1. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello All

    My Mum came back to me yesterday for a little while. Nothing earth-shattering, but I know you will understand just what it means to me.

    As I said in my last post, Mum seemed to have given up on life and though still eating very little and being very much in her own reality, which seems a happy one, gave me such a precious memory yesterday.

    I visited and spent a lot of the time "chatting" with a little group of residents with Mum smiling and saying the odd garbled few words, but as I left I kissed her and said the usual "love you lots", no response as usual.

    As I got to the lounge door I heard "I love you" and turned to see Mum looking at me and waving! Something I never thought I would experience again.

    That meant more to me than I can say, bless her heart, maybe she will start eating again, maybe not, but she is still in there somewhere.

  2. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    Dear Kathleen. This has brought tears again to read that. I feel so happy for you.
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Oh Kathleen, how wonderful. You know your Mum will always be there, it is just so nice to glimpse them once in a while. Connie
  4. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Thanks Lulu

    Happy tears I hope.

    I really don't think anyone but fellow relatives of AD sufferers know how much these tiny things mean to us, do they.

    The further into the illness they go, the more rare and extra special these moments seem to be.

    Let's hope you have a magic moment soon as well.

  5. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    "I really don't think anyone but fellow relatives of AD sufferers know how much these tiny things mean to us, do they."

    I'm with you all the way there, Kathleen. So pleased to hear about your magical moment.
  6. Stimpfig

    Stimpfig Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    Hi Kathleen

    When you posted last time, I could feel your anguish but sadly, couldn't find the right words to respond. I often think of what Brucie wrote in another thread - that even two words in response would make a difference to the person who posted. It's just that I hadn't found those right two words.

    But now I am happy to hear that there indeed was a silver lining in the dark cloud of Dementia.

    My mum is my only 'blood relative', I being an only child and having lost my father while still at school, my mum's entire life revolved around me. It wasn't really the best situation but other people saw mum and me as sisters, friends, mother and daughter but in those days, I only saw her as a possessive mum who just couldn't let go of me. When I married eventually, my mum fell victim to a psychotic condition - Schizophrenia which lasted a few years before the downslide to Dementia. I have had a very hard time coming to terms with all this and had it not been for the wonderful support and understanding of my husband, I would have been so miserable.

    Take care and enjoy the magic moment.

    Sue Stimpfig
  7. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Sue and daughter thank you

    Sue am sorry you have had a rocky relationship with your Mum, but it must be a real blessing having such a supportive husband.

    Mine is too, maybe because his own parents died when they were only young and my parents, especially Mum, treated him as their own son.

    I think another lesson, among many, that Mum's illness has taught me is never to take anyone or anything, for granted.

    The problem is that I always assumed Mum and Dad would be around until well into their eighties as they were so physically fit and very active. Dad's sudden death last year came as a horrible shock.

    Although Mum was 5 years into AD at that time, we still assumed that she would go on for years yet being happily muddled. Reality hit me again with the effects of coming off galantamine, so now I know to take every day as it comes. and am grateful to have Mum still.

  8. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    West Sussex
    Dear Kathleen how lovely that must have felt. So pleased for you. My parents died early too, my Dad at only 59, so I can well understand how you are feeling. This illness has now stolen your Mum from you and all you can do is to love her. But that little wave and hearing her say she loved you, AD slipped up there, your Mum won that time, good on her!! Love She. XX
  9. PurplePoppy

    PurplePoppy Registered User

    Oct 3, 2005
    Just wanted to say I hope you have many more magical moments. It's stories like this that give us all hope.
  10. EllieS

    EllieS Registered User

    Aug 23, 2005
    Kathleen and everyone else

    It really doesn't take a lot to make us happy does it?

    How people can just "drop" a dementia sufferer like they never existed I really do not know.

    When I visit Mum, I do my very best to say hello to each and every one of the residents - using their christian name wherever possible. I also ask how they are and comment when they're looking well. I have to go careful because it's very easy to get a wrong reaction sometimes. But although for a while, following one of these reactions, I backed off - I think it's worth the risk just to see them smile, say hello and wave goodbye.

    Maybe it's brightened their day just a teeny weeny bit.

    It also helps to emphasise to Mum that she does live there - she often says "how do you know these people" and I say "because I see them each time I come to see you don't I", and she accepts that.

    It doesn't stop her from getting really upset when I'm not visiting - quite often between 5 & 7pm she gets agitated and quite nasty because she wants to go home from work. More often than not the carers are able to distract her (I fear they may ignore her) but I really do try not to tell her any lies - there are times when I say nothing but I find it very ......mm I don't know how to describe it......... but if Mum is really really upset I can with a clear conscience say to her - I don't tell you lies Mum so although it may not make sense to you please please trust me.

    Does that make sense!

    Best be off now.

  11. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    Muderously magical moments

    Kathleen your magical moment was wonderful to hear and I do know how it feels.

    Sometimes though I wonder....sometimes I suspect, that its these magical moments that make this disease one of the hardest illnesses to cope with because you never can really come to terms with it. I was explaining to someone today that everyday I am horrified at what has come to pass for Dad and that horror does not subside or wear out...its difficult to be so shocked, hurt and dismayed nearly everyday for 6 years (though we do manage to shut it out at times so its not always everyday). If there weren't any magical moments, I think.....I think I might be able to come to terms with it all, but as long as those magical moments keep coming (or even the knowledge that there were times in the past when I thought he was 'gone' and it turned out he wasn't) I seem to never be able to let go. Its it is this nature of the disease that also makes dealing with the disease in society difficult because folks 'outside' just don't realise that the pain felt when dealing with all this is constantly new. The normal expectation is that something terrible happens, one gets some sympathy, one comes to terms with it all, one moves on, but with dementia we are caught in a loop, something terrible happens, one gets sympathy, something terrible happens again, one gets sympathy, something terrible happens, one may or may not get sympathy, something terrible happens, one shuts up because one knows that everyone else thinks you should get over it and you know there just aint no getting over it until its...over, and god knows when that will be.

    Nonetheless I LOVE the magical moments, and shudder to know that one day they will be gone altogether. Crazy. :confused:
  12. Eclair

    Eclair Registered User

    Nov 29, 2005
    Your words ring true

    Thank you for puting into words, what I have been feeling for the last four years.I am also going through a death by a thousand cuts, watching my 92 year old Mum gradually become more and more helpless, and feeling there is no one else who really cares. My sympathy is with you and you Father.
  13. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Nat and everyone else who has erplied

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, it means so much.

    I am with you all the way Nat, this is what makes this forum such a blessing, here is a safe place to say what we think and ask as many questions as we want.

    We share our thought worries and joys with others who truly understand.

    Mum is still only eating a minimal amount, but as she is a person who only ever ate when she was hungry, maybe she is continuing that way, who knows.

    I always take time to speak to the other residents and I get a great deal from these "chats."

    One thing I have noticed is that like a group of very young children who can't yet speak but somehow get their point across to each other, the residents seem to communicate with each other with hardly any recognised speech at all, just body language, facial expressions and tone of voice, maybe that is all they need.

  14. Eclair

    Eclair Registered User

    Nov 29, 2005
    Talk about Confused!

    Dear Kathleen,this is the first time I have ever used the computer in this way,so yesterday when I stumbled across Nat's reply to you about magic moments, I replied, thinking I was replying to Nat,and his/her Father!Later I scrolled up and found your original piece,and felt mad. Anyway the fact is ,all the messages I have been reading have given me some comfort, the situations are all so similar to mine and I,mglad I've found this site!

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