A phone call, a scream the police and a Dr... quite an evening!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Scoop, Jan 23, 2008.

  1. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    #1 Scoop, Jan 23, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2008
    A phone call, a scream the police and a Dr... Updated 29/1

    Evening all,

    Got a call phone my wife on the way home, Mum had called saying she was having trouble with Dad and could I go straight round... problem was I was 20 mins away on the way home. Called mum back when I got the chance, could tell she was upset, then... NO! crash, scream.... What's happened, called my wife and got her to call the Police. As it happened I arrived first, Dad had hit mum, although I think she played it down.. he was very aggressive towards her, I did get him to take the Olanzapine just as the police turned up - They were brilliant! The big ( He was massive, I won't be arguing if I get pulled anytime! ) officer got my Dad telling him all about it on the front lawn while I got the other office aside to explain - he went and spoke to mum.

    Things eventually started to calm down, a combination of the police and olanzapine I think. Police decided with our aggreeement it would benefit no-one to arrest him and he was in no fit state to be interviewed... Called out the local GP who checked Dad over and got him to take another dose of Olanzapine as he was still a bit jumpy, Gp arrived and checked him over and will go away and speak to Specialist. I think he'll be getting the Olazapine now each day, these incidents are getting more common and more intense!

    Pretty scary traumatic evening all round...

    Feels better to have written it down.. thanks for listening....:eek:

    Scott
     
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I have just read your post and feel so sorry about it all and everyone involved.

    Cannot help except just to say 'thinking about you'. (How I wish that phrase had more effect than it does).

    Love Jan
     
  3. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    Cheers! Does help, as did the hug from my 4 year old when I got in :)

    All quiet now, will walk past their place when I walk the dogs in a few minutes just to be sure.

    Scott
     
  4. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Hi Scoop

    Thinking of you
    Barb
     
  5. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Hi Scott,

    Sorry you've had such a traumatic day. My Mum often calls me when my Dad is being aggresssive, but so far it has not gone that far that he has hit her.

    I'm glad the Police were so good and understanding. I agree, it would have benefitted no one if your Dad had been arrested.

    I hope that the Olanzapine (I have no experience of this drug) makes the situation more manageable for you all.

    Thinking of you.
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Dear Scott, you handled it well, even though I imagine you were shaking.

    Is your mother frightened of your father or does she feel he`d not really hurt her? I ask because whatever loyalties you and she have to him, unless the drugs control his behaviour, she won`t be able to tolerate much more of it.

    I really do hope for all your sakes the extra Olanzapine works.

    Love xx
     
  7. SusanB

    SusanB Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    155
    Hove
    Scott

    I'm sorry that this has happened this evening and I do hope that you are OK and have managed to talk things through with your wife. Flip...what an awful evening!

    Great that the police and the GP were so understanding.

    Susan
     
  8. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    I think we'll have to play it by ear on how he is with more regular olanzapine. Dr called back at 9ish to make sure all was ok now, already spoken to the mental health people who will call tomorrow to work things out, in the meantime Olanzapine in the morning and at 4ish.. Dr also left his home number if there are any problems tonight, very good of him!

    Grannie G - you're not wrong on the shaking, legs were a right state!

    Fingers crossed we get the aggression under more control!

    Thanks all for the kind words!

    Scott
     
  9. Doreen99

    Doreen99 Registered User

    Jan 12, 2008
    66
    Sheffield
    Dear Scott

    what an appalling evening for you and your poor mum.

    Nice to hear that the police were so helpful and understanding, I hope everything was calm when you went dog-walking.

    I can't offer any practical help or advice, just say I'll be thinking of you and I hope things improve.
     
  10. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Scott,
    Something you don't need after a day at work and driving home.
    Everyone who came to help seemed to have dealt with it extremely well.
    The fact that your 4 year old gave you a hug, shows in amongst the stress of this illness, how much a child can comfort.
    Good luck and I hope everything turns out well.
    Best wishes
    Christine
     
  11. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Hello Scott,

    Thankfully your mum is OK BUT what an ordeal for you all. The GP sounds very good and hopefully along with the specialist they can get things under control.

    Hopefully, better days ahead. Regards Taffy.
     
  12. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    Well all quiet last night, Mum had a little trouble sleeping but not too bad. Going for a quiet day today, and I'll be chatting to the consultant about medication again.

    Cheers for all the support!

    Scott
     
  13. Curlie

    Curlie Registered User

    Jul 24, 2007
    21
    South East London
    Good luck Scott:)
     
  14. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    Well after a chat with the consultant he is on Olanzapine twice a day. Mum now describes him as calm but confused. Have to see how it goes.

    Cheers for all the support!

    Scott
     
  15. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    I think, you know, there's a trade-off with all these medications. I guess confused but calm is better than the alternative.
     
  16. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    Hmm, not convinced it's enough though. Was round again yesterday - during the day was OK but he becomes unmanagable in the eveing for my Mum. He still gets very agitated and wants to go out all the time, Mum now knows she can't carry on like this, she is very down and also completely worn out.

    She dreads evenings now, he is not too bad up until tea time, has tea and then wants to leave to go back to his wife, or the centre of Reading ( Where he grew up) or just out and won't tell her where. Last night he wanted me round to let him out, I took him for a short walk with the dog ( That was a non starter with my mum).

    Got him back, cup of tea and sleeping tablet, which then eventually got him to sleep at 9ish.

    Speaking to Mum after he was asleep I thin kwhat we'd like is to get him admitted to get his medication assessed and see if they can do something to sort out the evenings, and go from there ( Not sure if this is how they work though )

    He won't like it, we don't really want to do it but it's now become too much, Mum can't cope on her own and I am not always there ( 2 young kids, 3rd due in March ) so something has gotta give - and what I don't want is Mum ill because of it..

    Think the aggressive attack/police incident has dented her confidence somewhat too last week

    Such as sad time...:(
     
  17. Doreen99

    Doreen99 Registered User

    Jan 12, 2008
    66
    Sheffield
    Hi Scott

    my ma-in-law was the same in the evenings - which usually lasted up until 2 or 3 in the morning! She constantly wanted "to go home" and just wouldn't accept she was home. I'd take her to the door, to prove it was night time and not day, as she thought it was.

    She's currently in the hospital, being assessed, her dementia came on very rapidly. They're having problems getting her to take her meds (as did I) and they're trying to find something that will make her less distressed and aggressive in the evening. I forget what they've actually managed to get her to take, but it seems to make her a lot calmer and she actually remembered my name the other day!

    I hope they manage to find something that will help your dad.

    Does your mum get any practical help with your dad? I'm hoping my ma-in-law will be able to go to a day care centre, so I can at least get some rest. Perhaps it might be worth exploring this possibiity for your dad?
     
  18. Westie

    Westie Registered User

    Scott, I think you need to speak urgently to your Dad's consultant or CPN tomorrow morning and explain the present situation. The strain on you all must be immense - waiting for the 'next' episode all the time and it's very understandable that your Mum's confidence has taken a severe knock.

    My husband also was always wanting to go out. It didn't matter where, he just had this overwhelming desire and need to get out. If he was prevented from doing this, he became more and more agitated and distressed. He was then admitted to a local assessment unit (arranged by our CPN) for a review of his medication. It certainly helped and he is now a lot calmer but not drugged too heavily. I think you should request this and it would also give your Mum a bit of a break.

    I hope you get something sorted out.

    Mary-Ann
     
  19. Scoop

    Scoop Registered User

    Nov 20, 2006
    99
    Currently Mum doesn't get any help, I have tried suggesting it but she's always said no and wanted to keep it in the family, it's a sign I guess of how bad it has got that she agrees we need to take that next step and get more help!

    My main concern really now is for my Mum, she's worn out and needs help, it's awful watching Dad in his confused state too, I'm sure he doesn't like it.

    I can't believe I'll be able to get hold of anyone useful today being Sunday so I just need to get the ball rolling next week, not sure how long it will take to get him admitted for assessment though ( That's won't be a fun journey getting Dad there! )

    Will be investigating all the other options in there area too this week, I think Mum has been struggling on not telling how bad it's got for a while now, the police incident last week I think finally 'broke' her.

    Cheers

    Scott
     
  20. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Dear Scott,

    My husband used to need to go out. These going out/going home times were mainly in the evening. He said he felt claustrophobic in the house. [I don`t know if this is how your father feels.]

    I never stopped him, except for once, when it was 2.30am, and I threatened him with Social Services to keep him safe. He decided not to go.

    Your mother sounds as if she`s at rock bottom. I do hope you can get some help.

    Love xx
     

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