What would you do?

[Just thinking]

When visiting my Mum last week I was concerned about a carers approach but I didn't feel comfortable about saying anything as I knew she didn't mean any harm, she was just having a little bit of fun with Mum. Let me explain.
Mum and I were sitting at the dining table so her focus was on me and another lady. One of the carers came and sat to one side of her out of Mums line of sight. The carer was smiling and in a fun way 'waited' for Mum to notice her. Of course Mum eventually did see her but as she turned round she jumped with fright. I felt upset inside as this was needless.
I've always believed that we're supposed to always approach a person with AD from the front so that they can see you. So surely, a supposed trained carer ought to know this? I said nothing because I was afraid it might seem petty but still and all, I've been troubled ever since at not opening my mouth and explaining the 'mistake' or simply defending my Mum who can't do it for herself.
The moment has passed for me now and it's too late to have my say to the carer but I just wondered, what would you do in the same or similar situation?

 

[meme]

she meant well and I think you may do best to let this pass...although it hurt you...if it happens again I would say "don't make Mum jump again..it's not fair" in a friendly way, and keep tabs on her

 

[Christin]

Hello, I agree it wasn't fair to your mum, but it is hard to always react quickly and think on our feet. You dont have to go along with any teasing though. I think I would warn your mum another time and perhaps say 'Look, Mum. ...... has joined us.'

Don't be hard on yourself, I'm sure we can all remember times we wish we had behaved differently.

Best wishes to you. X

 

[louas1961]

Probably to late to say anything now but maybe have a word with the boss/manager. Many carers arn't actually trained so that could be something for the home to look into providing for their staff.

 

[Grannie G]

It looks as if that carer could do with some dementia training.

This post reminded me of one of my mother`s carers who said , in an affectionate manner, `Who was a naughty girl this morning?` My mother immediately looked shocked and defensive and of course had no memory of any previous incident.

Some carers need to show family visitors they have a `special` relationship with residents. That in itself shows the need for further training.

 

[Witzend]

It looks as if that carer could do with some dementia training.

This post reminded me of one of my mother`s carers who said , in an affectionate manner, `Who was a naughty girl this morning?` My mother immediately looked shocked and defensive and of course had no memory of any previous incident.

Some carers need to show family visitors they have a `special` relationship with residents. That in itself shows the need for further training.

I am honestly shocked at this from someone who is presumably supposed to be trained in dementia - but not altogether surprised. Didn't she understand that your mother would be shocked and/or upset, even momentarily?

At my mother's CH the asst. manager often used to bring her little dog in, and he was of course very popular with residents. One day I was with my mother when we encountered them and my mother asked what the dog's name was.

After being told she said, 'Oh, that was my father's name!' (presumably for the umpteenth time) and this wretched woman said, in a playful enough tone, 'You say that every time I tell you!'

Of course my mother was very upset (I had told them often enough that she was always hyper-sensitive) and I still regret not going back later and having a firm word with that woman. (she's left now) In general the CH is very good, but in a specialist dementia home where she was asst. manager she really should have known better. Grrrr!

 

[Just thinking]

Hello, I agree it wasn't fair to your mum, but it is hard to always react quickly and think on our feet. You dont have to go along with any teasing though. I think I would warn your mum another time and perhaps say 'Look, Mum. ...... has joined us.'

Don't be hard on yourself, I'm sure we can all remember times we wish we had behaved differently.

Best wishes to you. X

I wish I'd thought of that. It's friendly and non-confrontational and yet it would have got the point across. Hopefully there won't be a next time but if there is, I'll bear this strategy in mind. Thank you.

 

[Just thinking]

I am honestly shocked at this from someone who is presumably supposed to be trained in dementia - but not altogether surprised. Didn't she understand that your mother would be shocked and/or upset, even momentarily?

At my mother's CH the asst. manager often used to bring her little dog in, and he was of course very popular with residents. One day I was with my mother when we encountered them and my mother asked what the dog's name was.

After being told she said, 'Oh, that was my father's name!' (presumably for the umpteenth time) and this wretched woman said, in a playful enough tone, 'You say that every time I tell you!'

Of course my mother was very upset (I had told them often enough that she was always hyper-sensitive) and I still regret not going back later and having a firm word with that woman. (she's left now) In general the CH is very good, but in a specialist dementia home where she was asst. manager she really should have known better. Grrrr!

I've come across this kind of thing as well and I feel like screaming,"SHE CAN'T REMEMBER YOU FOOL" and how I've wished I had a very heavy book on dementia to throw at them! I can understand when it happens with 'lay people' but I can't forgive so-called professionals. But doesn't it hurt when you have to leave and all you can think about is, how many times is this happening to he/she when I'm not there???
Definitely, GRRRR!!!

 

[Just thinking]

It looks as if that carer could do with some dementia training.

This post reminded me of one of my mother`s carers who said , in an affectionate manner, `Who was a naughty girl this morning?` My mother immediately looked shocked and defensive and of course had no memory of any previous incident.

Some carers need to show family visitors they have a `special` relationship with residents. That in itself shows the need for further training.

That's an interesting point and an angle I hadn't thought about. Like they're trying to prove something you mean? Well if that's the case, then it won't be happening when I'm NOT there and that eases my mind somewhat. Thanks.

 

[Just thinking]

she meant well and I think you may do best to let this pass...although it hurt you...if it happens again I would say "don't make Mum jump again..it's not fair" in a friendly way, and keep tabs on her

Yes, you're right, I'm sure she meant well. Thanks for your suggestion - another strategy I can use too.