“I’m annoyed”

[Barry]

I’m disturbed by the constant horrific nightmares night after night,

I’m maddened at the constant unyielding bewilderments day after day,

I’m frustrated at the complete unawareness of my illness around me,

I’m annoyed at people staring at me when we go out shopping,

I’m infuriated at the difficulty I have walking that makes me drag my feet as though I were wearing concrete boots,

I’m frustrated at not having a scrap of ‘On the spot’ support for my dear wife and myself,

I’m exasperated at people not letting me finish a sentence when specking and then trying to finish it for me,

I’m aggravated at not always being able to comprehend what people say to me,

I’m irritated by other people that keep interrupting when I’m speaking or typing so that I forget what I was talking about or typing,

I’m wound up at my body constantly shaking like a leaf,

I’m frustrated at no sooner has my dear wife told me something than I’ve forgotten what she said,

I’m annoyed at other people saying to my dear wife (What’s wrong with Barry! He looks alright to me!) but they can’t see or feel the daily confusions in my brain,

I’m wound up at my dear wife having to constantly explain about my illness to our neighbours and other people,

I’m frustrated at not being able to eat my food properly with a knife and fork,

I’m infuriated at not being able to go out alone,

I’m aggravated at looking outside the house at our new car but now can’t drive it,

I’m exasperated at my lose of attentiveness and concentration when trying to type at the computer,

I’m depressed at my lost ability to communicate coherently without stammering,

I’m furious at my absent-mindedness of people I once knew,

I’m angry at my condition and my personality changing more than the weather,

I’m incensed at the illness constantly warmongering upon my daily intent,

I’m annoyed at the constant noise around me and then causing affray in my brain,

I’m feed-up at having to take medications 3 times a day and day after day,

I’m frustrated that the romance part of my manhood has disappeared and yet I can still feel the inner emotions and desires that no longer respond,

I’m up-set at looking at the deep anguish in my darling wife’s eyes all the time and seeing her cry as she knows not what our future together holds,

And I’m annoyed at this illness taking my once fruitful life away from me...

“BUT” as of yet, I’m not giving up on life...

Barry ©

 

[starryuk]

Oh Barry, I am sorry.

How frustrating life for you must be. It is wonderful that you can express all your feelings so eloquently on here though. I hope it helps in some little way and that tomorrow is better for you.
x

 

[Jaycee23]

Dementia is a *****! excuse my language but I hate it so much and what it does to those who have it and those who have to live with it. Cannot say anymore as I may offend those who go to church and lost for words as to how I feel for my poor mum and live her slow painful death and...............................
Sorry Barry x

 

[bilslin]

My heart goes out to you Barry and your darling wife. Thank you Barry for giving the other side of this cruel disease. So brave. lindaxx

 

[flowerpot]

Thank you Barry for sharing your innermost thoughts. It must be so difficult and very much appreciated by me and I feel like I can feel your anguish. My thoughts are with you and your lovely wife xx

Sent from my XT1032 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Helen33]

Hello Barry,

I read it differently as I could see that despite you feeling angry, you have 'life'. You have 'courage' and you certainly have 'determination'. You also have my admiration and respect

Love

 

[Saffie]

I agree. You are very much alive Barry and you care so very much.
I am so very sorry that you are so very frustrated too.
Like Helen - and as I am always saying to you - you are a source of admiration and respect and affection.
Keep ranting - we need to hear you.x

 

[Countryboy]

Hi Barry my friend you're obviously having a bit of a difficult time right now and its upsetting you and making you angry , yes it comes with the illness for what’s its worth I think you're doing great Barry, just finished you're book and keeping up with your baking, it’s just a bit of a bad spell at the moment , we all have them and between us for many years now although were miles apart we have keep supporting each other, Barry I think you're a fantastic ambassador for all of us on Talking Point with a dementia diagnoses wish I could put into words like you mate , can’t wait to see you're next thread on T.P telling us everything in Indonesia going well.

Cheers Tony

 

[Pookie]

So sorry your feeling down but that you have still determination to fight. Loveus2

Peter&Jean Pookie

 

[Daisy48]

No don't give up Barry. There are too many people who don't have a clue about dementia.It's tricky enough to explain to the general public about a loved one who is suffering.In my experience,folk generally think it involves memory loss and that's it.We know that it's so much more.
It's brave people like you who will teach others.Good for you that you still have a "voice" and can express yourself with such clarity.
best wishes
Daisy.

 

[Barry]

Wow so many fantastic words of support so it’s difficult for me to name everyone of you individually but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, True some days are great but as Tony said maybe I’m just having a few bad days which hopefully will pass by, in-fact it helps just to have put things down onto paper and get it off my chest and not only that as I’m sure there’s many other people who have some type of dementia that eel the same way but maybe due to the illness have a problem of expressing it...

God bless each and every one of you
Barry

 

[Countryboy]

Wow so many fantastic words of support so it’s difficult for me to name everyone of you individually but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, True some days are great but as Tony said maybe I’m just having a few bad days which hopefully will pass by, in-fact it helps just to have put things down onto paper and get it off my chest and not only that as I’m sure there’s many other people who have some type of dementia that eel the same way but maybe due to the illness have a problem of expressing it...

God bless each and every one of you
Barry

Hi Barry well you're sounding better today buddy like the song “ What A difference a Day makes” or something like that any way good your more positive today

cheers Tony

 

[monicanatura]

Nice to hear what you are going through

My heart goes out to you Barry, my mother has Alzheimer's and she gets frustrated with us, if we answer questions for her, and we don't let her do anything for herself. From a carer's point of view, it was great to read your post

 

[JillGee]

Barry, you have recognised your emotions and have succeeded in expressing them. Believe me, very many of us fail to do that, even without dementia. So, be proud of your gift. And be thankful. And keep on feeling and talking, because that is what makes you who you are. You are doing alright!

 

[Cucu Mzungu]

Thank you for this, Barry.

It's hard for me to know how my Mum feels but reading what you wrote can help me guess - respect to you!

 

[Barry]

Thank you for all your very kind words of Support as I'm glade that this helps with understanding our illness that bit better

 

[phoenixrose]

Barry, would you mind if I print your post to show to my mother? She has no understanding of my dads mixed dementia and constantly says things like "why doesn't he listen to me?"
I think your post would go some way to getting her to understand him more.

 

[Barry]

Yes please feel free to print and share this as it will help other with awareness, I can understand what you mean “Paulette” and in fact using some type of sign langue or hand gestures can be very usual or maybe just write a few words down for the person to read, the important thing is not to try and put words into the persons mouth but I do agree with just given them a gentle nudge as it where

 

[Jim F]

Dear Barry,

You write more eloquently and powerfully than most people could dream of. Myself included, and I'm a journalist of 25 years!
I hope that fine skill is some consolation for you and your wife.
Keep it up, please. My mum's ability to write or type disappeared without me even realising it was slipping away.
Your insight into this awful illness really is illuminating and must help sufferers and carers alike.
Keep going mate.

Jim

 

[jacinthe]

I too will copy your OP

Thank you Barry