86 year old father coping with my mum who is getting increasingly difficult

[Worriedone]

My mum has not 'officially' been diagnosed with dementia but her short term memory has gone. My dad did try but she walked out of the assessment and refused to go back. She can be very aggressive towards him. She forgot she had a son, my older brother. Her personal hygiene is none existent. There are lots of other symptoms, too many to post. My dad admitted privately to me that he is finding it harder to cope with her. Can he get some help via social services? I live 150 miles from them and work full time.

 

[caravaner]

Hi & welcome,

You really do need to get your mum assessed as this will help with things in the future. Get in touch with Social Services who will send out a social worker to assess the situation. Your father needs help and they can arrange this for him.

It wore my father down looking after my mother (dementia) for years and we finally made him see sense that they needed carers to come in and help. Thankfully my mum was not aggressive.

 

[angelface]

I don't think Soc Svs will do much without a diagnosis. Maybe if you wrote to the doctor giving all your concerns he would call Mum in again to see him on some pretext, or even come to visit?

Your local Alzheimers Society would also advise. I do understand that this is a dreadful situation to be in, and so difficult until you get that diagnosis.

Maybe Dad could gently withdraw some of the support he gives Mum, I suppose he must be given extra support if her memory is failing? If Mum then wonders what is going on, it might be a way of pointing out to her that something is wrong, and she should see the Doctor!

I do so hope you can get the support needed
Gill x

 

[piedwarbler]

Hi Worriedone, welcome to TP. My mum had support from SS before she was diagnosed with dementia, because she had other needs. It's worth a referral to see. However I agree that the local Alzheimer's Society branch or adviser should be able to help you with practical support and advice that might speed up a diagnosis.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

Kind regards

 

[caravaner]

Sorry Gill but think you are wrong Social Services will help without a diagnosis as they obviously need help at home. She is 86 and would probably get help in the home anyway just by being elderly and unable to do things in the home.

 

[2jays]

How about a carers assessment for Dad from SS. That might get other things recoginsed?