Anyone had experience of what i could expect? Apologies for the length of this post. I'm very confused and not thnking straight. My scenario is that about a fortnight ago my mother had some 'breathing difficulties'. As usual they 'resolved ' themselves within a few hours. Then about 11 days later a seizure during feeding, for which she had 'suction' then 3 days later fever and 'rattly'- breathing during which she was coughing and going blue in the face. At this stage I just wanted it all to be over for her watchng her like that. By the time the Dr arrived, although still a bit laboured in her breathing her fever had resolved itself and the Dr asked how we should proceed. I knew exactly what my mother would have wanted and asked for comfort measures only, saying if she fights this on her own at least we would know what she wanted herself. So she was prescribed something to help with the secretions only and 'let things be'. 24 hours later, her symptoms seemed 'better' and the Home assured me she wasn't in any pain and would have to start feeding again. Plus I'd called out the CHC woman for a Fast Track application, which she informed me that that wasn't appropriate in my mother's case as her deterioration had been slow and steady over the past 2/3 years and a downturn was to be expected. To qualify for a downturn it would have had to be much more rapid.. Honestly my mother is so far down the path that the only rapid downturn now would be sudden death. When I pointed out that surely my mother was at the final stage and within the final 6 months, she said they couldn't say that, as my mother has been here so often during the past few years and recovered. So I backtrack . I started to feell bad about our initial decison. It seemed my mother wanted to fight, it so how could I deny her some help? S0 I go and ask the Matron to contact the Dr and change her medication to allow the antibiotics . But I am well aware I have condemned my mother to more pain and suffering as she will almost certainly have more tias and seizures over the next few months/years. And more aspiration episodes, as her swallowing is severely compromised, although some days better than others the swallowing is not going to improve with the medication and will lead to further episodes. We both saw this with my mother's sister who likewise had so many 'emergency events' before that final one, lasting 6 years. I have condemned her to many, many more days staring at the ceiling /wall until someone comes to turn her. Her bedsores could get infected and cause more pain. She will have to be constantly 'encouraged' to swallow. (And have you ever read about some of the ways they are allowed to do that. Some sound like pure torture. ) etc etc.) See how into overdrive my brain is? I am an only child and her only advocate. I know what my mother would have said and in fact did say in the past on witnessing her sister's state, but how do I make decisons now on behalf of someone I now realize is little more than a stranger to me and obviously cannot communicate her wishes herself? I feel in such a quandary.