Dads missing money

[Nannybus]

I know for a fact that nobody stole my mother's money, as in the early days I used to be able to find it hidden in the most unlikely places. The money would disappear between me leaving her at 4 p.m. one day and the next day she would be on the phone at 6 a.m. shouting that she did not have any money. As I lived some 100 miles away, I used to direct her to the cash I had put by in envelopes to pay the gardener and hairdresser. She used to help herself to that and then telephone me a couple of hours later to say that it had disappeared. This went on for a couple of years - very draining.

We have never found any of it and as I used to leave her with quite a lot money in the early days, a great deal eventually went missing.

Later on, when she had carers, money was still disappearing, but I would never dream of accusing them. I had cut down the amount left for her disposal by then.

The postman said she used to post non-postal items in the pillar box at the end of her road, but he didn't say if it included money.

Even when the house was eventually cleared and sold, no cash was ever found.

 

[jaymor]

My husband used to put things in the most perculiar places and no doubt I will co tinue to find things that I have not realised are missing. Our CPN told me when I first mentioned this to her, don't leave anything of value about as dementia patients are obsessed by hiding things. My car keys were always zipped into a pocket in my handbag and my bag was always behind my chair. Today when we visited my husband at the assessment centre he picked up my car keys from the unit and asked whose they were. Our son said they are Mom's and without me seeing he put them in his pocket. Our son saw him do it so at least we knew where they were. I have found things in the freezer, on top of the central heating boiler and bread and tins of soup in the garage. The loss of money must be very worrying and I hope it has been miss placed and not stolen.
Jay

 

[NeverGiveUp]

If you use a camera put some sort of indicator on it to see if it has been tampered with. We had 'something' happen last year which was associated with'something', our entire house was searched when we were out. I don't want to say too much on this open forum but it looks like at somepoint someone suspected that there might be cameras, we have ideas, books were moved, backs taken off mirrors, police told me that these were usual places to hide cameras. The loft has a lot of thin wires which someone at some point seems to have been trying to trace the source.

Your case is different but IF someone is being naughty (lets use that word not one that we would really like to use) then they may be as suspicious as those we had I would guess they have certain skills. Any camera, dummy or not, could have a little something put on it which would indicate disturbance.

Good luck, hopefully you are over suspicious. Several relatives have had 'happenings' which were discounted as old age but later evidence that they may have been right.

 

[FifiMo]

It is so difficult to try and prove something like this and I too have been to the police because of large sums of my mother's money having gone missing. Two things you need to get your hands on - the bank statements (which you should have as power of attorney) and the sheets that the carers sign when they visit. Police will want to see if there is an established pattern. Did things start happening when a certain carer started working there, that kind of thing.

Now, just so everyone can be aware and vigilient, there is a scam that can be done very easily to people with dementia and here is how it works. My mother, for example, was a smoker. Each week she'd buy ciggies when friends took her to the supermarket. But, one of the carers who happened to someone i knew, told me that there must be thousands of ciggies in the house because the carers were being asked to buy like 100 every day, because there were never any in the house. The police have suggested that what can happen is that the carer can remove the ciggies, mother sends them off for more because she can't find any in the house, they pocket the money and give her back her own cigarettes over and over again! We searched high and low like you did and never found the missing money nor the ciggies and yes, we are pragmatic about what can happen when someone has dementia, but also get cynical when logic about what is happening just doesn't fit. Of course, doesn't have to be ciggies, can be anything that is used to scam them, groceries or whatever. The scam is particularly bad because it takes advantage of the fact the person cannot remember anything that is happening!

Another thing that you could do is ask the police about marking the money for a while, or recording the numbers on the bank notes. They might be more comfortable with something like that than using cameras, who knows.

Fiona

 

[sistermillicent]

Could you try giving him the money in coins, I know it would mean a lot of them but they are less easy to steal and they are less easy to hide, mum seemed to understand coins being "money" better than notes. she used to throw things on the fire which definitely shouldn't be on a fire, while seeming quite lucid.
Go ahead with investigations though, if you have that instinctive feeling you will not be satisfied until you have done so.

 

[Krissie]

Last night I got a call from the police asking what I intended to do. I said I wasn't too happy about uniformed officers going into their flat in case the wardens or others felt we suspected them. I also said I doubted we could prove anything, but she suggested I come into the police station on my own first and that's what I'm going to do. I'm quite surprised she got back to me, as I'd not really reported anything formally yesterday. Because I live so far away and we have no other relatives near, I don't want the home carers etc to treat them any differently because of this. I mentioned cameras and she said I could get info on this from the CAB.
Meanwhile Dad keeps ranting over the phone about having no money and not putting Mum on, so I'm hoping to calm things down when I go up tomorrow.
Thank you for your responses - it's interesting to read others experiences and to know others have been through this. Will let you know how it goes.

 

[grove]

Hello Krissie

Hello Krissie , Sorry not able to help you but just wanted to send my support & hope all goes well when you talk to the Police & you have a positive outcome & good luck with your Dad ( & Mum ) today . Sorry this is a bit late ( only read this yesterday & sorry to read about the money going missing ) Its good the Police contacted you again & they want to help

Love Grove x x

 

[witchpig]

Have you tried giving your dad some toy money? If he feels safer with money in his pocket give that a go. Also that way if somebody is taking money they wont be able to spend it. Does your dad actualy go out and but things from the shops? If he does contact the shops and tell them that if they are given toy money from your dad you will settle the bill when you next visit. We tried this with a neighbour and it seemed to work.