Advce Please


Registered User
Apr 5, 2006
where do i start?

All last year mum underwent lots of tests until finally AD was diagnosed and she is under a consultant at the memory clinic.

I work full time-3.5 miles away from where i live and until recently have gone to mum's before work in the morning to do breakfast and medication (she lived on route to work) then back in the evening to pick her up and take her to mine for her evening meal and medication. I would leave her soup and a sandwich for lunch as she was capable of using her microwave to heat the soup.

Although this was time consuming and i was exhausted,i was able to cope because i had a routine and i enjoyed my job.

I had enquired at work about carers flexibility and reducing my hours pre-empting the day when mum would need more supervision and this time has come. I was finding that she had not eaten her lunch and had started to have to route in her bin (and smell the dog's breath) as i no longer knew whether she had eaten it or thrown it away.

back to work- I had gone from working in a team of 17 to .......... TWO! customer services-call stats/performance levels/abandoned call rates. The job had become impossible to do and i found i couldn't cope with the stress of work and looking after my mum so i ended up being signed off work for a month with work related stress and all the websites i went on delivered the same message. Bad management.

The bottom line is that the site i am at now is closing down and relocating 30 miles away and in the individual consultation meetings i have said from the start that i cannot go that far. The reply they have come back with is that that my circumstances are not exceptional-well they are to me!

Mum has now moved in with me and her care plan is being reassessed as i feel she now needs more supervision and if the company was staying where it is now i would have started coming home at lunchtime.

All my colleagues are behind me but they are powerless and my dept rep is going to help me appeal. I should explain that if i win i will get a (small )severance package but it will give me peace of mind at christmas whereas if i don't i will have to resign and i have refused to do that.

My doctor has signed me off with depression and i have only been taking a low dose sri for 3 weeks.I have an appt with her tomorrow morning.

I am worrying myself sick as i honestly have no surplus stamina to do a 60 mile round trip everyday but i need to be able to get this across to them .

Any ideas or info will be greatly appreciated.


Registered User
Jul 24, 2006
West Midlands
Sorry to hear about your mom, but as she has been diagnosed she should be able to get attendance allowance, the lower amount is about £166 per month and the higher £250, this is not means tested, where a carers allowance is.Also. if you get a social worker involved you should be able to get carers in say, morning, lunchtime and evening if required, this would then give you time to either carry on with your existing job or get another one, knowing mom is seeing someone during the day and also they would probably offer her to go to a day centre once a week.

You cannot do it all yourself, and you should not be expected to. Call SS and request an urgent assessment and help.

My mom had to go into a home recently, but before this I found SS quite helpful once you got them involved.

Hope this helps, take care.



Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
I agree with Pat.
My Mum has carers in twice an day..morning and evening for about half an hour each time, then she has meals on wheels each week day lunchtime and a shopping trip with a carer once a all helps take the pressure off. The carers are about to start giving medication too now that I have had a small safe installed at Mums and am getting the tablets blister-packed through the doctors. The solicitor who looks after Mums money sends a certain amount to the Carer Organisation once a month which is also kept in the safe for the shopping trips.
SS are very helpful once involved. Good luck. Keep your chin up!



Registered User
Apr 5, 2006
i need to explain something. I worked as a carers team leader about 7 years ago,long before my mum was ill. I worked 7 days a week and roughly a 12 hour day-why, because i was the one who turned out when the carer didn't turn up . I was the one who received the phone call that someone elses mum had not had any lunch or had not been dressed in the morning. I received a call one christmas eve, just at midnight when my shift had officially finished, to advise me that no one had turned up to put this lady to bed. she was totally dependant on carers as she was crippled with arthritis and could not get herself to bed without help. I went out to assist her and swore then that if my own mother ever needed help that i would be there for her and would not rely on outside help. I don't want pity as this is a rational decision and i feel that i have the right to choose to do this. Looking after her is not the problem-travelling 60 miles to and from work is and i feel that my employers are taking away that right to choose. I have read all the other posts and can empathise with everyone but this is my choice and i want to do it . the help i need is to convince my employers that they have no right to make my life more difficult.


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
You seem to be already doing what you can do (appealing). Are you searching for sources re constructive dismissal? Have you checked out They may have resources that could guide you.

Martin E

Registered User
Nov 26, 2006
Hiya - I can certainly sympathise with you. My own personal experience when looking after my father, and then my mother when she developed alzheimers was that my employers couldn't give a ******. They weren't prepared to cut me an inch of slack, or show the slightest bit of concern or interest. Why? Because they're bast**ds.
Funnily enough, though, I'm quite sure that if any of your (I use the term loosely) 'managers' had as much to deal with as you quite clearly have, then they would kick, scream, and make no end of fuss.
It seems quite fashionable amongst large companies nowadays to adopt the approach that it's employees - far from being their most precious asset - are merely interchangeable, disposable units most definitely not worthy of any consideration or compassion.
However, I'd bet my (admittedly not vast) life savings that in terms of character, courage, and general moral fibre you're probably worth at least three times the whole lot of them put together.
Good luck with it
Kind regards


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent

I think in yours shoes I would get in touch with CAB for advice re your possible pending redundancy. There are rules which companies have to follow e.g. 90 days consultation, and if you are on the sick, they cannot consult!! Relocation, this has be to 'reasonable' in terms of travel distance and time. etc. etc. Any redundancy pay is tax free, up to I think 30K. My husband was made redundant last year after 33 years, luckily he was in a union who helped him every step of the way, however, a colleague in the same boat wasn't. He went to CAB and they helped him compose letters, explained his rights etc. etc.

The whole redundancy thing is a bit of a mine field, but you do have rights, apart from CAB, check out the internet, lots of info to be gained. ACAS can also offer help and support. I do think that what makes employers powerful is that they have all the information, and keep us in the dark, well you can be as powerful armed with that information which clearly outlines your rights. What ever you do, dont resign!!

Before you go to CAB, right out a diary of events, gather together your Contract of Employment, Job Description, and anything else you feel may be relevant, even e mails from management.

Good luck