1. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    I have written so much about the downside of what I'm experiencing with my Mom that I thought I'd share what has been really nice day. Over the weekend my Mom was talking about how much she misses cooking. My Dad has been doing most of that these days and lately has stocked the freezer with frozen dinners which she is getting sick of. So I had her come to my house for an afternoon of cooking. We made a cassarole, carrots and cookies. She was more like her old self than she has been in months. I will make a cooking day for us at least once a week from now on. She feels like she is helping and also contribuiting to her own household. Don't know how long this will last but for now it is really nice to have one good day :)
     
  2. katieberesford

    katieberesford Registered User

    May 5, 2005
    114
    south wales
    Hi Rummy

    What a lovely thought. Cooking together sounds great and inbuilt into all us females.

    Good to hear you had a great day together.


    Katie
     
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hiya, yes, my Mum used to enjoy cooking till quite late on. Even helped make the Christmas cake at daycare.
    At first, when she was safe with a knife, I used to encourage her to help make the dinner by doing some of the vegetables etc.
    As she became less safe, we progressed to cheesecakes, then onto her input as to how long to cook and the best way etc. We did this right up till she died so she always felt involved. Hope you can too. Love She. XX
     
  4. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Thanks She,
    I plan on trying. She just wants to feel like she is useful and wants so badly to keep doing the things that she used to do. She remembers liking to do things, just not how to. I took her to the farmers market this morning and she was good today too. I think the cooking session has done her alot of good. I wish it was a cure!
    Rummy
     
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Rummy, another thing my Mum enjoyed was to go round the supermarket in her wheelchair. I used to get one of those attachments they have and bolt it on the front. We discussed the shopping and what we would make for dinner etc. She loved it and it was a job that had to be done. I could have left her at home with a carer, but we enjoyed the fun we had together like this. The last christmas, I took her to the town in her wheelchair, all wrapped up and a waterproof too. We got so much stuff, I had it hanging off the handles and she had a huge bag on her lap that she clung on to all the way home. We watched the carole singers and she chose sweets herself from a stall. Make happy times as much as you can, you will cherish them in the years to come I promise you. Love She. XX
     
  6. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    I will do that She. I need to write the good days down so I can look back with more fond memories than bad.
    Your great,
    Thanks!
     
  7. chrissieL

    chrissieL Registered User

    Jun 22, 2005
    54
    Shropshire
    Hi Rummy,
    I'm glad you and your Mum have found something that you can enjoy doing together, it's great for both of you.
    My husband also loves trips out in the wheelchair, he loves us to take the dog and go round wheelchair trails in the countryside or to parks and gardens, the grounds of stately homes etc. He always comes back tired and happy, I really enjoy it too. Sometimes we take a picnic if the weather is really good. It's become my project to find new places to go. :)
     
  8. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    That is wonderful Chrissie ! It has certainly helped our situation to look for the real reasons for Mom's distress. I think her knowing she is loosing control of her life, loosing independence and noone taking her at all seriously anymore has made it worse. Especially when we have tried to correct her when she is wrong. Lately I have really listened to her, ask alot of questions as to what she thinks ( even if its wrong) and how she feels. What finally came out is how much she misses things like cooking. That wasn't just food to her, it was how she took care of her family, and since she was a wonderful cook, what people raved about. I am hoping that cooking with me will give her a sense of independence, self respect and well being. Makes good memories for me too :)
     
  9. TED

    TED Registered User

    Sep 14, 2004
    154
    Middlesex
    Hi
    I think we will agree that where our 'mums' are concerned they probably did most of the cooking duties as we grew up, actually to be fair I think my Dad always did his share, but I digress....I am often at mum and dads for sunday dinner. They love a roast and mum puts it all away with great gusto (even allowing for a little spillage here and there.....tip for you all, go easy on the gravy !!! )

    But what i was coming around to was that it's great to get Mum involved in helping out, she seems to love it and even though I am 'helping' we have her mashing the sweede, chopping the greens and all sorts ..... makes a hellva noise but means we're all in the kitchen together .... and though Dad still does the main bits Mum can still help out.

    The fact that mum might be mashing the same bit of food over and over or missing the stuff completely is not the point (cos I've probably already done it anyway) so there is a little bit of 'trickery' at work here, but the end result is mum is not sat in her chair waiting while we're out in the kitchen

    Plus I've found it good to ask her cooking advice like how best to do parsnips ... even though I know how that's not the point. Now mum always remembers to ask me how my parsnips are...which I think is great personally.

    So while I wouldnt let mum lose with the breadknife anymore she is still the queen of our kitchen. And she's smiling too and that's the result I'm after even if it means a few fibs along the way.

    I'm glad you had a good day. And here's wishing you all many more.

    TED x
     
  10. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    I thank you immensely for you story Ted, you are a true inspiration to me !!
     
  11. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Y'know, when I read all these mails, I can't help but realise just how much knowledge, compassion and love there is on this site. For our stricken loved ones, for our families, and, for our virtual friends everywhere. We all just share and share again and again, to help, to ease, to show we understand and care how things are for others. If only the whole world could be like TP, what a wonderful world it would be. Love She. XX
     
  12. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    So well said She. And for me, I have found so many wonderful people an ocean away. This forum is like a bridge that brings us together.
     
  13. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Well I had a few moments so here is a map showing the countries where there are registered members of Talking Point. We seem to form a necklace around the world.

    Unfortunately many people who register do not identify their country - or I'm sure we'd have many more.

    Apologies to all that the red dots are not positioned on the exact location - just someplace within the country [In particular for Oz!!].

    No apologies that the United Kingdom is shown as each of its constituent parts!
     

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