Well, here I am
- Thread starter kingmidas1962
- Start date
I gave two for my husband. The funeral director suggested having one of him when he was older on the front and one as a young man on the back. So my daughters chose the one of him when we were in college and he was doing an Elvis impersonation with his guitar for the latter.
KM,
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, and understand the mixed emotions you're going through at the moment. It can be a strange time - things don't seem quite real, you're rushing around sorting everything out, and you're not sure exactly how you're supposed to feel. And if you're anything like me you might get a fit of hysteria/the giggles when you're really not supposed to - my dad was the only religious member of the family and when the very pompous vicar came round to discuss the funeral he kept pausing dramatically with his eyes closed. The first time we just looked at each other, but the more he did it, the more hysterical I got. He was very kind really, just a little bit pompous.
I agree with others that it's entirely up to your daughter whether or not she goes to pop's funeral. I was 12, I think, the first time I was 'allowed' to attend a funeral, and that was my grandfather's. Does your daughter know what happens at a funeral? Her idea of what happens may come from films/TV, when something dramatic always happens
. Of course in real life nothing like that ever happens, and it may help her to make her decision. I was very apprehensive, but followed the advice I was given of not listening to the eulogy, and I was fine and glad I had gone.
A lovely photo of your dad.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, and understand the mixed emotions you're going through at the moment. It can be a strange time - things don't seem quite real, you're rushing around sorting everything out, and you're not sure exactly how you're supposed to feel. And if you're anything like me you might get a fit of hysteria/the giggles when you're really not supposed to - my dad was the only religious member of the family and when the very pompous vicar came round to discuss the funeral he kept pausing dramatically with his eyes closed. The first time we just looked at each other, but the more he did it, the more hysterical I got. He was very kind really, just a little bit pompous.
I agree with others that it's entirely up to your daughter whether or not she goes to pop's funeral. I was 12, I think, the first time I was 'allowed' to attend a funeral, and that was my grandfather's. Does your daughter know what happens at a funeral? Her idea of what happens may come from films/TV, when something dramatic always happens
. Of course in real life nothing like that ever happens, and it may help her to make her decision. I was very apprehensive, but followed the advice I was given of not listening to the eulogy, and I was fine and glad I had gone.A lovely photo of your dad.
Another task - check!
Well, that's the funeral director appointment done. As I suspected it was hard to extract ANY information from mum that would be of any use at all ... and my brother has been of no use at all. I think he is just relieved that he isn't doing the arranging!
I'm glad that a couple of things came up in the course of conversation so that at least I could eliminate what was NOT wanted. It was a very upsetting hour but the funeral director was very kind, not too sickly sweet and put us under no pressure at all. Mum did well - obviously she is very upset but seems to be coping as well as I thought she would, given her mental health issues.
So - a lovely simple spray of yellow roses for the top of the casket - dad loved his garden as I said before, and we wouldn't want great swathes of flowers as it would seem wrong somehow. But he did grow roses - very well (I remember the smell of manure!)
Music - I had already hit on 'Annie's Theme' by John Denver and mum suddenly remembered he said he liked Daniel O'Donnell - and then got upset because she didn't remember it until now! It seems that they never really talked about anything much. She talked as if she didnt know him. Or maybe she can't remember because good memories are eclipsed by the bad ones. Very sad. But there we are - every marriage is different.
I had a brainwave when I was talking about people wearing black - I didnt want the funeral to be a bland, characterless affair - and as the flowers are to be yellow I think I might ask people to wear something yellow, if they can. There are to be no flowers sent (I dont see the point) and I have asked for a collection box at the Crematorium with any donations to the Alzheimers Society.
I just looked on the Wesley music database (thank you SO MUCH for this information) and found 'Danny Boy' - by Daniel O'Donnell!
The funeral celebrant is coming to see me tomorrow so we can get cracking on the details.
Its all coming together. Dad - I hope I do you proud xxxxxxxxxxxx
Well, that's the funeral director appointment done. As I suspected it was hard to extract ANY information from mum that would be of any use at all ... and my brother has been of no use at all. I think he is just relieved that he isn't doing the arranging!
I'm glad that a couple of things came up in the course of conversation so that at least I could eliminate what was NOT wanted. It was a very upsetting hour but the funeral director was very kind, not too sickly sweet and put us under no pressure at all. Mum did well - obviously she is very upset but seems to be coping as well as I thought she would, given her mental health issues.
So - a lovely simple spray of yellow roses for the top of the casket - dad loved his garden as I said before, and we wouldn't want great swathes of flowers as it would seem wrong somehow. But he did grow roses - very well (I remember the smell of manure!)
Music - I had already hit on 'Annie's Theme' by John Denver and mum suddenly remembered he said he liked Daniel O'Donnell - and then got upset because she didn't remember it until now! It seems that they never really talked about anything much. She talked as if she didnt know him. Or maybe she can't remember because good memories are eclipsed by the bad ones. Very sad. But there we are - every marriage is different.
I had a brainwave when I was talking about people wearing black - I didnt want the funeral to be a bland, characterless affair - and as the flowers are to be yellow I think I might ask people to wear something yellow, if they can. There are to be no flowers sent (I dont see the point) and I have asked for a collection box at the Crematorium with any donations to the Alzheimers Society.
I just looked on the Wesley music database (thank you SO MUCH for this information) and found 'Danny Boy' - by Daniel O'Donnell!
The funeral celebrant is coming to see me tomorrow so we can get cracking on the details.
Its all coming together. Dad - I hope I do you proud xxxxxxxxxxxx
I think I'm feeling a bit bloody minded now because of the lack of information from people so I'm seizing on anything mentioned (clutching at straws?)
My MIL, bless her, after seeing the ordeal of organising my FILs funeral has hers arranged and paid for.
My MIL, bless her, after seeing the ordeal of organising my FILs funeral has hers arranged and paid for.
The one thing surprising me at this time is that I am sleeping really well! I am very tired, still, and every morning I wake with butterflies in my stomach - but I'm normally a hopeless sleeper so it's really unusual!
Sent from my SM-T210 using Talking Point mobile app
Sent from my SM-T210 using Talking Point mobile app
I met the funeral celebrant yesterday - a lovely man - an ex-police officer and care home area manager! He fell into the funeral business when he conducted his close friends funeral and the crematorium manager asked him if he'd thought of doing it for a living ... that was 13 years ago! I am happy that we are in safe hands.
Music
Coming in - Danny Boy / Daniel O'Donnell
Quiet reflection - Clair de Lune / Debussy
Going out - Annies song - John Denver
Prayer
Just the Lords prayer in the middle as we are in no way religious, but wanted a tiny nod to religion, as there may be some people there that are.
Eulogy
Now all I have to do is write a eulogy! I hope it will raise a smile. I have been asking mum about anything touching or funny she can think of because I don't want it to be sad-sad-sad - it's sad enough already. We already remembered the time when mum looked up from changing my nappy to find a pig in the front garden (the houses behind our house used to be a farm when I was weeny) and a bottle of dads home made wine exploding over my sister in law (before she was my SIL) in the middle of the night when she and my brother were staying at mum and dads many years ago!
I have lots of very lovely memories but don't want it all to be about my memories of dad ... however not much is forthcoming from others. I remember standing with dad on the patio at the end of the drought of '76 in the rain until we were soaking wet - and that wonderful smell of wet concrete after rain (which I am reliably informed is called 'petrichor') - his poor garden was baked to the bone. I remember getting splinters out of his hard hands with a needle and that he always smelled faintly of creosote
Mum is in such a rush to get it all over with she just said 'don't make it too long' which upset me a bit.
Readings
Two lovely readings -
‘All is well’
by Henry Scott-Holland
and
‘Remember Me’ by David Harkins
So there we are. I hope he would have liked it.
Music
Coming in - Danny Boy / Daniel O'Donnell
Quiet reflection - Clair de Lune / Debussy
Going out - Annies song - John Denver
Prayer
Just the Lords prayer in the middle as we are in no way religious, but wanted a tiny nod to religion, as there may be some people there that are.
Eulogy
Now all I have to do is write a eulogy! I hope it will raise a smile. I have been asking mum about anything touching or funny she can think of because I don't want it to be sad-sad-sad - it's sad enough already. We already remembered the time when mum looked up from changing my nappy to find a pig in the front garden (the houses behind our house used to be a farm when I was weeny) and a bottle of dads home made wine exploding over my sister in law (before she was my SIL) in the middle of the night when she and my brother were staying at mum and dads many years ago!
I have lots of very lovely memories but don't want it all to be about my memories of dad ... however not much is forthcoming from others. I remember standing with dad on the patio at the end of the drought of '76 in the rain until we were soaking wet - and that wonderful smell of wet concrete after rain (which I am reliably informed is called 'petrichor') - his poor garden was baked to the bone. I remember getting splinters out of his hard hands with a needle and that he always smelled faintly of creosote
Mum is in such a rush to get it all over with she just said 'don't make it too long' which upset me a bit.
Readings
Two lovely readings -
‘All is well’
by Henry Scott-Holland
and
‘Remember Me’ by David Harkins
So there we are. I hope he would have liked it.
OK...so I'm going to bed a bit soggy tonight.....Tears started with your Dad's lovely picture...... and as a part Irish person ( admittedly only a tiny part) carried on with the Danny Boy.
I've done two eulogies, my younger sister and my Not-Aunt's....she had no family except us, who were no relation at all!! The lady Vicar told me that it takes "extra hold" hairspray and waterproof mascara to get her through most funerals looking reasonably professional. My rich cousin asked if I took bookings as I'd got it right I didn't know how much to charge!!
You are doing him ( your Dad I mean) and more to the point...you are doing yourself proud. Good on yer Kid.x.
) carried on with the Danny Boy.I've done two eulogies, my younger sister and my Not-Aunt's....she had no family except us, who were no relation at all!! The lady Vicar told me that it takes "extra hold" hairspray and waterproof mascara to get her through most funerals looking reasonably professional.
My rich cousin asked if I took bookings as I'd got it right I didn't know how much to charge!!You are doing him ( your Dad I mean) and more to the point...you are doing yourself proud. Good on yer Kid.x.
More sad news ....
Just when you're feeling overwhelmed enough!
Mum called me in floods of tears this morning to say that she just had a phone call from a childhood friend to say that her husband died the day before dad. Both my dad and her late husband were called Donald and we used to know them as Auntie and Uncle (calling family friends Auntie and Uncle seemed to be the done thing when I was little).
She lives very close to mum and I often tried to get them together but the other lady was very protective of her husband and worried about leaving him unattended. When the dust settles I hope they can find comfort in each others company.
I feel so battered emotionally.
Just when you're feeling overwhelmed enough!
Mum called me in floods of tears this morning to say that she just had a phone call from a childhood friend to say that her husband died the day before dad. Both my dad and her late husband were called Donald and we used to know them as Auntie and Uncle (calling family friends Auntie and Uncle seemed to be the done thing when I was little).
She lives very close to mum and I often tried to get them together but the other lady was very protective of her husband and worried about leaving him unattended. When the dust settles I hope they can find comfort in each others company.
I feel so battered emotionally.
Two more things done ...
Collected dads belongings from the care home today - and sorted out the paperwork. I asked for all his clothing to go to a charity shop. I was really glad to see the picture that I brought to put up in his room for him, over a year ago now, when I cleared mum and dads house. Its a lovely painting of boats in a harbour - indicative of his (and my) love of the ocean. I shall find a home for it - probably in the downstairs cloakroom which is a lovely shade of ocean blue - it will sit well in there
Also sent out all the funeral notifications - the word 'invitation' doesn't seem quite right!
Tomorrow my brother is coming down to spend the day with mum and I am very much looking forward to a splash of normality - I will be spending the morning at work having a catch up with the boss - who is THE most wonderful person. As well as my manager she is my friend, mentor - counsellor, at times - so many things! Such a wise, wise woman.
I really fell on my feet when I found this job!
Collected dads belongings from the care home today - and sorted out the paperwork. I asked for all his clothing to go to a charity shop. I was really glad to see the picture that I brought to put up in his room for him, over a year ago now, when I cleared mum and dads house. Its a lovely painting of boats in a harbour - indicative of his (and my) love of the ocean. I shall find a home for it - probably in the downstairs cloakroom which is a lovely shade of ocean blue - it will sit well in there
Also sent out all the funeral notifications - the word 'invitation' doesn't seem quite right!
Tomorrow my brother is coming down to spend the day with mum and I am very much looking forward to a splash of normality - I will be spending the morning at work having a catch up with the boss - who is THE most wonderful person. As well as my manager she is my friend, mentor - counsellor, at times - so many things! Such a wise, wise woman.
I really fell on my feet when I found this job!
Not long now ...
well, I've finished the eulogy - sent it to my brother. He said there is no way he could have written anything like it (just as well i did it then!)
Found a much better photo of dad - much clearer - for the order of service. It's from my wedding album (but I have cropped myself out!)
Husband (who is a whizz on Photoshop) is going to blur the background so the edge of my veil cant be seen. I can barely remember dad looking like that - which is one of the many very sad things about this condition....we forget how people were.
well, I've finished the eulogy - sent it to my brother. He said there is no way he could have written anything like it (just as well i did it then!)
Found a much better photo of dad - much clearer - for the order of service. It's from my wedding album (but I have cropped myself out!)
Husband (who is a whizz on Photoshop) is going to blur the background so the edge of my veil cant be seen. I can barely remember dad looking like that - which is one of the many very sad things about this condition....we forget how people were.
Attachments
Lovely photo.
I just gave the Funeral director a photo of both of us and they did the rest, removing me etc.
I just gave the Funeral director a photo of both of us and they did the rest, removing me etc.
