What would you do?

[summertime]

Hi,

While visiting an elderly uncle in a local nursing home I witnessed a 'conversation' between a young careworker and an elderly lady (in her 90's) who wanted to go up to her room. It was that time of the evening (around 6.30pm)when many of the residents seem to be taken off to bed. This elderly lady kept asking to go to her room and was impatient to wait 'her turn' when the careworker suddenly raised her voice and told her off saying 'we have this conversation everynight X and I've told you we do the downstairs and the girls from the upstairs will come and get you asap'...and words to this effect. This was done in front of visitors and I was quite taken aback at the tone of this careworker. This clearly upset the old lady who continued to argue with her for a while getting more agitated and saying 'this is the waiting house', 'I call this the waiting house' 'they've always something else to do' .

I can't get it out of my head. I was so close to saying to the careworker to 'back off' but didn't because of my old uncle (who hasn't dementia) but I'm sitting here thinking I should speak to social services about her. The more I think about this careworker's attitude the more annoyed I get. Clearly she has no understaning of dementia and doesn't seem to realise that repeating oneself is part of the illness. Instead of reassuring the old lady she spoke to her in a way that you wouldn't speak to anybody.

I want to speak to social services about this person (and identify myself as I was a witness to this) yet it will make things so awkward when I next visit my uncle.

What would you do? - I can't get it out of my head. If this careworker is speaking to a resident in this manner in front of visitors, what must it be like when there are no visitors there?

 

[Care Bear]

Hi Summertime, as someone who has complained to a care home my advice would be to talk to the manager and tell them your concerns. To me it's 'telling someone off' in front of visitors is not appropriate.

I had cause to complain about treatment of my aunt and I found that when I went to the manager they were very helpful.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Amy

 

[jackie place]

What would you do

Hi Summertime

I agree go and talk to the Manager first they might be able to pick this is the bud before it gets out of hand Good Luck x x x

 

[Tender Face]

I’d lead by example ..... or by shaming them .... if the lady is distressed could you sit with her a while until she got the attention she needed if this happens again? You could ask the careworker very nicely if they are under-staffed because she is clearly showing signs of being over-stretched ..... (concern, concern ... she might burst into tears on you if someone recognises the stress she and her co-workers are under)

Are you sure this lady wouldn’t ask to be taken to bed even when she is in her own room? Any contact with her family or visitors and knowledge of how dementia affects her and those who care for her? How well do you know the lady and HER behaviour? Very difficult ..... is it being ‘Good Samaritan’ or is it poking your nose in to other people’s affairs?

Charging off to SS does not seem like the best route initially .... perhaps repeated observations ... but if you have not given the staff chance to put right your concerns ... I’m not sure how effective it would be trying to be very ‘formal’ about one incident of perhaps an over-worked carer and what impact it may have on the lady and her own family who might be perfectly happy with her care.

Is it the lady resident you are concerned about or is it ‘transference’ about concerns for your uncle?

I’m not the world’s best at taking deep breaths and walking away .... but I think you might need to take a look at what is really concerning you here and what impact you may have on other people by taking action without consulting them and respecting how they feel – or maybe they don’t know – but maybe they do? Or are you certain this resident has no-one to visit and ‘look out’ for them’?

Kindest regards, Karen, x

 

[Izzy]

I think I agree with Jackie about having a word with the manager. It iz difficult as this person nay well have been stressed. On the other hand what if this is happening regularly?

 

[thatwoman]

I agree that you should raise this with the manager. If there is a problem with a member of staff, that's where it should be addressed. This could be a one-off (any of us can reach exasperation sometimes), or as you say, could be a sign that things are generally not good. In my Dad's home, if one carer is showing signs of stress, others will take over and let the stressed one go and deal with taking the laundry or washing up. It'd be hard to judge from one incident. I am amazed at how few signs of stress there are when staff are faced with the constant repetition and, in an EMI home, potential violence.
You're obviously concerned, so make an appointment and discuss it at the home. If it's a good home, nobody will make you feel awkward. And if it's not....that answers your question.
Hope you get this sorted, love Sue x

 

[Jane3006]

Hi, just wanted to say yes I agree speak to the manager. If you feel strongly about it, then you can also report to social worker and cqc. I recently visited a care home, where some things went on that I found too difficult and was absolutely disgusted by. I sent an email to cqc about the home as it had an excellent rating and reported to social services. The cqc have since rung me and are doing a full investigation and Social Services are also going to do some spot checks. I did not know anyone in the home thank god as I was only checking it out as a possibilty for my mother. However, I just felt someones mother, father, uncle etc was in that home and something had to be done. It obviously upset you and therefore it was acceptable, so go for it, because if we all start watching maybe the not so good homes will improve. Also I think when there good then lets tell them that.

 

[summertime]

Thanks

Thanks all for the replies. I've only been into the home 2-3 times but understand from my uncle this elderly lady has no family. I was just so taken aback at the manner and tone of the way in which this careworker spoke to her.Having read all the replies, the best way forward seems to be to talk to the manager which I will do asap.Thanks again for all the replies.