Just a little rant...my father with advanced dementia is now in a nursing home and I'm also visiting other elderly friends of his in other similar types of places. I just can't get over the lack of understanding and therapy on offer. I'm not talking about mistreatment...just a sort of giving up on him. These places just seem to leave the telly on all day and there's little attempt at conversation or any kind of meaningful therapy. Occasionally a carer will bob a balloon about and once a month someone comes into sing but that's about it. If we didn't visit him regularly he'd just sit there. There needs to be a radical change in the treatment of this illness and elderley people in general...it really isn't good enough. I feel compelled to do something big and campaigning (spot the media background) but not sure what....any suggestions.
Much better care needed in homes
- Thread starter sebastian
- Start date
I'm so sorry for you and your Dad, because not every home is like that. The TV is very rarely on the the lounge at my Mum's CH....it is on the EMI wing, but always with a carer in the room to encourage and explain to those watching. They are always asking for entertainment ideas too from residents and visitors alike...all ideas welcome.
your home sounds brilliant..I visited my mums friend with dementia yesterday and she was laying in her dressing gown on the bed .. they hadn't even bothered to get her up. I couldn't complain because she's not my family but it worried me.
My Husband's CH does have the TV on but there are quiet places for the residents to go.
There is entertainment every afternoon and it's turned off then.The entertainment can be old time music (with dancing). Music therapy,an entertainer, arts and crafts,dart and skittle competitions, petting dogs and,Ive noticed on the entertainment board, a visiting
therapy group who bring along spider and reptiles
So there is something going on every day.
Take care
Lyn T
There is entertainment every afternoon and it's turned off then.The entertainment can be old time music (with dancing). Music therapy,an entertainer, arts and crafts,dart and skittle competitions, petting dogs and,Ive noticed on the entertainment board, a visiting
therapy group who bring along spider and reptiles
So there is something going on every day.
Take care
Lyn T
Hi Sebastian,
I couldn't agree more. Your father's care home sounds like every care home I've ever been in. My mum was in a succession of homes for respite care and they were all as you've described.
A dear friend of mine went into a care home just before Christmas and I visit her at least once a week. The place is awful - dead. The staff are not unkind, just no meaningful contact. There is usually a CD playing in the lounge - no staff to be seen and no way of residents getting help if needed. Most of them just sit in their chairs and sleep.
I manicured my friend's fingernails yesterday because they were so long and dirty. Whilst I was doing this, a new lady was admitted for respite care. The home owner made a great show of introducing her to the other residents (while her family were present) only to leave her sitting alone in the middle of the lounge as soon as they had gone.
I felt so depressed when I got home.
What is the answer? I don't know - I wish I did. If you do find something big to do to raise this issue, please count me in.
I couldn't agree more. Your father's care home sounds like every care home I've ever been in. My mum was in a succession of homes for respite care and they were all as you've described.
A dear friend of mine went into a care home just before Christmas and I visit her at least once a week. The place is awful - dead. The staff are not unkind, just no meaningful contact. There is usually a CD playing in the lounge - no staff to be seen and no way of residents getting help if needed. Most of them just sit in their chairs and sleep.
I manicured my friend's fingernails yesterday because they were so long and dirty. Whilst I was doing this, a new lady was admitted for respite care. The home owner made a great show of introducing her to the other residents (while her family were present) only to leave her sitting alone in the middle of the lounge as soon as they had gone.
I felt so depressed when I got home.
What is the answer? I don't know - I wish I did. If you do find something big to do to raise this issue, please count me in.
The TV is often turned off in my husband's nursing home too or sometimes it is tuned to a channel playing music. Activities ladies organise quizzes, bingo, memory sessions, gentle excercise and art and craft sessions and suchlike.
Singers, flautists and other musical ensembles etc. visit ffrom time to time and various Church leaders hold regular services for those that wish to attend them. There is some activitiy every day and at weekends too. Once a week a group go out in a mini-bus which is shared with another LA home. There is a room set up as a cinema too and a sensory room too.
It is a shame that so many of the residents, especially in my husband's wing- including my husband, are too frail to take advantage of all that is arranged but most do enjoy anything musical. Most cannot carry on a conversation either and spend a lot of time sleeping or dozing. There will always be residents who are not able to participate in activities no matter how many diversions are organised. I do feel sorry for the Activities Organisers who try so very hard.
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Must agree with you also on our experience of the care home, it may vary across the country but can only report on our views of what we seen.
I would add to my earlier post....my Mum sometimes spends the day in or on her bed...it's her choice.....no one is allowed to force Mum to "do" anything. I was amazed on Sunday to see one of their lady residents up, dressed and hair done, and being properly alert....I've not seen her up and around for weeks...she was back to lying on her bed in her nightie today and being grumpy too...again it was her choice.
As long as choice is offered and supervision given where needed, then bed or activities is personal preference
As long as choice is offered and supervision given where needed, then bed or activities is personal preference
My Mum's care home have a lot of activities going on, they encourage but obviously do not force people to join in, they do karaoke, which I was amazed to see my Mum join in as she would never have done so before she became this other person, when they are sitting in the lounge there is often someone painting the ladies nails or rolling up hair as if they are in a salon, which encourages conversation and I have seen the carers dancing with some of the residents. My Mum doesn't usually join in much at all but that is her choice. It is a shame not all care homes are as enthusiastic.
Ange
Ange
I too have visited a lot of care homes. Many are as you describe; functional in that residents are kept clean(ish) and fed and are not mistreated but the one to one contact and any form of contact is purely functional is often sadly lacking in real human interaction.
I feel that this is caused by a lack of proper funding, lack of good training and lack of good management.
Funding is a complex business because some residents pay the full price themselves, some residents pay 'top up fees' because of having a larger bedroom etc., and some residents are paid for by local authorities and health trusts. The fees for the latter residents are held down b y local authorities and health trusts to a point where care homes can only give the basics of care. For example my local authority pay around the £460 per week mark. This leaves little money to spare to give more than a token effort to socialise and stimulate residents.
All private care homes have to make a profit or at least pay their way and local authorities and health trusts have the power to keep care home fees to a bare minimum because of the volume of residents they pay for. Many care homes have almost their entire occupancy levels paid for by public funds and unless they provide care at the costs the LA's have set, then they cannot stay in business.
Successive governments have encouraged the privatisation of the care home industry and have turned more or less a blind eye to the quality of care. The Care Quality Commission are more concerned with policing what is a basic level of care acceptable. No government have ever legislated for minimum staffing levels or minimum professional qualifications. Hence we have so very many care homes giving basic care and trying to square the circle of money available for them to give the extra attention and stimulation which we as relatives would like to see.
It takes a very, very good manager to squeeze out the time and resources for this and I personally know of many managers and staff who do so much and give of their own time to make life a little better for their residents than 'basic care' levels. Even the most advanced of residents can benefit from some time and effort spent on reaching them and I take my hat off to staff who make great efforts to achieve this.
xxTinaT
I feel that this is caused by a lack of proper funding, lack of good training and lack of good management.
Funding is a complex business because some residents pay the full price themselves, some residents pay 'top up fees' because of having a larger bedroom etc., and some residents are paid for by local authorities and health trusts. The fees for the latter residents are held down b y local authorities and health trusts to a point where care homes can only give the basics of care. For example my local authority pay around the £460 per week mark. This leaves little money to spare to give more than a token effort to socialise and stimulate residents.
All private care homes have to make a profit or at least pay their way and local authorities and health trusts have the power to keep care home fees to a bare minimum because of the volume of residents they pay for. Many care homes have almost their entire occupancy levels paid for by public funds and unless they provide care at the costs the LA's have set, then they cannot stay in business.
Successive governments have encouraged the privatisation of the care home industry and have turned more or less a blind eye to the quality of care. The Care Quality Commission are more concerned with policing what is a basic level of care acceptable. No government have ever legislated for minimum staffing levels or minimum professional qualifications. Hence we have so very many care homes giving basic care and trying to square the circle of money available for them to give the extra attention and stimulation which we as relatives would like to see.
It takes a very, very good manager to squeeze out the time and resources for this and I personally know of many managers and staff who do so much and give of their own time to make life a little better for their residents than 'basic care' levels. Even the most advanced of residents can benefit from some time and effort spent on reaching them and I take my hat off to staff who make great efforts to achieve this.
xxTinaT
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Less than a decade ago, my dad sent me a Spotify link. I’d never heard of it until then. He would advise me on computer issues. Two years ago I was loathed to have to put him into a care home. He was very advanced by this stage, but had hidden it very well. In this two short years he has been in three homes as well as a spell in an NHS unit. He is 78, mobile, physically well, although now frail due to the dementia. He wanders around the home almost constantly, chatting to nobody. He lives in his own world, but when I arrive he snaps back to our world. Well, not entirely, he’s still in his, but he loves company and attention. I sit with him and he chats away. He smiles, he laughs. He doesn’t know who I am , but most often knows he knows me. He doesn’t make any sense, but he thinks he does. I know that the carers don’t have the time or the understanding of what he’s about, to just sit with him for short periods and let him chat. That’s all he needs. He can’t cope with activities. He won’t go outside the door. His understanding of the outside world has gone, other than his own concept of it. He believes he goes out, he believes he works, he just needs those that are around him to recognise that fact. They don’t. Because his attention span is that of a matter of seconds, they probably think it doesn’t matter. Whatever I have said to them, makes no difference. He is classed as another generic old person. They often talk about him to me, in front of him. It shouldn’t matter that he may not understand. How can they be sure of that? He will often say something, anything, in those situations to get some attention.
I have looked at other homes recently, but felt they couldn’t offer anything better. In fact, they seemed worse. I constantly despair. He is paying £900 a week for this. I get what you are saying. I really do. There is a great deal of misunderstanding of the requirements to help those who are unfortunate enough to end up with a disease of the brain.
I have looked at other homes recently, but felt they couldn’t offer anything better. In fact, they seemed worse. I constantly despair. He is paying £900 a week for this. I get what you are saying. I really do. There is a great deal of misunderstanding of the requirements to help those who are unfortunate enough to end up with a disease of the brain.
This is my mum in a nutshell too. I agree with you absolutely. It means that I go in to visit mum nearly every day and try to arrange other visitors too. They don't really understand though and mostly think it is a pointless exercise since mum can't hear and can't remember...but mum spends most of her day looking out the window for people she knows, so it must be important to her to have the 1:1 attention.
Sebastain,
The picture you paint sums up my memories and videos of the period my late wife spent in a Nursing Home. A little plain speaking is sadly absent. We all like to believe we did the right thing in placing our loved one in a NH and don't like to confront that nagging doubt and feeling of guilt. Plus we will tell one another we did the best thing, and we did there was nothing better on offer.
The 'Home' my wife in received many letters thanking them for the job they were doing. The truth is we are scared to speak out for fear of our loved ones suffering the backlash. As both our daughter and I departed the NH for the final time she remarked: "Dad they're pleased to be rid of both you and Mum." "Why" I asked.
"You witnessed the whole system in operation."
As I spent between eight hours daily visiting not only did I notice the short comings of the system but recorded them. The use of video recording was not welcomed, but I had no problem recording in the absence of staff.
Now I have recorded my experiences of my wife's 'stay' (not cheap) in a NHs plus stays in hospitals, and the four years and nine months after I took her home are in my book. My approach is 'publish and be dammed'. No doubt there will be some people feeling a little uncomfortable, but my evidence is irrefutable. The medical diary, videos and photos tell their own story.
During my visits to the NH I experienced the same pain, frustration and anger each time I departed to return home as others on here now do. I've mentioned that in my book and the cost to the NHS that is incurred in treating carers.
The staff were well fed with their own dining room. The standard of care was not their fault, they were 'trained'. What they lacked was proper teaching that leads to never ending learning and a thirst for knowledge. Learning the best care for an individual can be a very rewarding experience as I've discovered.
Sorry if I've upset anyone.
The picture you paint sums up my memories and videos of the period my late wife spent in a Nursing Home. A little plain speaking is sadly absent. We all like to believe we did the right thing in placing our loved one in a NH and don't like to confront that nagging doubt and feeling of guilt. Plus we will tell one another we did the best thing, and we did there was nothing better on offer.
The 'Home' my wife in received many letters thanking them for the job they were doing. The truth is we are scared to speak out for fear of our loved ones suffering the backlash. As both our daughter and I departed the NH for the final time she remarked: "Dad they're pleased to be rid of both you and Mum." "Why" I asked.
"You witnessed the whole system in operation."
As I spent between eight hours daily visiting not only did I notice the short comings of the system but recorded them. The use of video recording was not welcomed, but I had no problem recording in the absence of staff.
Now I have recorded my experiences of my wife's 'stay' (not cheap) in a NHs plus stays in hospitals, and the four years and nine months after I took her home are in my book. My approach is 'publish and be dammed'. No doubt there will be some people feeling a little uncomfortable, but my evidence is irrefutable. The medical diary, videos and photos tell their own story.
During my visits to the NH I experienced the same pain, frustration and anger each time I departed to return home as others on here now do. I've mentioned that in my book and the cost to the NHS that is incurred in treating carers.
The staff were well fed with their own dining room. The standard of care was not their fault, they were 'trained'. What they lacked was proper teaching that leads to never ending learning and a thirst for knowledge. Learning the best care for an individual can be a very rewarding experience as I've discovered.
Sorry if I've upset anyone.
Not all homes are the same
The home my Mum is in is working hard to make sure that the residents are treated as people. We're lucky that the carers come across as doing just that - care. They always have time to listen and respond to Mum even though she doesn't make sense any more.
The home has brought in a programme called Namaste. I'm not sure of the details of this but each resident on a rota basis gets time where a carer washes and massages a certain part of their body (e.g. feet, hands). It's all done in a relaxing manner with gentle music and an aroma light thing in the corner of the room. The residents are covered in a warming blanket while this happens. Whilst we didn't think Mum would agree to this, apparently she is happy with it and her general behaviour on her Namaste days is happier and better.
On certain days, someone seeing Mum would think that she has been forgotten about, still in her pyjamas in the afternoon or still in bed but we're very aware that this is what she has decided she wants to do. Whilst she has lost a lot of her ability to understand or do things, she hasn't lost her ability to know what she wants to bother with.
The home my Mum is in is working hard to make sure that the residents are treated as people. We're lucky that the carers come across as doing just that - care. They always have time to listen and respond to Mum even though she doesn't make sense any more.
The home has brought in a programme called Namaste. I'm not sure of the details of this but each resident on a rota basis gets time where a carer washes and massages a certain part of their body (e.g. feet, hands). It's all done in a relaxing manner with gentle music and an aroma light thing in the corner of the room. The residents are covered in a warming blanket while this happens. Whilst we didn't think Mum would agree to this, apparently she is happy with it and her general behaviour on her Namaste days is happier and better.
On certain days, someone seeing Mum would think that she has been forgotten about, still in her pyjamas in the afternoon or still in bed but we're very aware that this is what she has decided she wants to do. Whilst she has lost a lot of her ability to understand or do things, she hasn't lost her ability to know what she wants to bother with.
My Mum has been in a care home for respite recently. I visited her one day and she was in her pyjamas lying on her bed. The staff said she was having a "lazy day." The next day my brother visited her and it was the same situation. I understand that it's her choice but I don't believe she was encouraged to get up as it's probably easier for the staff. Another day when I went in she was up and about. She was in the dementia unit because she had attempted a "break out." In other words she had opened a gate to go to a different area. I didn't know any of the staff in there and they made a big show of saying how much they "loved" my Mum. One of the staff even gave Mum a hug and a kiss and Mum grimaced. When we went to sit down she told me she didn't like that member of staff. But again, sometimes she doesn't like me so I didn't read too much into it. Some of the homes people are writing about sound wonderful and I would love to find one like that for Mum if/when she has to go into one full time.
Oh, and I forgot to say that she has been in respite for a few days at a time and come home in the same clothes she was wearing when she went in. When we asked if she had had a bath or shower we were told she had declined. Very poor. I struggle to get Mum to shower - I've given up on trying to get her into the bath - but they are the professionals and should have some strategies in place.
Padraig, I have read your book and I would have done exactly the same had I ever been in your position. My Mum is luckily in a very good care home, I know that because I am there a lot as my Dad wants to be there as often as he can and I am the one that has to take him there as he is too frail now to drive himself or get public transport, however, before she went to this home she was in emergency respite care and I honestly do not know how they keep passing the cqc inspections, I eventually told the SS that they must get Mum into one of the two homes I had chosen as I would not let my worse enemy stay in that place, it was disgusting the way they treated the residents. All the best staff they had in there are now working at Mum's new home and they have told me that they all complained about various things that went on in that home, but nothing ever was done about it. The Manager must be well in with someone in the cqc, I too have spoken to SS regarding this but they do nothing. I am in the process of writing to the cqc to ask how they can keep letting this home pass their inspections with flying colours. I am glad my Mum is out of there but it worries me that some people there have nobody to speak up for them. xx
Ange
This is it - people are not all the same and some people with dementia just don't want to be bothered with anything. Others do like to be occupied. My mother doesn't want to be bothered now - and really never did - and I was very cross not long ago ( though not with them) when the CH staff told me apologetically that they had taken her to some activity when she didn't want to go and they knew she was past joining in or enjoying it.
They had done it because a CQC inspector was visiting and apparently people 'just sitting' can mean a black mark. Once again a case of a wretched tick-box attitude - I do wonder whether that inspector actually had a clue about dementia. At any rate I said that if it ever happens again they are to leave her in peace and refer the inspector to me.
Even more worrying -my Husband is being visited at his CH by a community health team for monitoring of his behaviour. The Manager told me that on one occasion one of the team rudely told them that they should 'engage' Pete in dominoes.Did this 'expert' in Dementia really think that they hadn't tried to 'engage' him.Did they think I hadn't tried to 'engage' him. Of course we had.
On another occasion they said 'well done' for showing Pete 'paper therapy'-that's when he tears up loads of tissues/books/mags and stuffs all the bits in his pockets. When he's finished that he tries to pull the curtains off the rails
Is that 'material therapy'?As you say what do these experts 'know'
Take care
Lyn T
Even more worrying -my Husband is being visited at his CH by a community health team for monitoring of his behaviour. The Manager told me that on one occasion one of the team rudely told them that they should 'engage' Pete in dominoes.Did this 'expert' in Dementia really think that they hadn't tried to 'engage' him.Did they think I hadn't tried to 'engage' him. Of course we had.
On another occasion they said 'well done' for showing Pete 'paper therapy'-that's when he tears up loads of tissues/books/mags and stuffs all the bits in his pockets. When he's finished that he tries to pull the curtains off the rails
As you say what do these experts 'know'
Take care
Lyn T
Clueless 'experts'...
Actually I have just thought what a good murder-mystery title it would make, e.g. ,The Case Of The Clueless Expert' - good old Agatha Raisin would enjoy that, not to mention moi.
