1. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    Not a good day, but my own fault. need to stop replying automatically and use love lies. I always mess it up half way through the day and then suffer the consequences:(
    Tomorrow might be better
     
  2. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    Sounds like you had a lovely day with your friends so hold onto the memories of that day to see you through. I tend to auto reply and then wish I could rewind, so you’re not alone. Maybe the answer is to count to ten before replying, if only I could remember to do that!

    Have the Eskimo gardeners returned to finish next door?

    The quiet sleep reminded me of checking in the children when they were babies to see if they were still breathing :rolleyes:.

    Reading seems to help Rose and it is something you can enjoy together, as well as being a distraction, which is so nice.

    Wishing you a good day today.
     
  3. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    #23 Szaitisja, Aug 18, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2018
    The gardeners didn't return next day as it was raining heavily all morning, and few hours later brain was to tired so she was just sleeping on and off for the afternoon/evening. They might come next week if the weather is better perhaps.

    Today should hopefully be better even tho quite lazy. Saturday is the only day I see my OH and as it overcast we didn't make any plans,which is great as I haven't slept to well last few nights and feel exhausted. We might go out for a nice lunch or something as it is his birthday next week,
     
  4. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    Happy birthday to your OH, a lunch sounds just the ticket. Enjoy your day whatever you do.
     
  5. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
  6. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    Thank you @Lindy50 and @Rolypoly. I am lucky he understands when i have to have a zombie day, without talking and 'having to' do stuff which is lovely:)
     
  7. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    Saturday turned out to be a peaceful day and no birthday celebrations. We did book a table for dinner for next Saturday and invited my OH's parents. Something to look forward to.
    On Sunday I finally managed to make the banana bread. I didn't think to bring a chair for R. to the kitchen so she can sit with me while I'm making it and it took me nearly an hour to get the mix done as she kept calling as soon as i went into the kitchen because she couldn't see me. It was rather frustrating but we got there in the end. I might have chosen the wrong day to make it, but she was a bit down an anxious and constantly asking me when I will not be there and I wanted to cheer her up and also have a break from answering that question all the time as I still struggle with lying to her repeatedly and if I tell the truth it will lead to the usual ' you are useless, you're supposed to be here all the time' etc. It was a day when I couldn't do anything right for her at all. Dinner wasn't nice, fruit was a bad idea, hot chocolate was not good, tea was vile, etc. Banana bread did cheer her up somewhat but it was almost bedtime by the time it was out of the oven in the end so we had to wait to try it til the morning.
    Bedtime turned out not be right either. For over a year I have been getting her ready for bed around 10pm and then once she is comfortable I read to her for a bit and finish about 10.30 - 10.45.
    It turned out that day that that is far to early and I can't just change her bedtime routine all of a sudden cause she always goes around midnight and that's that.
    So in the end I asked if i can help her into nightwear and she can make her way to bed when she wants to, because I'm tired and am going to bed at normal time.
    Once she was ready she was happy to go to bed and listen to me reading. It was a tiring day.
    Yesterday was much better. She enjoyed the banana bread, offered couple of slices to the carers that come in the morning and lunchtime and they loved it too. We had a chat on Skype with the neighbour who is abroad at the moment, then read for quite some time in the afternoon and watched a bit of tv.
    Not much giggling and joking but no anxiety and mean stuff either luckily.

    See what today brings.
     
  8. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    Don’t you just love days like that :(. At least the banana bread was a success. I hope today is a good day.
     
  9. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,510
    leicester
    The banana bread sounds great,
     
  10. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    Today was a lovely day. I visited my friends, spent the day chatting on all sorts of subjects and doing cryptic crosswords (gosh was I slow at them to start with) and quizzes and such like, so my brain got good exercise and I feel ready for anything at the moment:)
     
  11. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    Good for you. Hang on to that feeling. :) I love cryptic crosswords too.
     
  12. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    I only learned to do them few months ago, so it sometimes takes me forever to work it out, but I'm getting quicker as long as I keep it up but my friend always has a few ready for us to do when I visit. We didn't play backgammon or scrabble today tho as I was a bit to slow with working them out but hey ho there is always next time:)
     
  13. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    I’ve been doing them for years, my dad got me into them. They do take a bit of getting used to, if you do the same one all the time you get used to their clues and it becomes easier. I love puzzles that get the mind going but I haven’t played board games for years. Happy times.
     
  14. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    I never came across them in Poland, but was always fascinated by them ever since i moved to UK 11 years ago. I just didn't know where to start on working it out. My friends explained to me how to look at the clues and the million and one words suggesting anagram:) and now i can do the sort of Daily Mail standard ones, not quite ready for The Times and Guardian yet, but will get there eventually I'm sure:)

    Got R. to bed with no problems tonight, we had a lovely chat and I read for a bit. Now doing an entirely different kind of reading. Care agency dropped off some new Service user agreement and couple of paragraphs don't quite look right to me. Will need to look at them again tomorrow and perhaps consult with my friend who used to work for CAB and might help me make sure that it's ok. English is not my first language but I don't normally struggle, but it just doesn't quite look right atm.
     
  15. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    Thank you. It was nice. Not bad for a first attempt. My friend said today that he always used to have it in the 50s/60s and that it reminds him of his grandparents, so that was nice:)
     
  16. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    Bit of a dilemma this morning. One of R's friends she knows since she was a child send a card this morning and informed of her mums sudden passing away.
    R. knew both the parents as they used to work together for many years after the war. I hid the card for now, as I wouldn't want a carer to read it out to her at lunchtime and then leave her with this very sad news on her won until I return from running few errands.
    I would really like to give her this sad news at some point but not a fixed point atm as I would like to judge it by her moods/ anxiety levels etc.
    I am worried about the friend ringing her (she does call frequently as she lives some distance away) and mentioning it on the phone.
    In other circumstances I would probably contact the friend and explain the situation and the anxiety etc, but as the passing was so sudden I don't know if that would be a right thing to do (apart from other things because she will I am sure have plenty of things to deal with).
    I was thinking of ringing to offer condolences but not sure if I should do that either, especially on R's behalf if she's not aware of what happened.
    What would you do? Can I have some advise please?
     
  17. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,510
    leicester
    My view you might be better to tell her before somelse does..
    You know the level of support you will need to give her!
     
  18. Rolypoly

    Rolypoly Registered User

    Jan 15, 2018
    2,319
    It would be better coming from you as you will know how to word the news to cause least upset. You could read out the card to her as well. You could also suggest you arrange for Rose to send a condolence card, or even phone the friend in a little while, if Rose is up to this. The longer you leave it the harder it will be, and also more stressful for you especially when the phone rings.

    If it were me I would pick a time when mum was fairly with it and tell her the card has arrived, it’s sad news the x has died/passed away. Would you like me to get a card for you to send? I would see mums reaction before suggesting a phone call.

    If the friend phones and you answer then you can always say Rose was upset when she heard but please be aware that she may have forgotten the news.
     
  19. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    Thank you @Rolypoly and @nellbelles for your response. It confirmed what I thought would be the most reasonable way to go about it. I got the card already while running the errands so can send it if Rose will wish to do that.
    My main concern was if carer told her and there was no one else around before i come back it would cause a great upset. She always rememebers that someone died if she hears the sad news but doesn't quite remember who and whether it was accident etc and she gets into a terrible state over it if on her own.
     
  20. Szaitisja

    Szaitisja Registered User

    Jul 28, 2018
    134
    Female
    Hertfordshire
    Rose was a bit up and down yesterday. Never gave her the news yesterday as she was talking about how lonely she is and how she's got no one left and what she is going to do, so we had lots of hugs and 'I love yous' and reassuring and talking about the friends who support her and she sees very often. We managed to read 5 chapters of the Ethel M Dell book she loves and had more hugs at bedtime. I just couldn't break her heart even more yesterday.
    It must be so difficult living to that age and seeing so many of your friends and family passing away. She doesn't remember the ones that died in the last few years so I had to try steer conversation to the ones she remembered moving on as informing her 'for the first time' of another 6 or so people dying would be cruel.
    Another friend of hers knows the lady who lost her mum much better than I do (I only saw her once and spoke on the phone few times) and she wrote a nice long condolence message and also explained about R's current levels of anxiety and sadness and that we might not be able to tell her straight away, it just needs the right moment. Hope she will be ok with that.

    Today I am waiting for a call from the care agency in response to my complaint (not holding my breath for that one), then we have a meeting with SW to ask for financial review and some 'respite' to be written into the care plan (allowing for extra carers in the afternoon/evening when I'm on holiday or ill) and such like. See how that goes. We only had to wait since April for her to visit:) Fingers crossed all goes smoothly.
     

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