I've been with Dad this afternoon - me on the computer and him dozing. He was drifting in and out of sleep, muttering. He does that increasingly and was doing it before his dementia diagnosis, just not so much. I don't think it's the dementia, I think it's the tiredness of old age. I really hope that he dies quietly, maybe a heart attack in his sleep, before the dementia gets too bad.
Easier ending?
- Thread starter Petrina
- Start date
Petrine, my mum and I have been saying the very same thing of late, a nice gentle slippage away is what our loved ones deserve, here's hoping xxxxx
Mum is so verbally agressive and has no insight so I hope that something else takes her in her sleep before I have to have an outright fight on my hands. Her dementia will not be beaten by anyone, it has a will of iron. I really don't want Mum to have the end of life that I see others in the NH have had to face.
That probably makes me a bad daughter but I don't want her to suffer.
That probably makes me a bad daughter but I don't want her to suffer.
I don't think it makes any of us bad daughters/sons to want our parents to go peacefully before their dementia gets bad. Dementia can be very cruel.
I was saying much the same thing to my husband to today when we visited MIL in the NH. I feel terrible saying it, but it's true.
Let's hope that she gets 'taken' before this bloody awful disease takes even more of a hold. To hear the cries of distress of another patient today was horrendous. Anyone who is spared that torment and pain is lucky...............
Let's hope that she gets 'taken' before this bloody awful disease takes even more of a hold. To hear the cries of distress of another patient today was horrendous. Anyone who is spared that torment and pain is lucky...............
When Mother (94, Aricept 10 yrs, 21-23 on MMSE) heard that her twin sister had died suddenly, she said "Wasn't K. lucky, she'd have hated to be an invalid". So even though, I think, she doesn't know about the horrible future possibilities of Alzheimer's, she's all in favour of a rapid exit (she found my father dead on the floor one morning, and is very positive about that too: "He'd have hated to be an invalid".)
She's actually the only person involved who doesn't know that her sister took her own life: left a note saying that: she'd lived long enough, her shakiness from Parkinsons wasn't going to get any better, mobility was getting more of a problem, and she hated the idea of ever having to leave her own little house (lived alone, spinster) and perhaps be in a home for years. A very well-organised lady who kept in control of her own life right to the end (and had no signs of any dementia). (It was a pity that the Coroner's Office aand the Police, between them, then managed to sit on all the paperwork my aunt had carefully set out for us, like the list of who to notify, until after the funeral... but, thank heavens, no serious harm done and all the people she named were there at the funeral.)
I'm hoping that Mother is as lucky as Father, to go out like a light while still living an active life. Well, no, she's already nothing like as active as he was, but at least she's physically quite healthy and still getting pleasure from a lot of things. But something swift, so she never has to go into hospital, please. Pam
She's actually the only person involved who doesn't know that her sister took her own life: left a note saying that: she'd lived long enough, her shakiness from Parkinsons wasn't going to get any better, mobility was getting more of a problem, and she hated the idea of ever having to leave her own little house (lived alone, spinster) and perhaps be in a home for years. A very well-organised lady who kept in control of her own life right to the end (and had no signs of any dementia). (It was a pity that the Coroner's Office aand the Police, between them, then managed to sit on all the paperwork my aunt had carefully set out for us, like the list of who to notify, until after the funeral... but, thank heavens, no serious harm done and all the people she named were there at the funeral.)
I'm hoping that Mother is as lucky as Father, to go out like a light while still living an active life. Well, no, she's already nothing like as active as he was, but at least she's physically quite healthy and still getting pleasure from a lot of things. But something swift, so she never has to go into hospital, please. Pam
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I long for a peaceful ending for Mum in the not too distant future. Not one day passes without Mum telling me she would rather be dead than living with Dementia.
There is no place, other than TP, where we can be so open about how we feel.
I have such fear that at the time of Mums' passing, assuming she goes before me!!!!, I will be eaten up with guilt for having these thoughts and yet I wouldn't keep a beloved pet alive beyond the time it could no longer enjoy life.
Ah well, what will be will be.
Hazel
There is no place, other than TP, where we can be so open about how we feel.
I have such fear that at the time of Mums' passing, assuming she goes before me!!!!, I will be eaten up with guilt for having these thoughts and yet I wouldn't keep a beloved pet alive beyond the time it could no longer enjoy life.
Ah well, what will be will be.
Hazel
Nan had dementia but was very peaceful at the end. She went into a CH and thought she was 'home' after years of trying to get back there, no recognising the house she had lived in for 30 yrs.
We now have Mum with mild AZ and dementia who is still just at the 'repetitive on the brain' stage. She worries so much that she'll end up like her Mum and so do I. Already she isn't 'my Mum' and it is so hard. I would prefer her to go sooner rather than later (can't believe I even think that).
I miss her so much already!!
Fi xx
We now have Mum with mild AZ and dementia who is still just at the 'repetitive on the brain' stage. She worries so much that she'll end up like her Mum and so do I. Already she isn't 'my Mum' and it is so hard. I would prefer her to go sooner rather than later (can't believe I even think that).
I miss her so much already!!
Fi xx
We wondered whathad happened to a family friend of long acquaintance - no calls or letters, etc. We had a Christmas card from her family saying that she was now in a nursing home because of vascular dementia. This must have been very sudden and agressive, as she was able to converse quite well on the phone about a year ago although she was rather rambling (but always had been).
This week her daughter phoned to say she had suddenly died in her sleep.
We look upon this as a blessed release.
This week her daughter phoned to say she had suddenly died in her sleep.
We look upon this as a blessed release.
When Mum was first diagnosed and I told a couple of friends about it, I said even then that I hoped the dementia would progress slowly enough so that something else could take her as quickly, peacefully and painlessly as possible, preferably in her sleep, having seen what Alzheimer's did to her father.
I've just received a Christmas card from Mum via the home - what they do is design an individual Christmas card on the computer, featuring photos of the relative. There are four photos of Mum onthe card, and in each one she has a big smile on her face, including the one where her face is half-covered in some sort of red stuff, which I'm guessing is a result of one of their little baking sessions.
The thing is, that picture makes me quite sad, because Mum would never have done that without the dementia.
Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on that particular tangent, just needed to get it off my chest.
I've just received a Christmas card from Mum via the home - what they do is design an individual Christmas card on the computer, featuring photos of the relative. There are four photos of Mum onthe card, and in each one she has a big smile on her face, including the one where her face is half-covered in some sort of red stuff, which I'm guessing is a result of one of their little baking sessions.
The thing is, that picture makes me quite sad, because Mum would never have done that without the dementia.
Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on that particular tangent, just needed to get it off my chest.
