1. mocha

    mocha Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    176
    Lancs, England
    I supposed it had to happen but Ron went into the Nursing Home on a permanent basis yesterday and so I am feeling all the usual things. People say I shouldn't feel guilty but you really feel as though you have let them down somehow and that you should have coped.
    My one consolation is that he has gone in the home where he has had 2 respite visits. The staff are lovely and I think I have mentioned before that the respite chances in the future where pretty slim as they don't keep beds open specially.My daughter says" look at it as Reverse Respite and he can always come home for a weekend instead" I shall still keep in touch and carry on reading the forum almost daily. My article in the paper is going to be photo-copied and distributed round the Carer's Group that I go to.
     
  2. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    Hiya Mocha

    Sorry to hear your feeling weepy.

    As horrible as it is, the guilt is all part and parcel of this disease, it stays for a long long time, but like every other part of this disease, we never learn to live with it, but hopefully we do learn to cope with it..............i think so many people here will indentify with your post.

    You will still feel guilty even when we say you shouldn't, as you've done the best you can under such horrible circumstances, (i know it still keeps me awake at night) but sometimes its easier to deal with if someone says its o.k. to feel guilty rather than don't..............and feeling weepy?........well thats o.k. too..... if you feel the need to cry, why not?.......do it!........ it will make you feel better, you don't always have to feel strong!

    Sometimes you just have to do what you need to do, to get where you need to be, and thats what coping is all about...........hopefully tomorrow, you might feel better and stronger and you'll cope with the guilt and all the other terrible things that AD brings..........and i hope tomorrow will be a better day.

    Love Alex x
     
  3. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Mocha

    My goodness, it's not at all surprising that you feel weepy, this is a major life event for you. I know to say you shouldnt feel guilty is easier said that done, but at the end of the day you have done the best possible thing for Ron. He is going to be really well cared for, and most of all safe, you could not have done a more kinder, and loving thing for him.

    Take heart, it will get easier as the weeks and months go by, and please dont forget you have your friends here to talk to.
    Love
    Cate
     
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    What everyone else has said and...
    I think your daughter is very wise. Reverse respite makes a lot of sense.

    Jennifer
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,561
    Kent
    Hi Mocha, Of course you feel guilty and weepy. Who wouldn`t? But common sense tells you it had to come, you couldn`t have gone any further, or your own health would have suffered, and who would have been there to cope then?
    As carers, we have to keep well, or we`d be unable to care. I`m stating the obvious I know, but we must never lose sight of that.
    I love your daughters comment about `reverse respite`. I will remember that when my time comes.
    This present situation is one more stage of your grieving. Take care, Sylvia
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi mocha, know how you must be feeling, as my dear Lionel has been in a permanent care home since 8th Nov. I still count the days.

    Pointless to say "don't feel guilty" or anything else, as we all have to deal with these situations in our own way. You have done, and are still doing your very best, and no-one can do more. The anxiety over respite beds becoming available makes caring at home a nightmare, when you cannot get anything planned in advance.

    Personally I just know you have done the right thing, and will continue to care for Ron in your own special way. Thinking of you, love,
     
  7. mocha

    mocha Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    176
    Lancs, England
    Thank you all for your support, I knew I could rely on you, my TP friends. I can sit here with tears pouring and not feel embarrassed. Everybody has been so supportive and none of the family have objected---I was worried about telling his brother and sister-- I've got my little Shih Tzu to cuddle up to when I'm blue.

    I am so lucky to have three loving children two of whom I see often and I'm invited to a Pantomime and also a Christmas Party at the N.H and my daughter and family are taking me to a Carol sing-a long in Manchester on Christmas Eve.
    Best wishes once again and I hope to keep posting. XXX
     
  8. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    Hiya Mocha

    Hope your feeling a little better..............just remember that if your feeling blue there is always someone hear to listen............it helps to know your not on your own.

    Take care
    Love Alex x
     

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