violence

[LAP]

Hi. Bad day today, in fact the worst.

We have 140 metres of beech hedging surrounding our property, we surround 4 gardens., Arranged for the first time to have sean to cut it at the end of the season plus reduce one of the sides by 3/4 feet. Sorry still in feet and inches.

Sean arrived, 8.30 as arranged, " what is he doing in MY, MY , MY, PROPERTY.

I spoke to Sean, [whose grandma has alzhiemers] waited a few minutes and eventually got John into the house, still abusive and asked sean to start the job.
He had told his 2 guys - any problems Lillian and I will deal with it.

John sat in his chair and was absolutely so annoyed.. I could do this job --he has done it for 20 years when we moved in. But I am now 71 and with a father of 97 with heart function problems I have not the heart, or the energy.
,
I actually thought that John was going to hit me earlier. First time ever, Got quite a fright because he is a very tall man with weight behind him, whereas I am 5.3.and no weight.
He said afterwards that he objected to the cost. Actually he has no idea of the cost of anything!!
Sorry about the rant of a disastrous start but successful day.

Feeling alone at this time .

Lillian

 

[Jinx]

Sorry to read about your day, everything is just a huge uphill battle isn't it? What one imagines will be acceptable often turns out to be anything but. It must have been very alarming to see John becoming aggressive. I have only had very minor signs so far but even that from my very gentle husband was upsetting.

Do hope tomorrow is a better day for you both.


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[onlyme247]

Sorry your feeling so alone can only say I understand and hope you can find some peace now to allow you to sleep. Goodnight hopefully

 

[rajahh]

It was always a nightmare if I needed repairs done. I do sympathise. It is dreadful when you become frightened of your husband.

 

[Chuggalug]

LAP, I get the grumbles from hubby when I get our grass cut. "How much was it?" is always the question. So I tell him. Hate that bit but I won't lie to him. Then he grumbles that the job wasn't done properly. Can't fight this one. Just have to 'roll with it', as they say.

But it IS hard.

Sending you my best wishes and hope things are calmer, now.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Such a hard one isn't it, getting help that's needed in the face of the incomprehension that Dementia brings? I told my husband that our son had arranged for the help, and was paying for it. He'll accepts our son's ideas more readily than anything I might do!

 

[Bronwen]

Feeling alone is one of the worst feelings when looking after your loved one who has dementia, but believe me you arent alone, there are so many of us who have felt exactly the same. Keep writing to us on TP and putting your feelings into words...we all understand and feel for you

Bronwen

 

[LadyA]

Oh, sympathies! I ended up with a "hedge" that is now about 15 feet high, but eventually got it cut by arranging for someone to come and do it, and I took William out before they got here, and didn't bring him home until they were done! He would not allow a "tree" to be cut. In the event, he never noticed it had been done!

 

[pamann]

We are having our drive done, husband very angry, took him out yesterday, he wasn't happy , hopefully they will finish today, any changes seems to unsettle him, its so difficult having anything done.

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[jaymor]

I had work done whilst my husband was at day care. Any workman had to come after he left and be gone before he came back. Must have looked a bit suspicious to the neighbours.

Jay

 

[Yanni]

Like others, I resort to subterfuge in order to get these tasks done, if I can't do them myself. I have no qualms about "lying" about the price, or who is paying, as OH is living in the past and I give him past prices. I can see no point in getting us both upset about something that really doesn't matter

 

[marionq]

All very familiar. I do pretty much everything myself nowadays and am often shattered but my husband not only doesn't notice but if I say how exhausted I am he glances up and then goes back to what he was doing- looking at a newspaper or rummaging. This cannot continue as I am now 70 and energy is draining away so paying for help is on the cards. I will take note of all you have said as husband is fine with me being exhausted but will complain about paying for it!