Support / Help required please

[LauraJ]

Dear (?)

I am 42 single mum of 2 with my father (80) living 3 months with me in the UK & 3 months in the US with his girlfriend who is 15 yrs younger, there is no love lost between us as she set out here stall in the beginning saying she wanted to be with my father for financial support!

My situation is unique in that I noticed he was not 100% 3 years ago I have had dad tested privately & NHS he has a mild cognitive impairment (MCI) here in England they do not medicate in Scotland they do & also in the USA. So he has not formally been diagnosed with Alzheimer's even though over the last 3 years he has declined. However he is medicated in the US from his girlfriends Dr with sample packs of Aricept he has been on a steady dose of 10mg for a while, during his last visit he came back dosed with 23mg over twice the dose. He was jittery and hyper so I took him to the Dr and he was advised to go back to 10mg so the GP with his consultant wrote a prescription for 10mg for him, I was then advised that the GP should not have done that. His girlfriend's US GP thru her says he will only give 23mg now not 10mg & my father is having a go at me saying I'm not acting in his best interests (please note he is not calm or reasonable just ranting!) My kids get scared at night when he starts shouting on his phone in his room to the girlfriend. I had a long conversation with his Dr just last night who cannot help I'm waiting for the consultant to come to do a capacity test. He has an eye op this Tuesday. The girlfriend wants him to re write his will this is just a snap shot I'm trying to survive I'm exhausted and relish those quiet moments.

Dad if you met him as he is bright can converse and tell you stories recite poetry even in Latin! however he could not tell you what he had for breakfast and seems to live in a dual life between here & the US believing totally in the moment what he is saying & deciding. Sorry if this is disjointed but I did not know where to start...... I told his consultant a section of one particularly day & she said oh that is hard for you. My kids are really cool and do so well in the circumstances I'm SO proud of them. We LOVE dad so much and want he to have an active healthy life. I would never do anything to hinder my dad's health but I'm being tested by the UK medical service & the US Dr. I've even written to my MP!

 

[LauraJ]

Gutted

Sorry, I thought this was a place to find support & help but it seems my situation does not count! not 1 view but my own & only my own reply. Well that just sums up my life I can only rely on me!

 

[Christin]

Hello Laura, this is a very difficult situation for you. I am sorry I can't offer any advice other than I suggest you phone the AS helpline on Monday. I hope someone there will have the experience and knowledge to help you.

Best wishes to you.

 

[LauraJ]

Thank you x

I was feeling lost here I must say x I only joined this evening.... It makes me SO sad that there is no formal lines all these people need so much help & support. My hreat goes out to each person - x

 

[Christin]

Hello Laura, please be patient, more people will come along over the weekend I am sure, but not everyone is on line at any one time. We are all here to try to offer some support to each other in very difficult and trying times. My very best wishes to you.

 

[timthumb]

you will find support on here i have and is really life changing..keep posting , searching threads and just take your time you are so defo not on your own

tim x

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello.
I think many members will find it hard to answer through lack of experience in a case like yours.

Is there any chance you can get the UK Consultant to confer with the American one and maybe come to some decision together about the correct medication? I have never heard of a dose of 23 mg of Aricept.

Christin is right the Helpline may be able to help you - their number is 0845 300 0336.

To comment about your Father's girlfriend is difficult; if she only wants his money then maybe you should be seeking his agreement of a LPA - a solicitor will best advise you on that maybe at the same discussing his Will.

Best wishes

 

[lin1]

Hello Laura
A warm welcome from me.
Im afraid I am another who cant offer you much advice in what I know are extremely difficult circumstances for you .

Im wondering if you have LPA ( lasting power of attorney) their are two types financial and health and welfare ,these can only be done whilst the donor had capacity to understand and agree , then later registered as capacity goes ,

I do wish I could be of more help , and I do hope that people with more knowledge of your very difficult an complex situation will be along soon

It must feel as tho your banging your head on a brick wall xxx

 

[Purrdy]

Hi there, Please don't loose heart with this site, everyone on here are here to try and help and support one another. I have found losts of comfort reading some of the threads.
Perhaps if the UK GP prescribe the Aricept including enough for the 3 months your dad is in the US there would be no need for his girlfriend to take him to a consultant over there. Has the doctors said it is wise for your dad to fly back and forth?

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Sorry, I thought this was a place to find support & help but it seems my situation does not count! not 1 view but my own & only my own reply. Well that just sums up my life I can only rely on me!

Hello Laura, I'm sorry you think that your situation does not count. All the people who contribute to Talking Point at weekends (and predominantly through the week too) are acting in effect as 'volunteers' on this site and have no particular duty to any individual posting on the site, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

They will try and contribute as best they can when they see a situation which they think may be something akin to their own experience or knowledge.

The professional AS helpline is available during weekdays and it might be a good idea to contact them first thing on Monday morning. The link to the helpline is at the top of the page, or click here http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200365
The number is 0845 300 0336

Your situation is prettty unusual and I too am struggling to find ways to help you right now, but it does occur to me that if your father is still deemed to have mental capacity, I am not sure what can be done to influence his decisions. This is a link to information on the Mental Capacity Act which may be helpful

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=354

 

[scared daughter]

Hi Laura

I wish I could offer you some advice, but you do seem to have recived some. I really hope it helps, there are so many folk on here all with differnt experiences and all with advice of viewpoints to give. I hope you can make progress with this, sending you a very warm welcome - sometimes it takes a wee while to hear but when you di it is usually a real gem xxx

 

[cragmaid]

Laura, hello. You are welcome here and I'm sorry if you thought you would get an immediate answer but TP does not work that way. A few of us can be online all the time, but most of us are just like you..hoping to grab a bit of normal family time in between the caring. Does your Dad retain his British Citizenship and is he registered with an NHS GP here in the UK.( The reason I ask is that he may possibly not be eligible for certain treatments if he is only here on a visa). If that is the case, then I would ask the GP for a full testing for your Dad, preferably backing it up with a diary of recent events and changes in Dad's demeanour, since the situation has altered in three years. You could always suggest to Dad that GP's like to do a patient MOT every now and then. That way he may get a proper diagnosis and be perhaps able to start on a formal drug regime. There is little you can do to counteract the effect that his Girlfriend is having and since as yet, he is deemed to have capacity, legally he has the right to refuse to take advice.
Keep us posted, Maureen.

 

[LauraJ]

A Huge Thank you

Thank you ALL I was feeling really LOW this evening.....