The wild and violent tides of life have taken a heavy toll, breaking down any resolve, sapping the strength, dimming the light and ushering in the blackness.
Everyday, every hour of everyday there is no relief and all the many and varied symptoms progressively spiral downwards.
A new development, sudden switches in temperament, displaying paranoia and anger for no reason against me, (her sole carer.)
This even extends to becoming verbally abusive, (but not violent as of yet.)
We already suffered with frequent mood swings, which normally display as increased anxiousness, frustration, and agitation, producing floods of tears and fears of being abandoned.
We are also currently experiencing an increase in confusion and disorientation with constantly wanting to go out, wandering and getting lost.
We are not aware of what the time of day is, what day or month it is. We are not aware any news or events, nor are we aware of the usual social boundaries.
There is constant obsessive and repetitive behaviour, moving objects, removing pictures from walls, pulling tags off coats and clothes and ripping insoles out of shoes.
We suffer delusions, we believe the presenters on television are living in our house, and that we have more than one dog.
We also regularly repeat entire imaginary conversations with strangers on the street and invent nonexistent problems and situations.
We have problems with speech, (aphasia) mixing words up, with conversations becoming surreal and not based in reality.
Every night our sleep is disturbed, sleeping for fifteen to twenty minutes before getting up, then folding and refolding the bed linen, dressing gowns and coats, while wandering about the house leaving every light on before returning to bed - to start the routine all over again twenty minutes later.
We now see and hear things that do not exist (hallucinations), and can have a whole conversation and argument with a non existent person.
All mirrors and reflective surfaces have had to be removed, all exterior door locked and keys hidden.
We cannot perform simple tasks, i.e. making tea, hovering, cooking and we cannot operate any gadgets or machines.
Personal hygiene is non- existent and a matter of direct conflict, refusing point blank to bathe or shower, wash hands, clean teeth. Clothes are miss matched, seldom changed and excessive, it is not uncommon to wear two pairs of leggings, three jumpers and knickers outside our trousers.
Deflection, changing tactics, gentle persuasion has all stopped working, instead we have stubbornness, refusal and sullen glares.
There is no end in sight, no relief, no respite, just vacuous platitudes from those who are meant to care for the sick, their hypocrisy is staggering.
It is a hollow time, a time of emptiness, of loss and falsehoods.
Everyday, every hour of everyday there is no relief and all the many and varied symptoms progressively spiral downwards.
A new development, sudden switches in temperament, displaying paranoia and anger for no reason against me, (her sole carer.)
This even extends to becoming verbally abusive, (but not violent as of yet.)
We already suffered with frequent mood swings, which normally display as increased anxiousness, frustration, and agitation, producing floods of tears and fears of being abandoned.
We are also currently experiencing an increase in confusion and disorientation with constantly wanting to go out, wandering and getting lost.
We are not aware of what the time of day is, what day or month it is. We are not aware any news or events, nor are we aware of the usual social boundaries.
There is constant obsessive and repetitive behaviour, moving objects, removing pictures from walls, pulling tags off coats and clothes and ripping insoles out of shoes.
We suffer delusions, we believe the presenters on television are living in our house, and that we have more than one dog.
We also regularly repeat entire imaginary conversations with strangers on the street and invent nonexistent problems and situations.
We have problems with speech, (aphasia) mixing words up, with conversations becoming surreal and not based in reality.
Every night our sleep is disturbed, sleeping for fifteen to twenty minutes before getting up, then folding and refolding the bed linen, dressing gowns and coats, while wandering about the house leaving every light on before returning to bed - to start the routine all over again twenty minutes later.
We now see and hear things that do not exist (hallucinations), and can have a whole conversation and argument with a non existent person.
All mirrors and reflective surfaces have had to be removed, all exterior door locked and keys hidden.
We cannot perform simple tasks, i.e. making tea, hovering, cooking and we cannot operate any gadgets or machines.
Personal hygiene is non- existent and a matter of direct conflict, refusing point blank to bathe or shower, wash hands, clean teeth. Clothes are miss matched, seldom changed and excessive, it is not uncommon to wear two pairs of leggings, three jumpers and knickers outside our trousers.
Deflection, changing tactics, gentle persuasion has all stopped working, instead we have stubbornness, refusal and sullen glares.
There is no end in sight, no relief, no respite, just vacuous platitudes from those who are meant to care for the sick, their hypocrisy is staggering.
It is a hollow time, a time of emptiness, of loss and falsehoods.
