Very bad day!!!!

[chelle92]

So today started out good, but quickly went down hill fast. Out of nowhere my grandmother started "packing her things" in which she took all her clothes and put in trash bags and all her shoes. And even had a seperate bag for her babydolls (she likes any kind of doll or stuffed animal, the calls them her babydolls) and insisted I put them in the car because people are stealing her stuff. So not to anger her I put the bags in the car. And everything was fine for about an hour, untill she went into her room and started going off saying someone stole everything. So I told her that we put them in the car so they would be safe (maybe it wasnt a good love lie??) And that made her even madder, the rest of the day she accused me of stealing her stuff.

What am I supposed to do when she decides to do this again?
Seems to be happening every few weeks now and once she has a fit like this she will be fine for a week or two, then it starts all over again.

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[lin1]

Hello
None of this is easy is it.
I would have done exactly the same as you.

Could you try to put them back where they should be,without mums seeing you do this.

Personally I found with my mum that their came a time when reasoning or explaining the truth, ie she had done/wanted this done, did not work, the reason was mum could not remember saying or doing it , so dad and me had to have done it deliberately as she would never have done or said such a thing !
So sometimes we found it best to apologise quickly and say something like, we had had a senior moment (daft moment), that didn't always work either.

I don't know if you have seen an old thread on here called Compassionate communication with the memory impaired, apologies id you have.
It might give you some ideas but I must say it is not an easy act to follow.

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

 

[sunray]

Chelle, read a book once about a lady who packed up every morning and left her suitcases in the hall, her DIL moved them into the next bedroom. Every day in the late afternoon while her MIL was in the bathroom she moved them back into the bedroom. The MIL saw them and she made a remark about not having unpacked yet. She said as this occupied MIL for some time morning and afternoon she considered it therapy!

All we can do is our best. I used to take the blame: just something simple like "silly me" and then distract Mum from whatever she was talking about and then refocus her on the fact that the handbag, shoes, whatever she thought was "lost or stolen" was actually on her floor near the bed. That seemed to work for small things. I can see where a whole room would be more problematic but I am sure you will come up with a solution eventually.

I can understand why it is so difficult to change the way you look at life because life through dementia sufferer's eyes must be like being in a strange land. And it certainly seems that way for the carer sometimes.

 

[carer21]

Hello chelle
Read your post and it sounds a familiar one to us. Think you did what was right at the time. For the past 2 years or so mum (who lives with us) has packed up to go 'home' ( to the house she lived in till 1939!) and quite frequently accuses me or someone else of hiding, moving or stealing her stuff. The things she packs can be so random and probably not much practical use but hey ho they're the things she thinks will be useful or be her favourites of the moment. I've learnt through trial and error to let her put her 'luggage' where she will and then I put it back in her room when she's not looking. She's forgotten where it was and it seems to help avoid the stealing issue as I can quickly point it out to her when she's accusing 'someone' of stealing/hiding/moving her things. Seems to work for us - most of the time!!!
On a funny note it's also a good opportunity for me to reclaim our missing teaspoons out of the 'luggage.' Perhaps teaspoons were in short supply in the war and that's why you need to hoard them!!!!


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[Fhvn]

Well done! when my husband did this I put things back only to have him say I made duplicates of everything and his real stuff was at his other house.


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[Tin]

packing

So today started out good, but quickly went down hill fast. Out of nowhere my grandmother started "packing her things" in which she took all her clothes and put in trash bags and all her shoes. And even had a seperate bag for her babydolls (she likes any kind of doll or stuffed animal, the calls them her babydolls) and insisted I put them in the car because people are stealing her stuff. So not to anger her I put the bags in the car. And everything was fine for about an hour, untill she went into her room and started going off saying someone stole everything. So I told her that we put them in the car so they would be safe (maybe it wasnt a good love lie??) And that made her even madder, the rest of the day she accused me of stealing her stuff.

What am I supposed to do when she decides to do this again?
Seems to be happening every few weeks now and once she has a fit like this she will be fine for a week or two, then it starts all over again.

Sent from My Galaxy S5 app

you can't stop it! my mum has a 4 day cycle, 1st,2nd,3rd packing all her belongings into any bag she can get hold off, she even packs eggs wrapped separately like precious china, targets my belongings too. so far these bags have not made it to the car, but my hallway is getting very crowded. on the 4th day she 'rests' and wants to know where her clothes are, so the bags get put back in her bedroom and sort of put away and then theres another obsession for a few days and then back to packing. I have to ignore it, I don't help her to pack or unpack because I get shouted at. why she does it?? at first I thought this was a physical plea to go home, then maybe it was because she didn't know where anything was and finally not trusting anyone. at present, she has her eye on a suitcase that I left out by mistake, bet you shes thinking that it would be useful for some thing, I can't put it away now, it will upset her so i'll have to wait and see what she does, maybe shes thinking its just the right size for one of the cats! she already wraps her little dog in blankets at bedtime.