Obsession as counterpoint to Confusion

[Big Effort]

Hi guys,
I want to run something across you.

Mum is slipping quickly and relentlessly from being somewhat mentally able to inhabiting lalaland. I try to understand the process. The obsessing, the absolute mental inflexibility she sometimes now indulges in (e.g. confabulation or her version of events are correct, it is me who has memory problems!), and the utter loss of a grasp on language, concepts and so on.

Yesterday she was obsessing. Wants this done now. Now. Now. Now. While she can't remember anything for 30 seconds, she remembers perfectly well that she wants X done now. Now. Now. Now. Do it. Fuss. Fuss. Fuss.

When we do whatever she wants, there is no gratitude or relief. She just obsesses on something else.

I notice that Obsession seems to herald further slippage into confusion. Just as Mum was chronically obsessing yesterday, today she is more confused and lost than ever before.

My theory: Could Obsession be a counterpoint to Confusion? Could her grasping on to some need/want/idea be her way of forging a path, finding an anchor (the obsessive thought) in a rising tide of confusion?

If you don't know what a tea bag is for, if you don't know what a newspaper is, perhaps there is genuine comfort in fixating on wanting a plant dug up out of the garden. Dig it up now. Now. Now.

I wonder if Obsession is a mental anchor in a sea of Confusion. Is it? What do you think? Any reactions gratefully received. Thanks. All the best, make the most of today, BE

 

[Pheath]

Hi BE
Sorry this is just a short one as lots to do today but definitely think you could be on to something there. Feel that this getting fixated on something is like clinging on to a bit of driftwood in the midst of a fast flowing torrent, yes a way of anchoring and finding meaning in a world where very little makes sense any more. Also, though perhaps related, a desperate way of exerting a last ditched attempt at control and authority coming from a place of enormous anxiety. I can’t begin to imagine what a frightening world those afflicted with this illness must live in and I think you’re right, this anxiety then gets displaced. I’ve read it’s important to try and recognise/ address the need that is being communicated under the anxiety eg. often for safety and security but it’s not always so easy to do when someone is in the grip of an ‘episode’.
I do hope today isn’t too trying for you and your mum gets back to a calmer place, it’s very hard to endure this type of mental state for very long.
Go well. Px

 

[amicalia]

It does make sense to me, and fits with some of what has happened with my mum.
Sort of related: what surprised me most about dementia was that mum would often be so definite and certain - I had imagined she would be vague and unsure. For example when she stopped being reliably able to read the time on her clocks, she would just make up what time it was, and be completely convinced. I had expected that she would feel she didn't know, be aware of not knowing. There were many similar things where she just seemed to decide on something and believe it totally. I had envisaged this aspect of dementia as confusion and doubt for her, thought that she would be worried about not knowing, but it wasn't like that at all. From her point of view it was us that were wrong about the time, things that had happened, people who had visited, etc. and she often found it funny that we'd 'forgotten' and misread the time, etc.

 

[Big Effort]

Thank you Pheath:

Feel that this getting fixated on something is like clinging on to a bit of driftwood in the midst of a fast flowing torrent, yes a way of anchoring and finding meaning in a world where very little makes sense any more. Also, though perhaps related, a desperate way of exerting a last ditched attempt at control and authority coming from a place of enormous anxiety. I can’t begin to imagine what a frightening world those afflicted with this illness must live in and I think you’re right, this anxiety then gets displaced. I’ve read it’s important to try and recognise/ address the need that is being communicated under the anxiety eg. often for safety and security but it’s not always so easy to do when someone is in the grip of an ‘episode’.

You have expressed it better than I, Pheath. The dementia sufferers who responded to my original question spoke of 'fogginess' and great insecurity in a sea where nothing is constant. Being able to understand/creatively inhabit this fog-space helps me to find compassion when Mum is being at her most demanding, irritating and persistent. I managed not to get upset at all - such a relief for all of us.

You are so right when you say it is a coping mechanism to exert a measure of certainty/control in a world of confusion/fog. I sense this absolutely with Mum. That is why she is so unmovable when she is wrong. It also explains her need to be right at times like this.

Thanks too, Amicalia:

what surprised me most about dementia was that mum would often be so definite and certain - I had imagined she would be vague and unsure. For example when she stopped being reliably able to read the time on her clocks, she would just make up what time it was, and be completely convinced. I had expected that she would feel she didn't know, be aware of not knowing. There were many similar things where she just seemed to decide on something and believe it totally. I had envisaged this aspect of dementia as confusion and doubt for her, thought that she would be worried about not knowing, but it wasn't like that at all. From her point of view it was us that were wrong about the time, things that had happened, people who had visited, etc. and she often found it funny that we'd 'forgotten' and misread the time, etc.

This tallies absolutely with Mum. She would look at a clock saying 10.30 a.m. and tell me with a straight face and absolute certainty that it was 8.00 a.m. or whatever time suited her needs. I couldn't agree more that one would expect uncertainty and doubt, and yet there is none. Just as you say, when there are conflicts in belief-systems, mine is invariably wrong - said with equal certainty and utter conviction. Is this a coping system? I believe so.

Why? Because in other areas she can be very vague, confused and has that dementia blank face I am coming to recognise so well. "What's that?" looking at a teabag. Even if I explain, nothing computes. This behaviour is the flip side of the obsession thing, Confusion means 'Nothing Computes Within Today'. So while she may appear to want to know what a teabag is, or where to put the extra roll of toilet paper, this is behaviour to cover a blank - so is not one bit interested in knowing my answer. I have allowed this disinterest to irritate me in the past - perhaps her questions when confused are not a sign of interest, but a masking behaviour.

Thank you both for sharing your experiences. It helps consolidate my theory.
Anyone else have views/experiences linked to Cognitive Errors + Sense of Certainty or Confusion + Obsession as flip sides of the same problem?

 

[amicalia]

So while she may appear to want to know what a teabag is, or where to put the extra roll of toilet paper, this is behaviour to cover a blank - so is not one bit interested in knowing my answer. I have allowed this disinterest to irritate me in the past - perhaps her questions when confused are not a sign of interest, but a masking behaviour.

Ah, click! Of course. I hadn't fully got that, but that's the case with my mum, she will ask a question and not even acknowledge the answer, which I have really struggled with at times. Can handle that a lot better if I understand that it was never really a question requiring an answer in the first place.

 

[Isabella41]

Gosh big effort this makes perfect sense to me to. Mum's sw has often called her an enigma. She can't manage her money, isn't allowed to cook for herself, gets time all mixed up.. the list goes on yet when she gets an idea in her head its as if that subject becomes totally elevated over everything else and she totally fixates on it. Al details relating to it are so rigid and dare anyone offer an alternative view point.

I've lost count of the number of times she's accused me of making up stories/telling lies/getting it all wrong.

When she wants it she wants it now. This can be pretty interesting when I take her out for a bite to eat. The waitress will have barely make it to the kitchen with our order when mum will be shouting "what's keeping them so long".

Isabella

 

[Amy]

Hiya BigE,

As far as I know I don't have dementia yet, but I do know that when life is out of control I move furniture....have done it for years!!! My sons think I am mad, but it is my way of trying to get order. Rather than argue they go along with me, as they know that it is easier to move the furniture (and usually then replace it to where it started) than have me nagging or crying I think maybe your mum is doing a similar thing.

Amyx

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hiya BE - I'm like Amy. When I get upset, I start cleaning round, tidying, sorting, wiping surfaces. I suppose it's another form of obsession and masking what I'm really upset about. So yes, I think you could be onto something with your idea.