Looking for advice please. Dad was diagnosed with 'Atypical Logo-penic Primary progressive Alzheimers' AND Vascular Dementia in January this year. His decline has been very rapid yet he still LOVES his garden. Mum is possibly in the early stages of Dementia but is a very strong / stoic lady who refuses to accept any advice and is obviously grieving for the sudden loss of her husband and their indepence. Both are 81 and in the recent past have been walkers and had a motorhome but have had to give up all of that. Both remain at home with my sister and I caring for them and now having to be with them 24/7. I retired from work in summer, Dep Head of a Special School for children with Severe Learning Difficulties so Dad's challenging behaviour isn't a problem and I can apply strategies I'm well versed in but Mum refuses to accept and triggers his behaviour. Either one of them alone would be manageable but together it's REALLY difficult ! I live 2 hours away so stay for around 5 nights a week, my sister is still working part time but has a younger family who still need lifts etc. Financially they are fine so we would need to pay for care and that isn't a problem but Mum is really not on board with this. Early stages I know and I'm sure if I read through posts I can find advice but just thought I'd post anyway X Thank you for any advice X
2 parents
- Thread starter Adele2610
- Start date
Hello @Adele2610. Welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
It will be really difficult if your mother doesn`t accept your strategies for managing your dad`s behaviour. Perhaps she doesn`t understand what you are trying to do or perhaps she is unable to accept the possibility you are more able to manage him than she is.
If your mother is grieving for the loss of her husband, seeing you managing him more successfully may give her the feeling you are taking over and she is losing even more of him.
You probably realise this and I`m sorry I can`t offer a way forward.
It is unsustainable for you to stay five nights a week. By doing this, are you making life better for them? If you left them alone more, would they come to harm?
My husband used to say I was bossy and taking away his independence. All I was doing was trying to help him but he didn`t see it that way.
It`s not easy to get it right.
It will be really difficult if your mother doesn`t accept your strategies for managing your dad`s behaviour. Perhaps she doesn`t understand what you are trying to do or perhaps she is unable to accept the possibility you are more able to manage him than she is.
If your mother is grieving for the loss of her husband, seeing you managing him more successfully may give her the feeling you are taking over and she is losing even more of him.
You probably realise this and I`m sorry I can`t offer a way forward.
It is unsustainable for you to stay five nights a week. By doing this, are you making life better for them? If you left them alone more, would they come to harm?
My husband used to say I was bossy and taking away his independence. All I was doing was trying to help him but he didn`t see it that way.
It`s not easy to get it right.
