Mum is deteriorating rapidly week by week, she is forgetting to eat, she is confused over her telephone an tv remote. I am her daughter and sole carer, I am also a carer for my husband who has bone marrow cancer and chronic kidney disease. It is getting more and more difficult every week to cope with the situation. I am mentally and physically exhausted. When should I consider getting help and support for Mum and what would be the first steps. Thank you
93 year old mother with alzheimers
- Thread starter janey121
- Start date
Hello @janey121 and welcome to the forum
Contact Social Services for a needs assessment for your Mum - and perhaps for your husband too
I would say that now is the time you need extra help and support
Contact Social Services for a needs assessment for your Mum - and perhaps for your husband too
Hello @janey121 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am so sorry to read that you are having to look after your mum and also your husband, no wonder you say that you are physically and mentally exhausted. No one can keep with that sort of caring for long.
@canary has given you good advice, please contact your local social services as a matter of urgency, tell them exactly what you have said here and that you need help urgently.
Please keep posting here and let us know how you are getting on.
@canary has given you good advice, please contact your local social services as a matter of urgency, tell them exactly what you have said here and that you need help urgently.
Please keep posting here and let us know how you are getting on.
As well as a needs assessment for your mum, ask social services for a carers assessment for yourself as you won't be able to manage everything for both of them as your mum gets worse - it will grind you down if it hasn't already. They may be able to help with respite care for your mum to give you a break.
We all know what the guilt monster is like janey121, but you need to try to get past it. You will not be giving up caring for her - you will be gaining some help and support for all 3 of you. As dementia progresses it will eventually demand every ounce of energy you have and still want more - then what about your husband and yourself? You will not be able to do everything on your own. Get the ball rolling now and accept some help, because if it gets to the point of you getting carer burn out you could end up in hospital (it has happened to people on here) - who will look after the two of them then? Bite the bullet and good luck.
Do you have financial POA because it is easier if you do. Mum has just received a back dated claim (so a nice lump sum). This was because we had to wait for a ‘visiting officer’ visit to agree I could help Mum. POA taking ages hence the reason I don’t have it yet - I’m expecting it any day now.
