A life in the day of.........................

[Grannie G]

Oh Jan,

I wish you`d put your birthday on the calendar.

This year was my 65th. Dhiren bought my card, but I bought my own present, a watch, after we`d both discussed it.
All day, on my birthday, he kept worrying that he hadn`t bought me a present.

Please put your birthday on the calendar, so we can hacve a `virtual ` party next year.

Much love to a very youthful 40 year old. So what, if I can`t do my sums.

 

[BeckyJan]

Sorry but I do not know how to put my b/day on the calendar - I did look at it and thought maybe it was my fault for not divulging my birthday when becoming a member!
Glad you cannot add up.
Love Jan

 

[ROSEANN]

Happy Birthday

Dear Beckyjan
Wishing you a very Happy Birthday.
Hope you have a good night out and have a glass of something for me.
All the best
Roseann

 

[sue38]

Happy Birthday Beckyjan and enjoy your meal.

I will raise a glass (or two, or three...) for you tonight.

 

[BeckyJan]

Thanks all - I have posted a longer message in the Tearoom.
Best wishes Jan

 

[Grannie G]

I met with an advocate today, from Carer`s Voice. She had offered to meet with me , away from home, to see what help I could be given.

I told her about SS saying I couldn`t be considered a priority. I told her about everyone advising me a Carer`s Assessment is my right. I told her I didn`t know what help to ask for.

She told me that as long as my husband refused to have anyone come to the house to help, there was nothing she could help me with.

And that`s a fact.

I cannot, at this stage, either lock my husband in, or force him to accept support.
So I will have to wait until his condition changes, until he is more compliant, or until I find myself unable to attend to his needs.

But the `going home` phases have reduced considerably. Why? Because he thinks he is going home on Monday.

 

[daughter]

It just doesn't seem right that it appears no-one can offer just the smallest bit of help that would make such a difference.

We all know that if someone has dementia there is often a negative reaction to strangers coming to the house, and yet there may be a different reaction to the one expected, so I do not understand why they cannot offer to at least give it a go.

Thinking of you Sylvia.

love from Hazel.

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Hazel/daughter.

SS can`t offer anything because I really do not want to waste peoples`s time, especially when resources are so scarce.

I know my husband will walk out of the door, in a strop, if anyone even tries to get near him. He doesn`t want anyone to see him at a disadvantage. He still has pride, misguided maybe, but it`s there all the same.

I am Ok about continuing as we are until it gets too much. Then I`ll yell for help.

 

[Lila13]

What happened about telling him the help was for you, not for him?

How are you physically now?

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Lila, I`m a lot better thanks. Whatever it was is healing naturally.

I don`t feel justified at this stage , using the precious time of carers, just for my husband to familiarise himself with them, on the pretext they`re here for me. When we really need help is the time to ask for it. Now it would be cosmetic.

 

[Grannie G]

Another Milestone?

Today, for the first time, I noticed my husband examining coins, prior to going out for the papers, to ascertain their value.

He showed me a 5 pence piece and asked if it was sixpence. He `read` the numbers on other coins to see what they were worth.

He handles money every day, buying newspapers, lottery tickets, cakes , and oddments of fruit and vegetables, so it isn`t as if he has had a chance to forget.

I`ve read so many posts about those who no longer understand money. Does it always come suddenly, or can it come gradually too? And has it happened to those who use cash regularly, or to those who haven`t used it for a while.

 

[Margarita]

Does it always come suddenly, or can it come gradually too?

Never really thought about it before , with my mother it came gradually , as in she keep £100 in her bag , but when she went out she would not part with it .

So I had to make sure I had money on me , even thought if was her shopping. or she use her card all the time not parting with the money . ( this is before chip pin )

she would get to confused to hand over cash in a shop , so just stop going to the shop , asking me to go for her, but she still like to have note in her bag , then she looking in to my purse , taking and putting it in to her bag, I could give her £100 in note and she still look in my purse for money ,( she must forget she has money in her bag ) but when I see her taking money from my purse I don't say anything , but she does jump as it she going something wrong, I saw her doing it the other day , make me wonder that the £20 that went missing the other day , that I thought a friend took it , could be my mother and she hide it somewhere .

So I think the wanting money must stay. but the understand of how to spend it gradually go , in my mother case anyway

 

[Lila13]

My mother's understanding of money came and went.

She gave me all her cash, then told the shopkeeper she couldn't buy anything because her children had taken all her money.

One month when her bank statement arrived she gave it to me and said 'I never want to see any of these again', the next month she read it through apparently with her usual keen interest in matters financial.

 

[Skye]

With John it was gradual, but quite quick. He used to study the financial papers every day, and loved it when the dividend cheques came in. He wouldn't even consider having them paid by direct tranfer!

Then he lost the ability to do this, and also to read bank statements, but could still handle cash. Later that went too.

Now, he still understands that money is important, and asks who's paying when we go out with family. (He wants me to pay). But he has no desire to handle it himself. As long as I tell him we have plenty, he's happy.

Once the understanding started to go, it went quite quickly. (You've reminded me, he did go through a phase of asking how much each coin was worth, but it was later than the loss of understanding of statements, etc.)

 

[Grannie G]

Dhiren hasn`t been able to understand bank statements for ages, but this difficulty woth coins is new.

 

[Tender Face]

Today, for the first time, I noticed my husband examining coins

Been through this with mum several times .....

I'd be seeing it as a positive just now Sylvia. Alarm bells rang with me when I realised mum was losing the whole concept of value - e.g I'd arrive with a few bits from the bakers and she'd offer me a £20 note to 'cover it'. All well and good if she was handing over money to people she could trust not to accept it!!!!!! How many times she might have been (and probably still is) 'short-changed' I daren't imagine - not that I'm suggesting shop assitants etc are an unscrupulous bunch of course - just that the danger is there .....

Interesting too that Dhiren talks of 'sixpence' ...mum often goes to her purse (when she can remember where it is! ) to see if she has a 'shilling' to give Tom some pocket money ..... tells its own tale I guess...

Much like Lila I have found both mum's concept of value and practical ability to handle cash varies ... the ability to understand paperwork went a long time ago ...... and where I was anxious about registering EPA and feeling guilty I was taking away her 'control' - she often now happily announces 'I don't have to worry about those things anymore, do I?'

Love, Karen, x

 

[Grannie G]

We`re off to Manchester.

Well it`s M day tomorrow, our long awaited and once postponed trip to Manchester.

Apart from interfering, meddling family, one telling me the holiday is for me, not Dhiren, and the other rubbishing our city centre Hotel, saying it would be more convenient [for him, not for us] if we stayed in the suburbs, Dhiren is very excited.

He is so excited, he has been looking in the garage, for a holdall to pack, after I`ve spent the day putting most of our worldly goods into suitcases, which are ready and waiting in the spare room.

He has promised to take me to the place where he came from, as soon as we get there.

He said we will leave our suitcases at the hotel, as it will be a very long walk...........

Will let you know how it goes. Might be by air mail.

 

[Brucie]

Good luck, Sylvia.

Perhaps you can make your fortune one day publishing "Sylvia's Odyssey".

I'm surprised you haven't managed to get sponsorship from Manchester City Council for doing so much PR for the city here.....

I like Manchester but only really know Oxford Road, by the Uni.

 

[Skye]

Sylvia, hope you have a safe journey to India via Manchester -- and I hope Dhiren recognises it as 'home'

Will be thinking of you,

Love,.

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you both.

I am beginning to have my doubts.

Dhiren is now very nervous, wondering how his family will greet him after 50 years. He doesn`t know whether they will be happy to see him or angry that he`s left it so long.

He is asking questions which are impossible to answer, eg.
`Where do we go once we get to Manchester?`, so Manchester is en route?
Where will I go? [I presume once he`s on his way]
Which station will he get his ticket to Jamui from?
Am I going with him?

I have persuaded him to wait till we get to Manchester and then we`ll take it from there.

He is not happy with my answers.