New and finding things difficult

[*Stephie*]

I am new here and I joined because my aunty (who was like a second mother to me for much of the time when I was growing up) has Alzheimers... My family deals with emotional stuff by shoving it down and pretending it doesn't exist but for me that does more harm than good, so I joined here.

At the moment my aunty is still just about able to manage at home but only because she has a lot of help from us... apart from her son who lives at home and commutes to a nearby city for university we are the nearest relatives. She comes round to our house pretty much every day at some point, frequently more than once, usually because she's either confused or lonely or both.

Right now it looks like she is coming close to the point where she will no longer be able to manage in her own home even with our help and as none of us will be able to care for her full time she will have to go into a care home. I am having a hard time with mixed feelings about this. While I am able to be patient while my aunty is around, in general I am angry and my depression (diagnosed in 2008 and previously improved a whole lot) is now creeping back in.

I am hoping that by posting on here I will be able to gain support from people who understand what I am going through, and I hope that I will be able to give some support and understanding to others as well.

 

[Sue J]

Welcome

Hello Stephie

Welcome, sorry your facing difficulties resulting from your Aunty's Alzheimer's disease.

It's understandable that you have mixed feelings but you will get support here as you try and do what is best for your Aunty.

Try and make some space for yourself, you need caring for too.

Best wishes
Sue J

 

[Helen33]

Dear Stephie,

I am so glad that you have found Talking Point and I hope that it proves to be very supportive as you travel this journey.

I am sorry that you feel that the depression is creeping back in and I wonder whether you might also benefit from some local support. Have you thought about contacting your local branch of the Alzheimers Society and seeing what they have to offer? I found our branch enormously helpful.

I will look forward to seeing you around the site and virtually getting to know you and your auntie.

Love

 

[Christin]

Hello Stephie, welcome to Talking Point from me too. I hope you find lots of support and help on TP.

Best wishes to you and your family. x

 

[mcgradie]

Hi Stephie

My feelings are on a constant yoyo between patient/coping and angry/resentful so I do understand.

My sister and I are my mum's only carers. She still lives alone and is coping really well. Her last memory assessment was actually an improvement on the score she got on diagnosis! but over the last year since she was diagnosed she has come to rely heavily (unwittingly) on us and we do manage her life. If we didn't have four young children - mine 2 and 4 and feisty as they come, my sister's are 4 and 10 - it would be so much easier.

We are looking at years of having her over every weekend and then more time spent with her creeping into our weekly lives. I pick her up every Friday, a 120 mile round trip with my 2 year old, and have her every other weekend for 3 nights. Listening to the same conversations, trying to keep her happy (like another child), inbetween managing her finances with my sister and trying to change her bedsheets.

Sorry! A rant crept in there

So yes - other days I feel very sad for her. But the main thing is we are doing what we can, as are you - and good on you for that. I guess you could go and look at some care homes on her behalf - we have been doing this for the long term - there's quite a scale of good and tolerable.

Good luck and use this forus like I do, for a rant when I've had enough!

You sound like you're doing your best to care for your lovely auntie and I'm sure she really appreciates it and your caring company.

All the best
Sadie

 

[Jasper3]

Hi Stephie

This illness is horrible, it will have you up and down like a YoYo .... But !!! you can share every good or bad moment on here,
you can shed a tear at some stories or have a laugh with others.

one thing I would sugest ..if your aunt would want too , is get LPOA ..then you can call the shots to a point..

I have found this has helped me no end in sorting mums financial matters out

good luck..your not alone

 

[piedwarbler]

I'm in the same part of the country Stephie and the support from the society is good if you do feel like contacting them. Take care xx

 

[Tolkny]

I am new here and I joined because my aunty (who was like a second mother to me for much of the time when I was growing up) has Alzheimers... My family deals with emotional stuff by shoving it down and pretending it doesn't exist but for me that does more harm than good, so I joined here.

My mother in law has dementia, she continues to live at home with a lot of support and respite breaks - (for us!)

Important steps were, learning about the condition and dementia friendly activities. That came from the local branch of Alzheimer Society - before I realised about Talking Point.

Lasting Power of Attorney, so we have authority to handle her financial affairs - we got the power of attorney thing done with our own solicitor before she lost control, the solicitor was satisfied that she knew she was giving us control of her affairs and signed his bit. Later when she lost awareness we had to get it registered, we did that ourselves.

The next most important thing was the Community Care Assessment from the Social Services Department, for her and us as Carers - I reckon we should have done that and everything else sooner.

The most important thing is asking for help, it is not a smooth road. Well done for posting.

There is much help here particularly with The Fact Sheets and communications advice.

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheets

http://www.agelessdesign.com/Library/InfoManage/Zoom.asp?InfoID=296&RedirectPath=Add1&FolderID=104%20&SessionID={2448BF32-FE4D-47B2-8A7A-CEC16D2E47CE}&InfoGroup=Main&InfoType=Article&SP=2