My husbands´ behaviour has changed dramatically in the last few years

[ladyinspain]

He is 65, and all our 42 years together he has been a wonderful, helpful, attentive loving husband. Friends used to envy me the way I was treated like a queen.
Now, he calls me horrible names, swears at me, says I have controlled his whole life, and everything has to be my way, he has no life. I am shocked and stunned, it´s like a different man has moved in with me. He has always been a drinker, and actually attended a rehab programme for 2 years, and although he says he´s stopped, he hasnt, but it is 1000% less than before, but unfortunately when he starts his rants at me, I usually suspect he has been drinking, although it is not immediately obvious, which is why I am now thinking it could be dementia. He is sooooo hurtful to me, and doesnt seem to care - if I cry, he just says, "here comes the dramatics"....this is such a personality change, and I am finding it hard. I dont have good health, have 10 stents in my arteries, and had a stroke, the stress is horrendous.

 

[stanleypj]

Welcome to Talking Point. This must be awful for you. I think you will find other people on here who have had similar experiences. I hope they will be along soon with advice.

The difficulty in a case like yours is how to get your husband to see that he needs help. But, in view of the serious health problems you have yourself and, as you say, the stress, you should see your GP and explain how awful life is for you and how it is affecting you. He or she may then be able to advise you and perhaps get your husband into the surgery on some pretext.

I do hope you are able to find a way forward.

 

[helennicole]

My husband also was a heavy drinker for many years but several years ago his behaviour and personality began to change and I suspected dementia of some sort.

We made several appointments with his gp who refused to listen to me and said all problems were alcohol related.

Sadly my husband died very suddenly in June, the cause of death was coronary atheroma and the post mortem report showed that his coronary arteries were very badly affected. This can cause poor oxygen supply to the brain which will then affect personality and behaviour.

Heavy drinking as well as smoking are contributary factors to coronary atheroma.

best wishes
Helen

 

[Butter]

I'm afraid this is my experience - without the drink thrown in. Try to lean on the doctors hard until you get help - and lean on TP like I do.

 

[creativesarah]

much support

sarah

 

[LadyKim]

Hi ladyinspain,

I know how you are feeling, my husband has been acting in the same way over the last 8 weeks.

I know it is hard but a friend told me last week that what you have to remember is that your husband is not the same person he was, it's like a demon has taken him over.

Mine has also said the same things to me (and worse), I dont know what i would have done with the support of the people on this site.

My husband also has dementia we found out 5 weeks agao now.

Please try and find a little time just for you, I know its easy said than done, and beleive me I am still trying to find a little time for me

Please remember you are not alone I am always here to chat

Take care and BIG hugs

Kim
XXXXX

He is 65, and all our 42 years together he has been a wonderful, helpful, attentive loving husband. Friends used to envy me the way I was treated like a queen.
Now, he calls me horrible names, swears at me, says I have controlled his whole life, and everything has to be my way, he has no life. I am shocked and stunned, it´s like a different man has moved in with me. He has always been a drinker, and actually attended a rehab programme for 2 years, and although he says he´s stopped, he hasnt, but it is 1000% less than before, but unfortunately when he starts his rants at me, I usually suspect he has been drinking, although it is not immediately obvious, which is why I am now thinking it could be dementia. He is sooooo hurtful to me, and doesnt seem to care - if I cry, he just says, "here comes the dramatics"....this is such a personality change, and I am finding it hard. I dont have good health, have 10 stents in my arteries, and had a stroke, the stress is horrendous.

 

[caseylouise]

I know what you mean although we are just at the start of our 'journey'.

He is 65, and all our 42 years together he has been a wonderful, helpful, attentive loving husband. Friends used to envy me the way I was treated like a queen.
Now, he calls me horrible names, swears at me, says I have controlled his whole life, and everything has to be my way, he has no life. I am shocked and stunned, it´s like a different man has moved in with me. He has always been a drinker, and actually attended a rehab programme for 2 years, and although he says he´s stopped, he hasnt, but it is 1000% less than before, but unfortunately when he starts his rants at me, I usually suspect he has been drinking, although it is not immediately obvious, which is why I am now thinking it could be dementia. He is sooooo hurtful to me, and doesnt seem to care - if I cry, he just says, "here comes the dramatics"....this is such a personality change, and I am finding it hard. I dont have good health, have 10 stents in my arteries, and had a stroke, the stress is horrendous.

 

[bemused1]

Welcome to Talking Point. This must be awful for you. I think you will find other people on here who have had similar experiences. I hope they will be along soon with advice.

The difficulty in a case like yours is how to get your husband to see that he needs help. But, in view of the serious health problems you have yourself and, as you say, the stress, you should see your GP and explain how awful life is for you and how it is affecting you. He or she may then be able to advise you and perhaps get your husband into the surgery on some pretext.

I do hope you are able to find a way forward.[/Q

This is indeed correct. I doubt whether your husband will willingly see a gp and to be honest it isn't always helpful where alcohol has been involved. But for your own sake see your gp and get advice.I too am married to a heavy drinker who turned into someone else a year ago. He refuses any treatment and I have managed to reduce the amount he drinks but although we do not have a diagnosis we have managed to find a sort of peace, for as long as it may last.

Sadly the tendency among the medical profession is to dismiss any problem as alcohol related and to leave you to get on with it. Have you tried the alzheimers. helpline? Sadly any kind of dementia is stressful for those involved but keep coming here we will help if we can.