Hello. I haven't posted for a while. Last year my mother in law (H) went to live in a care home. We had promised her when she was diagnosed with dementia approx 5 years ago that we would manage her care in her own home for as long as she wanted to be there, she was safe to be there or we were able to cope with her care. Last January, after 2 near misses in 3 days with her almost causing house fires and being oblivious to the smoke alarm going off, we decided she was unsafe to stay at home.
She was very angry about going, but has grown to be settled there. We have regained our family life with our children, which was under constant strain, and most importantly we have rebuilt a loving relationship with my mother in law, which had become so strained that we dreaded going to see her each day (we went 3 times each day as she refused to allow carers in) She has been self funding in a care home since.
During the year, H has declined both in terms of her mental health as the dementia has progressed, and with her physical health. She is 91, and has diabetes and very high blood pressure. A few days before Christmas she was admitted to hospital with a suspected stroke, and this was found to be a TAI (I think that is the term, I have a mental block with it!) 2 days later she had another one, and the GP issued a "just in case bag" as he didn't expect her to last the night. We opted for her not to be taken to hospital, as she was comfortable and safe where she was. Amazingly she recovered, although she has no speech and limited use of her arm. It is believed that this second episode was a stroke. She has had another similar incident at the end of January, and again she was not expected to last the night, but did. She has lost so much weight in the last few months and barely eats.
The care home has said that she is aggressive at times, and have organised temazapan with the gp. This makes her sleepy and sometimes she has halucinated that creatures are flying at her or that there are big craters in the carpet and she is scared of falling in them. It has been so distressing to see this. She recently had 3 falls in 12 hours, and I questioned if she had been given temazapan before this, and was told that she had, because she had been swearing and shouting at other residents, had thrown some plates on the floor at lunch and had lashed out at another resident. I acknowledged that this was not acceptable behaviour, but questioned if there was a different type of tranquilizer we could ask the dr for which may not make her so unsteady/ prone to fall etc.
Less than 12 hours later my husband was phoned at work by the care home to be told that they can no longer care for her due to her aggression. My husband asked how long we had to arrange for a move and was told this would be put in a letter and that a social worker will contact us. This happened on monday. By today we had heard nothing. I phoned the care home to ask about time scales and was told that a letter was awaiting collection by us at the home. (Having paid over £20,000 in the last year to them, you would think they could spare the price of a stamp!) We were told we have 4 weeks to move her, from yesterday's date. I tried to track down the allocated social worker, and once establishing who she is, I could only leave a voicemail as she was out of the office.
We are worried sick about what to do. Who will take her given this label of aggression? Will we just have to put her anywhere that will take her? I can't bear the thought of her going somewhere that we have no say over. Her life is coming to an end, and I feel so sad that she will have the trauma of a move at this time, to heaven knows where. And what will happen if we don't find anywhere that will take her, and has rooms available in time? When I visited her today she looked so tiny and lost, my heart is breaking and I am so scared about what to do next.
She was very angry about going, but has grown to be settled there. We have regained our family life with our children, which was under constant strain, and most importantly we have rebuilt a loving relationship with my mother in law, which had become so strained that we dreaded going to see her each day (we went 3 times each day as she refused to allow carers in) She has been self funding in a care home since.
During the year, H has declined both in terms of her mental health as the dementia has progressed, and with her physical health. She is 91, and has diabetes and very high blood pressure. A few days before Christmas she was admitted to hospital with a suspected stroke, and this was found to be a TAI (I think that is the term, I have a mental block with it!) 2 days later she had another one, and the GP issued a "just in case bag" as he didn't expect her to last the night. We opted for her not to be taken to hospital, as she was comfortable and safe where she was. Amazingly she recovered, although she has no speech and limited use of her arm. It is believed that this second episode was a stroke. She has had another similar incident at the end of January, and again she was not expected to last the night, but did. She has lost so much weight in the last few months and barely eats.
The care home has said that she is aggressive at times, and have organised temazapan with the gp. This makes her sleepy and sometimes she has halucinated that creatures are flying at her or that there are big craters in the carpet and she is scared of falling in them. It has been so distressing to see this. She recently had 3 falls in 12 hours, and I questioned if she had been given temazapan before this, and was told that she had, because she had been swearing and shouting at other residents, had thrown some plates on the floor at lunch and had lashed out at another resident. I acknowledged that this was not acceptable behaviour, but questioned if there was a different type of tranquilizer we could ask the dr for which may not make her so unsteady/ prone to fall etc.
Less than 12 hours later my husband was phoned at work by the care home to be told that they can no longer care for her due to her aggression. My husband asked how long we had to arrange for a move and was told this would be put in a letter and that a social worker will contact us. This happened on monday. By today we had heard nothing. I phoned the care home to ask about time scales and was told that a letter was awaiting collection by us at the home. (Having paid over £20,000 in the last year to them, you would think they could spare the price of a stamp!) We were told we have 4 weeks to move her, from yesterday's date. I tried to track down the allocated social worker, and once establishing who she is, I could only leave a voicemail as she was out of the office.
We are worried sick about what to do. Who will take her given this label of aggression? Will we just have to put her anywhere that will take her? I can't bear the thought of her going somewhere that we have no say over. Her life is coming to an end, and I feel so sad that she will have the trauma of a move at this time, to heaven knows where. And what will happen if we don't find anywhere that will take her, and has rooms available in time? When I visited her today she looked so tiny and lost, my heart is breaking and I am so scared about what to do next.
