Three weeks ago my father realised he could no longer cope and he asked for help. It has been hard for my sister and I to help mum because my father is very strong willed and vowed he would look after mum until he "had no breath left in his body". He shut us out and asked us not to discuss her illness with family and friends. She went into the first home he looked at for 2 weeks respite care and the day she went my sister and I went with him and he broke down and cried. It is now nearly four weks since she went in and he does not want her home. She has been put on sleeping pills and she sings all the time - the same tune. It is so awful. She has lost weight and I have seen the portions..........not enough to maintain her weight. She is gaunt and when I took her out on Friday there was excretia in her eyes. She smells so bad too. My father went yesterday and she had it in her finger nails too. My mother has had a terrible problem with her bowels all her life and regularly ate bran, until they diagnosed coeliac disease13 years ago but , forgot to tell us until 3 years ago. Dad had to give her enemas every week otherwise she was a mess with total incontinence of the bowels 24/7. I don't know how he has coped. My father does not want to complain because he can not cope with her and is terrified to say anything in case they ask him to take her home. They have no savings to speak of only the house. He has no power of attorny. the whole thing is a mess and to top it all I only have to forget one thing and I think it is going to happen to me. I guess I can relate to a message on here about running away.........I want to get in the car and drive. I usually cope OK but today being fathers day I wanted to love my dad, but all I feel is he has been with mum for 50 years and then he has just pushed her out without making sure she is getting the best care. He would never take the help offered at home and yet all of a sudden he can't cope and mum is OUT. Please don't tell me to talk to him, my father will not accept that my sister or I have any feelings on this because we are not married to her......we are only her daughters. Maybe when the sun comes up tomorrow things will seem a wee bit better. Thanks for being there.