Feeling pretty down

[lady g]

Hi all, feeling really down at the mo ent. Crying nearly everyday from when i get up to going to bed. I am being really snappy with family members. I am mums main carer along with looking after dad who is nearly 80. We struggle through each day best we can because we dont feel ready for outside help. Just wondered if anyone can make me smile today for a change, thanks xxx

 

[Sharon Waugh]

Hi

Sorry you are feeling down. I get like that too.

Sharon
X

 

[uselessdaughter]

We struggle through each day best we can because we dont feel ready for outside help. QUOTE]

Hi

Sorry you are feeling so down. I am afraid I can't think of any jokes but wondered if you really do need to start thinking about getting some outside help. It does sound as if you cannot go on like this.

 

[lady g]

Thanks for replying, really nice to know we are all together in this sad situation. love to you all . As we say tomorrow is another day, hopefully a better one. love and hugs xxxx

 

[sussexsue]

When I got to this point, everyone on here said I needed outside help. I ignored them and things got worse. Truth was that they were right and I was wrong, but I was just so bogged down with caring that I couldnt see it.

At the time I didnt need help with the physical care of my mum, just time aware from her. By time I dont mean the odd few hours here and there, I actually needed days when I wasnt surrounded by her the whole time and my whole purpose in life was to meet her needs.

We went for respite and it ended up being permanent, although that wasnt the original plan.

Tomorrow I say my final goodbye to my mum, but am so pleased that her last few months were spent with other people caring for her and I could just spend loving time with her with my head in a much better place.

Take care

Sue xx

 

[JackMac]

just had to respond to your post.

I get like this probably at least once a month. I have days where I can hardly dare speak to anyone because the tears just start streaming!
It's happened so many times in the last year. I realised this recently and reminded myself that I always come out the other end and am ok again...........hopefully you will feel better soon too.
At the end of the day, living with a family member with dementia is a bereavement. I am constantly grieving for my mum.

Are you sure you are not ready for some help? No shame in asking for help. When you are, come back and ask what to do and we will give you some advice.

My dad took a while to ask for help and now he's at breaking point....and asking for it. Try not to let it get to that stage.

sending you a big ((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))

jackmac

Sussexsue...I'm so sorry for your loss. I had not been on here much the last few weeks and hadn't seen your post in April. I just had a look. You have been a big support and I have often been helped by your words of advice. I'm sorry I'm so late saying all of this....I need to come on here more often. I hope you're okay. xx

 

[Nessa456]

When myself and my partner had to care for my father who has dementia and was 76 at the time, in my parents' house I found it a terrible strain and didn't cope well with it. I found it very oppressive and depressing. We cared for him for about 4 months before my brother and the rest of the family decided he should go into a care home as they didn't think we were coping. I felt bad about this and got social services involved to ensure that my Dad himself made the choice as to whether he went in the home. He said he preferred to stay in the home but this contradicted him asking how he could get out of there when we visited. He's settled in there now and while it's not nice at all for anyone to be in a care home, it was probably the right decision as I didn't have the patience to cope with caring for him long term.

You have to think of your own health - crying every day is a sign of depression and it will mean you aren't in the best position to give your parents the care they need.

You could look into getting an outside care agency to come in and provide care at home for your parents or possibly look at moving one of your parents to a care home because they will be in a very vulnerable position if you become too ill to care for them. You could also look into either one or both of your parents attending a day centre during the day to give you a break.

 

[Nix]

Hi,
so sorry that life is like this at the moment. I am going through a tearful phase too so you are never alone. I don't think this weather helps either.....

Anyway, see if this makes you smile;

my Dad stayed with us a couple of weeks ago. He got up really early one morning (5am) whilst me and OH were still asleep and decided to have a shave. He couldn't find or didn't even look for the shaving foam and used toothpaste
When I got up he was in his bedroom and fully dressed listening to the radio. I could see he'd shaved and asked if he'd found the shaving foam ok, he said he'd used his shaving brush and soap stick. The alarm bells rang straight away as he hasn't used these for at least 3 years. I went into the bathroom to find a whole pump dispenser of toothpaste gone Went back into the bedroom and smelt his cheek and sure enough.......mintyfresh

 

[Dazmum]

I'm so sorry you feel this way, it must be so draining for you. Like everyone else, I think it sounds as though you could really do with some outside help now, just to take the pressure from you, so you don't all have to struggle. I bet if someone else came on and said this, that's what you would advise too. You only need to have a little help if that's all you want at this stage, just find out what's available, it's not a sign of giving up on your mum and dad or caring any less. Take care and hugs xxx

 

[lady g]

Really big thanks to everyone its made me realise you all know how it is. Lots of hugs and love to you all xxxx

 

[tre]

I too felt I was not at the stage of needing outside help. My two main reasons for this were that I felt my husband who has AD would not like it and it therefore would feel like I was letting him down, and that I was scared stiff regarding the costs as we would be self funding as he has an ISA which exceeds the limit.
We then hit a crisis when he had a downturn and as I am his sole carer with no family back up I had to ask for help. He now goes to the Day Centre for two sessions per week of five hours each and I have a sitter for two hours at home on another day. This helps enormously and he has accepted it. I do still have worries about the costs but I am trying to address these but the situation is complex so I am having to get legal help. Crossroads have offered 72 hours sitting free of charge but I am waiting to be allocated a sitter.
I still have times when I am very stressed and can be snappy or weepy but I would suggest you look into getting some help. If you do not like what is offered or it does not work for you then you do not have to accept it but you might be lucky.
with all good wishes,
Tre

 

[frazzled1]

hi there,

Sorry, dont know how to make you smile today as i wasnt smiling much myself due to all the rain and G, who i care for, wasnt feeling well today. Would it help you if i said that the best way to get rid of a bad day would be to go to bed early? Probably not....

I do something some people may find a little odd to brighten up an otherwise droll week.....I invite around the house friends with their new babies, the babies usually do something funny which makes G laugh despite his dementia and anyway, babies and toddlers are very accepting of mental illness. We have some nice chats and smiles then they go home with their babies again. They help me with G in the school holidays and lift his spirits so he doesnt feel isolated or socially forgotten, and when possible, i have childminded for them when they have wanted to do freelance paid work. Could you set up a sort of skills bank with a friend in a similar situation to yourself whereby you help eachother in some way....even if they cant take you out of your situation (and my friends cannot do this for me) they can at least "distract" you from the worst of it ? In the commercial world, there are Agencies which I found out about, where you can book someone to come in to help you for as little as an hour a week. Even if all that person ends up being booked in for is to have a cup of tea and a chat with you...sanity is priceless