Hi everyone, I’m new here. I finally decided to read up on Alzheimer’s today. My dad was diagnosed about 3 years ago, maybe more, to be honest I’m not even sure anymore lol. Time has been going so fast for us that the days turn into weeks into months into years. My dad was 65 this year, he got it quite young. He lives with my mum who has primary progressive mutipleschlorosis. (MS)
My brother and I knew dad had some form of dementia because of his symptoms, so when he was officially diagnosed it was no great shock. Mum had been poorly with MS for some time and we were all trying to adjust and give her support to stay at home. Between us my brother & I went to appointments and I helped them shop every week, and as mum became less able to walk without help we took on more and more. Then dad started to get worse. He started to get angry at mum for using her wheelchair while out. He would ask why she felt she needed to use it when she can in fact walk. ( which she can, in the home )
Then dad started to get way more forgetful than before. I mean, seriously forgetful. He would say the same thing over and over again, sometimes forgetting what he was trying to say. Then he’d get tears in his eyes and I would go outside and smoke. He managed to get out a couple of times and got lost and my brother had to drive round and find him. The whole time my brother and I would laugh about it all, I’d laugh with dad, with mum, with my now 16 year old daughter, my husband and my colleagues at work. After a couple of unfortunate incidents with mum that involved the paramedics I went round when they called me at 7am one morning and the paramedics said they were referring them to social care. I felt quietly relieved.
Unfortunately mum and dad were so upset about the idea that carers would be going in they told social care they are fine. I backed them up and said we were managing. My brother backed them up too. Then we all kept laughing for a while things got steadily worse.
My dads CPN did a visit the other week and I sat through the visit agreeing everything was fine. She did that test where they ask dad to repeat words and what date it is etc, and dad didn’t answer anything , he just kept saying “ probably not “. The CPN gave me her number and told me to call if I needed anything.
Dad has started to have toilet accidents now. He refuses to take a shower and he has cuts on his arms and legs and when I ask him how they happen he says he doesn’t know. Then I catch him picking the scabs off the cuts so they aren’t healing up. He puts his clothes on inside out and the wrong clothes in the wrong places. He can’t do a button or a zip up. Mum has stopped encouraging him to do what’s necessary, he refuses and sometimes shouts at her. He can’t shave anymore so I got him an electric razor, a really good one, but he can’t use it. I have to shave him.
My brother & I agreed that things are now at that point where we need help. I’ll be requesting a care assessment once the bank holiday is over. If we can get a carer just to get him showered and dressed in the morning they can stay at home in their bungalow. It’s already had adaptations to make it safe for mum. They can afford the care, it’s just a matter of accepting it for them.
I know it’s the right thing to do, but I hate doing it. I feel so guilty. I hate the idea of dad being made to get a shower and it making him upset. I’ve had a total meltdown this past few days, been crying a lot and I feel like my heart is actually breaking. I just want my dad back.
Anyway, sorry for rambling on, thanks for reading.
My brother and I knew dad had some form of dementia because of his symptoms, so when he was officially diagnosed it was no great shock. Mum had been poorly with MS for some time and we were all trying to adjust and give her support to stay at home. Between us my brother & I went to appointments and I helped them shop every week, and as mum became less able to walk without help we took on more and more. Then dad started to get worse. He started to get angry at mum for using her wheelchair while out. He would ask why she felt she needed to use it when she can in fact walk. ( which she can, in the home )
Then dad started to get way more forgetful than before. I mean, seriously forgetful. He would say the same thing over and over again, sometimes forgetting what he was trying to say. Then he’d get tears in his eyes and I would go outside and smoke. He managed to get out a couple of times and got lost and my brother had to drive round and find him. The whole time my brother and I would laugh about it all, I’d laugh with dad, with mum, with my now 16 year old daughter, my husband and my colleagues at work. After a couple of unfortunate incidents with mum that involved the paramedics I went round when they called me at 7am one morning and the paramedics said they were referring them to social care. I felt quietly relieved.
Unfortunately mum and dad were so upset about the idea that carers would be going in they told social care they are fine. I backed them up and said we were managing. My brother backed them up too. Then we all kept laughing for a while things got steadily worse.
My dads CPN did a visit the other week and I sat through the visit agreeing everything was fine. She did that test where they ask dad to repeat words and what date it is etc, and dad didn’t answer anything , he just kept saying “ probably not “. The CPN gave me her number and told me to call if I needed anything.
Dad has started to have toilet accidents now. He refuses to take a shower and he has cuts on his arms and legs and when I ask him how they happen he says he doesn’t know. Then I catch him picking the scabs off the cuts so they aren’t healing up. He puts his clothes on inside out and the wrong clothes in the wrong places. He can’t do a button or a zip up. Mum has stopped encouraging him to do what’s necessary, he refuses and sometimes shouts at her. He can’t shave anymore so I got him an electric razor, a really good one, but he can’t use it. I have to shave him.
My brother & I agreed that things are now at that point where we need help. I’ll be requesting a care assessment once the bank holiday is over. If we can get a carer just to get him showered and dressed in the morning they can stay at home in their bungalow. It’s already had adaptations to make it safe for mum. They can afford the care, it’s just a matter of accepting it for them.
I know it’s the right thing to do, but I hate doing it. I feel so guilty. I hate the idea of dad being made to get a shower and it making him upset. I’ve had a total meltdown this past few days, been crying a lot and I feel like my heart is actually breaking. I just want my dad back.
Anyway, sorry for rambling on, thanks for reading.
)
