God save us from do-gooders and would be clinicians

[dottyd]

Mum in a terribly upset state today and no wonder.

1 Nurse called to dress her legs and mum couldn't remember that her keys were in her bag so can't open the door
2 mum in a flap gets more confused and tries to pass phone thru letterbox
3 nurse tries to ring me but I'm unavailable so speaks to my daughter.
4 nurse in a flap. Doesn't listen properly to daughter
5 I call mum to make sure she has gone to daycare. Unaware of what has happened. Nurse in house. Nurse comes to phone
6 nurse quite aggressive. Tell her that lockbox is going to be fitted outside by SMS. Nurse aggressively asks when. I tell her I have no control over that.
7 ring mum half hour later. Phone engaged. Partner goes to see if it's off hook.
8 partner rings me. Right rumpus going on in front of mum. Nurse had been to neighbours looking for a key !!!!!!!!! She had left by this point
9 there was never a key at neighbours!!!!! That beggared belief
10 two neighbours were in there shouting at partner saying mum shouldn't be there on her own and I should be doing more. I was having palpitations just from what I could hear down phone
11 partner gets them out of house. Mum really upset and confused. Brings her to my house
12 phone rings. Nurse rings again. She'd had phone call to say mum was wandering again. Was shocked when I said she was with me
13 she started saying mum should be somewhere safe .ie nursing home. I said she was safe until she had wound her up
14 she astounded me by saying she was going to call police to get them to break door down. I told her that mum was in no danger there wasn't a fire and when she asked me what she should have done
15 I told her she should have left her. She would have calmed down and found her keys.

I am so angry. I feel she inflamed the situation. Neighbours have helped mum back to her house. I thought that was being neighbourly. It just gave some of them a platform to have a vent.

Doctor and sw are aware mum lives alone and are happy. Mum is happy. I often ask her if she wants to go into a home and she says she definitely does not.
I am just heartily sick of this ' put them in a home brigade' who think they know better than the family and the individual.

 

[Amy]

Oh dear....it must have been awful seeing mum get more and more aggravated...but have to ask, what if there had been a problem and the nurse needed to access the house quickly? What if nurse had walked away and then incident occurred in the house with mum....no doubt people would be asking why she hadn't done more to make sure your mum was safe? Why did the neighbours feel the need to vent? Enquiring of neighbours whether they have a key seems quite a reasonable thing to do....an arrangement a lot of people have. Key safes are a good idea.

You say that the doctor and SW are happy that mum lives alone....but how aware are they of your mum's situation? The nurse and neighbours no doubt have more daily contact.

I don't know what your mum's situation is, I don't know how well she copes. I hear your anger and frustration, and hopefully now you have been able to vent , you will be able to consider the situation from all perspectives.

Amy

 

[Kathphlox]

I understand exactly what you're saying. Some people who are prone to panic and show it are absolutely useless when it come to sorting a problem. They need to be quiet and calm and able to handle the situation in a way that doesn't upset the patients, not throwing their weight about.

We had a district nurse who thought she was some sort of God come to visit Dad, she only came to the house once, I told the head nurse I didn't want her near Dad again.. since then we only had calm nurses with quiet confident voices, they were lovely, they were helpful, they knew how handle the odd situations.

One of the good ones turned up when Dad had just fallen out of bed onto his crash mat. She said she wasn't allowed to use the hoist, but I said 'I did know how' and she could assist me as it does need two people, we smiled at each other and got on with the job, Dad was calm and smiling as we got him back into his bed, no problem, he wasn't hurt.

I'd say your Mum does need to be assessed to see if there are any things that need to be changed, it's too early to start talking about Care Homes when other things might work for a while.

Just my 2 pennarth

 

[JoshuaTree]

I agree with Amy's post.
I too thought Mum was coping well at home, but had a complete shock when the neighbours plucked up the courage to tell me exactly what was going on.

I also had an abrupt call from a district nurse who I thought was just plain rude and I had the 'how dare she say all these things when she's only known Mum for 5 mins' attitude.

Little did i know.

Ofcourse I'm not saying your Mum is the same, just sometimes stressed out nurses and neighbours will probably have a good reason to be so