Hi I'm new here and feel as if my head is exploding. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year although on reflection it must have been there for quite a long time. She has been picked up by the police on a number of occasions at nightime wandering around as she has no concept of day or night. I live about 2 hours drive away and her Alzheimer's Advocate is brilliant at helping and keeping my informed. As my mother is taken to hospital after these wanderings she is at the moment under the care of the Frailty Team at the hospital. On Monday she went missing and the police went to look for her and she was found near a river stuck in the mud and fortunately a jogger spotted her and a few lads pulled her out of the mud suffering mild hypothermia. The Frailty Team are talking of putting sensors on her door to monitor the time she is out but as her point of contact if the contact centre ring I will have to ring the police who are not happy with Social Services and think they should actually do something. Her advocate and myself are thinking the way forward could be sheltered accommodation hoping mother goes for it. Sorry for long rant but needed to get it off my chest.
My mother keeps wandering
- Thread starter janma221
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We had the same problem with my grandmother - unfortunately there is very little you can do other than have her supervised 24/7. It was at this point we decided we could no longer care for our grandmother properly ourselves and she had to be put into a dementia care home. It's upsetting I know, and your mother may still be 'herself' and have 'good days', but you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to her. Don't feel guilty, there's nothing else you can do.
I hope this helps.
We had the same problem with my grandmother - unfortunately there is very little you can do other than have her supervised 24/7. It was at this point we decided we could no longer care for our grandmother properly ourselves and she had to be put into a dementia care home. It's upsetting I know, and your mother may still be 'herself' and have 'good days', but you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to her. Don't feel guilty, there's nothing else you can do.
I hope this helps.
Hello Jamma and welcome to Talking point I am so sorry about your mum wandering it must be so worrying for you, I hope you get something suitable sorted soon, I have no experience of this as my husband who has vascular dementia uses a wheelchair, I am sure there will be people along soon who have some advice for you,
Best wishes Jeany x
Oh I see hannrr has posted while I was writing this,
Best wishes Jeany x
Oh I see hannrr has posted while I was writing this,
Thanks everyone who replied
It is helpful to know I am not alone. I guess it is harder to live with someone with dementia. I feel guilty because I can't be there more often. Since moving to a more rural area my husband and myself are finding it hard to get work and JSA doesn't help cover petrol costs for too many trips. She is coming back home this afternoon so hope with the 4 carers a day they are now putting in she may settle for a while.
It is helpful to know I am not alone. I guess it is harder to live with someone with dementia. I feel guilty because I can't be there more often. Since moving to a more rural area my husband and myself are finding it hard to get work and JSA doesn't help cover petrol costs for too many trips. She is coming back home this afternoon so hope with the 4 carers a day they are now putting in she may settle for a while.
My dad is a wanderer too. He lived most of his life in Lancashire but I live near Bournemouth and when he was starting to struggle we had to move him nearer to us. At that point he wasn't diagnosed with AD and we managed to get him in to a council flat with a part-time warden. Because he had been so far away I wasn't fully aware of the extent of the problem at that stage - I just put it down to old age. He's still about 15 miles away so calling round more than a couple of times a week is hard.
Trouble is he goes for walks and gets lost and if anyone offers to help him and asks where he lives he tells them he lives in Lancashire. The police have picked him up countless times, often miles from home.
Yesterday I had a phone call from a random woman who said your dad is in my garden please could you come and get him. I got there and he was in a filthy pair of trousers wearing his jumper back to front. He'd turned up in this garden carrying a poppy wreath which we think he probably took from the local churchyard and insisted that he'd been invited to a party there.
I took him home and discovered he hasn't taken any of his meds for a few days because he broke the carousel thing that holds them. I'm not sure he actually takes them anyway even when it's working - I've found loads of tablets lying around where he takes them out of his carousel but doesn't actually take them.
I don't think he eats. His fridge is always empty though he says he goes to the shop each day and just gets what he needs for the day. I'm not convinced. He needs someone to go in every day to make sure he eats and takes his meds. But with his wandering tendencies there's no guarantee he would be there.
Last year he got ill and went to hospital, after which he was discharged to a care home. Not before he had escaped from hospital triggering a 4-hour police search. After a 6 week assessment period they asked him if he wanted to stay and he said no because he wasn't allowed out for walks. That was the point of him being there!!! He was sent back to his flat with the promise of daily care visits for the first 6 weeks at least. The visits were stopped after 2 weeks because when he is eating and taking his meds he seems OK so they said he didn't need care.
His social worker came out to see him last week but kind of shrugged and said he didn't think he was the right person to deal with him and that he should get his GP to refer to the Community Mental Health team.
I've taken him to his GP who said wait for his next hospital check-up.
His next hospital appointment is next week but you can guarantee he will be clean & tidy and on top form when he goes there and they'll just say there's no problem.
As far as I can see he can't feed himself, he struggles with washing & dressing and he doesn't take his meds, but no-one is willing to admit there is a problem. We can't afford private care and I just don't know what to do next. I can't afford to become his full-time carer - I need to work.
Trouble is he goes for walks and gets lost and if anyone offers to help him and asks where he lives he tells them he lives in Lancashire. The police have picked him up countless times, often miles from home.
Yesterday I had a phone call from a random woman who said your dad is in my garden please could you come and get him. I got there and he was in a filthy pair of trousers wearing his jumper back to front. He'd turned up in this garden carrying a poppy wreath which we think he probably took from the local churchyard and insisted that he'd been invited to a party there.
I took him home and discovered he hasn't taken any of his meds for a few days because he broke the carousel thing that holds them. I'm not sure he actually takes them anyway even when it's working - I've found loads of tablets lying around where he takes them out of his carousel but doesn't actually take them.
I don't think he eats. His fridge is always empty though he says he goes to the shop each day and just gets what he needs for the day. I'm not convinced. He needs someone to go in every day to make sure he eats and takes his meds. But with his wandering tendencies there's no guarantee he would be there.
Last year he got ill and went to hospital, after which he was discharged to a care home. Not before he had escaped from hospital triggering a 4-hour police search. After a 6 week assessment period they asked him if he wanted to stay and he said no because he wasn't allowed out for walks. That was the point of him being there!!! He was sent back to his flat with the promise of daily care visits for the first 6 weeks at least. The visits were stopped after 2 weeks because when he is eating and taking his meds he seems OK so they said he didn't need care.
His social worker came out to see him last week but kind of shrugged and said he didn't think he was the right person to deal with him and that he should get his GP to refer to the Community Mental Health team.
I've taken him to his GP who said wait for his next hospital check-up.
His next hospital appointment is next week but you can guarantee he will be clean & tidy and on top form when he goes there and they'll just say there's no problem.
As far as I can see he can't feed himself, he struggles with washing & dressing and he doesn't take his meds, but no-one is willing to admit there is a problem. We can't afford private care and I just don't know what to do next. I can't afford to become his full-time carer - I need to work.
JoJoH, I think that I would be insisting that your dad is referred urgently to the Community Mental Health Team. Once I had talked to my mum's GP, we saw someone from that team within a fortnight, so I think that your Dad's GP and the social worker are passing the buck. We've had worrying stories here about people escaping from hospitals with devastating consequences. You can't look after your dad, I worked too, so I know how difficult it is, but clearly someone needs to. I think you need to phone all concerned and make a nuisance of yourself on your dad's behalf.
Janma, the same for you too; I'm not surprised that the police aren't happy with social services. These organisations are linked, but it doesn't always work well as they are all overstretched, but I would have thought that your mum is at serious risk and I would be using words like that, to insist on something better for her. Will sheltered housing stop here wandering though, as it's not secure?
My mum wandered as well, and it's really frightening and was the last straw for me in trying to care for her. She is now in a local care home and is very happy there, I have peace of mind because I know she is so well looked after and safe.
Janma, the same for you too; I'm not surprised that the police aren't happy with social services. These organisations are linked, but it doesn't always work well as they are all overstretched, but I would have thought that your mum is at serious risk and I would be using words like that, to insist on something better for her. Will sheltered housing stop here wandering though, as it's not secure?
My mum wandered as well, and it's really frightening and was the last straw for me in trying to care for her. She is now in a local care home and is very happy there, I have peace of mind because I know she is so well looked after and safe.
Sorry to hear of the problems you are facing. My MIL (long passed) had dementia and on many occasions went wandering about her home village, mostly late at night. We lived 50mls away and the police used to 'phone to say she had been found. It seemed she was looking for somewhere that was familiar to her in her childhood. After many recoveries by the police, they understandably became insistent that something had to be done for her own safety (and to give us peace of mind). MIL was fiercely independant and would not accept something was wrong and so would not consider a care home or anything which suggested she was not able to look after herself. The situation caused great anxiety and stress for my wife, and in that event for me as well. MIL's GP was of no help whatsoever, and when we tried to enlist his help his response was, 'You can't lock somebody away because it suits you'. No consideration for MIL's safety! We couldn't take her in with us as we had two small children, and insufficient accomodation. Eventually, MIL was 'sectioned' and put in an institution which was most definitely not in keeping with her mental status (dementia). This was again extremely distressing and I eventually found a very nice care home much closer to us where my wife could visit her mum on a regular basis, whilst I was at work. Sad to say, it wasn't very much later that MIL passed, and whilst there was grief, there was also much relief for everyone. I believe that, in part, this long, difficult period, took its toll on my wife (now with AD herself).
I send my very best wishes and sincerely hope that you are soon able to find a solution in the best interest of all affected.
I send my very best wishes and sincerely hope that you are soon able to find a solution in the best interest of all affected.
Not safe at home
Had a phone call this morning that the carer had called in and a pan was smouldering on the stove and they had to open the window, fortunately no damage done. It is strange because for a long time she has been telling us her cooker/toaster/dvd and cd player don't work so not sure why she was trying to use the cooker. We visited her this afternoon and she seemed quite happy. Went back home and rang her to say we had got back safely and she said I hadn't said goodbye even though we had said it about 5 times and my little grandson had given her a kiss, She shouted at me and slammed the phone down on me. I just burst into tears but I know it's her illness causing her to say things like this as she doesn't remember very much now. Will have another chat to the social team and advocacy manager and see where we can go from here. Everyone on here has been great and it is helpful to realise I am not alone and not as badly off as a lot of people. Thanks.
Had a phone call this morning that the carer had called in and a pan was smouldering on the stove and they had to open the window, fortunately no damage done. It is strange because for a long time she has been telling us her cooker/toaster/dvd and cd player don't work so not sure why she was trying to use the cooker. We visited her this afternoon and she seemed quite happy. Went back home and rang her to say we had got back safely and she said I hadn't said goodbye even though we had said it about 5 times and my little grandson had given her a kiss, She shouted at me and slammed the phone down on me. I just burst into tears but I know it's her illness causing her to say things like this as she doesn't remember very much now. Will have another chat to the social team and advocacy manager and see where we can go from here. Everyone on here has been great and it is helpful to realise I am not alone and not as badly off as a lot of people. Thanks.
Hi Janma
There comes a time when you have to accept the the person isn't safe to be on their own any more. This happened very rapidly with my mum 6 years ago. She went very rapidly from being just forgetful, to wandering the streets at night. She couldn't distinguish between night a day, and even in the day she was confused - eating breakfast at 5 p.m. or cooking a chicken dinner at 9 a.m. And ringing me at 11 p.m. to ask why it had gone dark.
I had to find a care home for her. And I did. It wasn't perfect, but none are, but I think it was adequate and she was safe, and much less confused.
Maybe that time has come, love.
Love
Margaret
There comes a time when you have to accept the the person isn't safe to be on their own any more. This happened very rapidly with my mum 6 years ago. She went very rapidly from being just forgetful, to wandering the streets at night. She couldn't distinguish between night a day, and even in the day she was confused - eating breakfast at 5 p.m. or cooking a chicken dinner at 9 a.m. And ringing me at 11 p.m. to ask why it had gone dark.
I had to find a care home for her. And I did. It wasn't perfect, but none are, but I think it was adequate and she was safe, and much less confused.
Maybe that time has come, love.
Love
Margaret
I agree with Margaret, Janma, your mum will be safe and you will have peace of mind, I'm so sorry, it's such a hard time xxxxx
Care Home
Thanks Margaret and Dazmum. It is hard when social services say she can't be stopped from going out and if she doesn't want to go into a home nobody can make her. It feels as if she either has to be sectioned or a tragedy has to happen before they will do anything. I thought being found freezing cold stuck in the mud on a river bank would have been considered a crisis but their latest solution is to put a sensor on the door so they can track her movements. I don't honestly have a lot of faith in the system although I can't praise the lovely lady from the Alzheimers Society Advocacy Service enough. She is the voice of reason although her hands are tied on many decisions. I am glad I joined this forum and grateful to everyone who has taken the time to give their help and advice.
Thanks Margaret and Dazmum. It is hard when social services say she can't be stopped from going out and if she doesn't want to go into a home nobody can make her. It feels as if she either has to be sectioned or a tragedy has to happen before they will do anything. I thought being found freezing cold stuck in the mud on a river bank would have been considered a crisis but their latest solution is to put a sensor on the door so they can track her movements. I don't honestly have a lot of faith in the system although I can't praise the lovely lady from the Alzheimers Society Advocacy Service enough. She is the voice of reason although her hands are tied on many decisions. I am glad I joined this forum and grateful to everyone who has taken the time to give their help and advice.
