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    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

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24/7 sitting in a chair

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Devon123, Jul 9, 2019.

  1. Devon123

    Devon123 New member

    Jul 9, 2019
    5
    After a recent hospital stay following a fall at home, my Dad was moved to a nursing home with a specilaised dementia unit. Since he's been their he has not been to bed, or even to his room. He's been sleeping in a chair and basically living in the home's lounge. No attempt has been made to take him to the room as its on the 2nd floor and dad has mobility issues. He has 1:1 care a night due to serve sundowners

    Are we being unreasonable to expect the NH to try and get him to sleep in his bed? Or even go to his room where we have place familiar items and photos?
     
  2. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    387
    Female
    High Peak
    No you are not being unreasonable.

    My mother refuses to change into night clothes and often won't go to bed when prompted, preferring instead to wander the corridors. But the staff are used to this and usually persuade her back to bed eventually.

    You don't say how long this has been going on - how long has he been at the nursing home now? Has the manager or 1 to 1 carer explained what's going on?
     
  3. Devon123

    Devon123 New member

    Jul 9, 2019
    5
    Thanks for the feedback. We have a meeting with manager to explain this afternoon. Any comments or concerns we make about anything, we get the response "what do you expect, he has dementia!".
     
  4. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,409
    Female
    England
    #4 jaymor, Jul 9, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2019
    Welcome to DTP @Devon123.

    Unfortunately staff can only encourage they can’t make a resident do something they don’t want to do. My husband first went into an assessment unit and refused to take his jacket off and walked around the unit all day with most of his clothes tucked under his arms. This went on for several weeks and we were used to being greeted by him standing by the door in jacket with clothes under each arm. Then one day we arrived and he was missing from the door, he was sitting in one of the lounges, no jacket on, no clothes under his arms and drinking tea and chatting to one of the Carers.

    Then in the nursing home, as he did at home, he never slept so refused to get ready to bed and his 1:1 had to accompany him around on his nightly walk abouts. I visited daily so I saw how the staff continually tried to encourage everyone, sometimes with a tantalising treat and if it was cake, my husband was always open to this bribe. He never sat down for five minutes and this concerned the staff because of his lack of sleep. We as a family would once he was sitting draw up a stool and sit immediately in front of him with our arms in his knees. We were blocking him in and he did try to stand but had to sit down again. It was fine for us to do this but was a a method that the Carers could not do.

    Maybe your Dad will be open to going to his room and bed once he is more familiar in his change of accommodation. It’s hard but other than encourage and keep on encouraging there really is nothing the staff can do.

    ps. I see you are having a meeting and yes your Dad has dementia which is the cause of his behaviour and you recognise that it is difficult but you would like to be assured that they are encouraging him not just asking once and then leaving him. Try the gently, gently approach to start with, having the staff in your side is a bonus but keep on because you need to be happy that your Dad is being cared for.
     
  5. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,470
    My dad had a hospital stay earlier this year and he sits in his chair all day. His mobility is not good and he walks with a frame. He is in his own home with one of us there at all times. He still goes to bed at night (sleeps in his pants) but he has no stairs to worry about.

    If he was in a nursing home then yes I would expect them to have a lift or something and make sure that he goes to bed at night.
     
  6. Devon123

    Devon123 New member

    Jul 9, 2019
    5
    Thank you for your responses. Feeling very sad. Had a meeting with manager, agreed that the room was unsuitable for my dads needs, but they would try and encourage him to go to bed. We are looking for somewhere more suitable.
    Visited yesterday where they had shaved off beard and hair without speaking with us first (my mum of nearly 60 years has never seen him without a beard). It was a big shock! Visited his room to put something in it only to find the room had all the furniture / personal belongs removed as new carpet being fitted tomorrow after I investigated further. Just wondered how they think they are going to put Dad to bed! They agreed to put the bed back in the room but I not sure I believe them. Where do we go from here???? Trying to remain calm.
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,880
    Female
    South coast
    There are some things in your post (like the way they are putting carpet, which is not easily cleaned, in the bedroom) that make me feel that they are not very experienced with dementia. There are many places - even those that say that they are dedicated dementia units - who in reality only want people who are in the early, easy stages of dementia and are compliant.

    I gather that you are looking for somewhere else? When you visit other homes, ask them specifically about how they would deal with your dads behaviour. If you get woolly answers, they probably dont have experience. Also, ask them what sort of behaviour they would not tolerate. Its also helpful to see what stages the rest of the residents are in. If you dont see anyone at later stages then it probably means that they get to a point when the home can no longer meet their needs and they get moved on.
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,115
    Kent
    Is this the right home for your dad @Devon123? It sounds a tall order for someone with mobility issues to be expected to climb two flights of stairs.

    There is also the worry of coming down the stairs. It can be quite frightening to look down the flight, especially for someone unsteady on their feet and with possible loss of spatial awareness.

    It is also unfair for him to be left in a chair all night. Everyone needs a comfortable bed to sleep in.
     
  9. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    387
    Female
    High Peak
    Apart from the issue of where he sleeps, I was shocked by the shaving. What on earth made them do that? I would demand an explanation.

    Please find a better place for your dad.
     
  10. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    713
    Male
    Newcastle
    #10 northumbrian_k, Jul 12, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2019
    This seems like the opposite of personalised care. Having had a beard for most of my adult life I would be outraged if someone took it upon themselves to shave it off! It is a bit like - but much worse than - the nurse who used to go around ruffling people's hair when my Dad was in hospital. He hated that but was too polite to object. She seemed to think that it was a nice thing to do rather than taking a little time to find out what he really liked.

    As for the carpet, my wife's home is in the process of taking out carpets and replacing them with non-slip laminate because this is more hygienic and easier to clean if and when accidents happen. She too prowls the corridors some nights but always gets into bed at some point and is never left in a chair overnight.
     
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,880
    Female
    South coast
    Quite a few men with dementia grow "accidental" beards because they cant remember how to shave - my OH has one, but Im choosing my battles - so they probably thought they were being helpful. They should have checked, but at least it will grow again.
     
  12. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    387
    Female
    High Peak
    Absolutely. Shaved off his beard and hair without checking? What on earth were they thinking? I thought they only did that to convicted criminals... o_O

    As for the hair ruffling, no-one likes that. No one.
     
  13. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,918
    Suffolk
    Agree, no one likes hair ruffled. I dislike intensely someone stroking my hand. Hate it!
    OH had full head of silver hair ( at 82!) and a full beard, kept short. I warned the care home they were NOT to cut either, I would do it if necessary. I would have let anybody know what I thought about it if they had. I was another one who had never seen him clean shaven, except for a college photograph. I told him then never to shave it off!
     
  14. Devon123

    Devon123 New member

    Jul 9, 2019
    5
    I can't quite believe it but they have shaved him again! Raised again with the care manager , who did apologies, and said she would make sure this didn't happen again.

    Did manage to get Dad to bed at 5am and was still asleep in bed at 1pm. So that some progress. I feel extremely guilty that Dad might spend what remains of his life living in the residence lounge.

    He does seem to have gone down hill - he hasn't spoken to once to any of the family since he's been in the NH. Just looks blank. Has anyone else experienced this?
     
  15. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    Look for somewhere else that can meet his needs...this NH is unsuitable for so many reasons..the stairs, not being proactive in getting him to his room and bed, shaving and totally changing his appearance...I fought strongly for the opposite for dad who had never had a beard or any facial hair..it is so important to try to maintain their dignity through appearance for as long as possible, wishy washy response from the manager...is this a dementia NH?
     

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