input. We are both concerned that moving him may be a sound clinical decision but it may not be so sound in relation to his health and wellbeing. He is frail and will be very distressed. We don't know what the best home for him is and we want to ensure he is not too far away from us, the only family that can visit him. We don't really want him separated from the woman he has befriended as their closeness has helped them both. It was good fortune and cannot be prescribed! Doctors don't seem to take any of that into account. We also like his current care home, we trust he is well looked after there. We are flabbergasted that nobody has spoken to us about this from the hospital. If he needs to move home because of his health, can't his health needs be met in the place he is comfortable in? We are concerned that a move will kill him.
If he has to move shouldn't the reason be fully explained. And is it possible we know more than the doctors. My wife did have a strange call a few days ago from the hospital asking questions about him being violent and she was a bit put out as teh person asking them did not seem to have a proper grasp of the dementia and that he is only aggressive when he is frightened and confused. We desperately need advice.
Recently, he developed a bladder infection that requires a catheter. This is quite serious and our understanding is he will require the catheter for the rest of his life. He has been living in his care home with his catheter for a few months without a major issue, but a few weeks ago, he apparently pulled it out, had to go to hospital, was then sent back to the care home and pulled it out again. He has been in hospital for a couple of weeks (he is still there now). When he is in a strange new environment he gets distressed and confused and can hit out which I think it is understandable as he is frightened so this is not great. He is settled in his current home and any change should be avoided in our opinion,
My wife received a call today from his care home. They said the hospital has told them he can no longer stay at the care home and that we need to find him a new one (He is a self funder). She is distressed as nobody has discussed this with her and sought her input. We are both concerned that moving him may be a sound clinical decision but it may not be so sound in relation to his health and wellbeing. He is frail and will be very distressed. We don't know what the best home for him is and we want to ensure he is not too far away from us, the only family that can visit him. We don't really want him separated from the woman he has befriended as their closeness has helped them both. It was good fortune and cannot be prescribed! Doctors don't seem to take any of that into account. We also like his current care home, we trust he is well looked after there. We are flabbergasted that nobody has spoken to us about this from the hospital. If he needs to move home because of his health, can't his health needs be met in the place he is comfortable in? We are concerned that a move will kill him.
If he has to move shouldn't the reason be fully explained. And is it possible we know more than the doctors. My wife did have a strange call a few days ago from the hospital asking questions about him being violent and she was a bit put out as teh person asking them did not seem to have a proper grasp of the dementia and that he is only aggressive when he is frightened and confused. We desperately need advice.
