Mum wetting the bed

[Goingitalone]

I've been pleased that, although mum has vascular dementia and can be quite confused at times, she has had no problem with incontinence so far.

We've recently had more carers in so I've been a little less 'hands on' and yesterday she had a visit to my sister's for the first time in ages. It seems that when they dropped her back home last night they discovered she had wet the bed and my sister is sure it's not the first time.

I do check mum's bed regularly, especially that it's smooth, because I know she's always been fussy about her bed and I don't want her getting bed sores. Of course, I change it regularly, too.

I know she had a little accident about a month ago and I sorted it, but I'm getting worried now. Just when we have care in place it looks like more help is going to be needed.

I guess what I need to know is, how likely is this to deteriorate? Is there anything we can do to help eg. would asking the carers to take her to the toilet regularly during the day help? (assuming she will do as they ask).

If this is going to be the norm very soon, what can I do to keep her in her own home as long as possible? How long should pads be worn (assuming she will wear them-she takes her knickers off already. ), how many visits a day is it likely to take to keep her dry?

How long is a piece of string, eh?

Sorry to be so naive, but this seems to be the start of a whole new phase.

 

[danny]

Hi Maggie,lots and lots of questions!!!!!

People will be along with lots and lots of answers!!!!!

Firstly,make sure mum hasn`t got a urine infection,get a sample to the GP,ask the district nurse for help with this.

Secondly,make sure mumcan find the toilet.Incontinence sometimes starts because the person can`t find the loo.Get some picture signs of a loo on the toilet door.Maybe get a commode for her bedroom.

I would ask the carers to prompt the loo every visit.Ideally this needs to be done every few hours,this may not be too practical.

Pads need to be checked regularly and changed as often as needed.

If they are dry but crumpled they can cause sores.

Make sure the carers apply a barrier cream to prevent chapping of the skin.

Very important to encourage fluids,this can be a problem as some people will drink less to prevent going to the loo.

Make sure mum wears clothes that are easy to take off/down when using the loo.

Good luck.

 

[jenniferpa]

Since she hasn't been to your sisters in awhile, could it be that she forgot where the bathroom was, was unable to ask, and left it too long? I would be much more concerned if it happened in her own home, but in someone else's home - I think there are too many possibilities to be certain one way or the other.

As Danny said - do check for a UTI though.

 

[Charlie23]

Hi there
This is a big problem with my own grandmother. She constantly wears pads now, bigger ones at nighttime... and if often incontinent in both ways. Quite often she won't get up to go to the loo... she is afraid of falling... and as a consequence of this also, she declines to drink much. Obviously this can become a medical issue also.
It seems you are in the early stages and may have been the change in routine. Hope it settles down xx

 

[Margaret W]

Are we not over-reacting here? She visited her sister and wet the bed. A strange house, a strange bathroom. I don't think that points to incontinence.

Keep an eye on it, is all I can say.

Margaret

 

[danny]

I don`t think this is over reacting,Maggie wants some information on what could happen.

I must admit though I did`nt read the bit very clearly about being in a different room,but as I said earlier ,most people with dementia usually end up incontinent due to not finding and not remembering .

 

[Goingitalone]

I'm sorry, I was really tired and stressed last night and was panicking. It seems that, just when things start to get sorted some other problem rears its ugly head to bite us!

You just can't relax with this illness, not for a minute.

Mum had wet her own bed the night or morning before she went to my sister's. I didn't go in that day as my sis was picking her up and, as she doesn't take mum out that often, I decided to let her take responsibility for mum for a day so I could catch up on some housework here.

I got a phone call yesterday telling me that Mum's bed was wet and that it 'obviously wasn't the first time.'

It's been hard lately. I've been running myself ragged trying to be there every day because if I don't my brother (who lives with mum and has schizophrenia) gets ill. He deals with the stress of caring for mum by going out as much as possible. That's understandable, he can hardly look after himself, the worry of mum is just too much for him. Also, he doesn't have the initiative to know what's needed. But he loves mum to bits and is anxious to please her, bless him.

The trouble is, I have family relying on me, too. My daughter has chronic depression so we often have our 2 little grandchildren here. My husband is semi retired and wants me to spend time with him.

We now have ss involved and carers going in via direct payments, so we can have the flexibility to do what mum would want (although she hates the carers and is often unco-operative).

Now I'm getting pressure from those close to me saying, 'Why are you going in again? Shouldn't the carers be doing that?'

I'm beginning to feel my life is no longer my own, I'm sleeping badly and constantly worried.

To be honest, today I feel I just want to run away and hide somewhere I can't be contacted.

And I'm so ashamed of feeling that way. It should all be better now we have some help but I've failed again!

 

[Izzy]

Maggie there is no way you have failed. It sounds to me as if you are run ragged seeing to everyone. Would if be possible to have a care package review with the social workers and maybe your sister there? Also - have you had a carers' assessment? Izzy x

 

[Goingitalone]

Thanks, Angela, for your advice. I do appreciate it, and your warmth. You had understood me right the first time, although I'm sorry I didn't explain myself very well.

Sorry, Margaret.

It was Mum's bed that was wet, not my sister's.

I've asked my brother to leave the toilet door open because I think that Mum forgets what she got up for when she needs the loo and sees her bedroom ahead of her so just goes to it instead.

Of course, my brother often forgets, or isn't there to open the loo door.

I guess I just have to go up regularly throughout the day and ignore the moaning from here.

Yes, I AM overreacting. I'm shattered. I'm so ashamed. People on here have so much worse to contend with. I'm not made of very stern stuff, but I've brought up 4 kids, have looked after my brother throug years of relapses in his condition and I just don't know how much more I can take.

I guess we get the strength from somewhere.

 

[scarletpauline]

How about getting a commode for the side of your Mum's bed? I believe you can hire them from the Red Cross, not positive about that, but it could be the answer if Mum gets up before she wets her bed. Love Pauline xx

 

[Izzy]

We got a commode for mum and it makes all the difference. I think the first was from OT and we got a better one recently through district nurse. We also bought a portable one so we can take it on self catering holidays!

 

[Goingitalone]

Thanks, Izzy. We have just had mum assessed and because she is so abusive to carers we went for the direct payments so I could arrange consistent carers she would like. I asked for a carers assessment for my brother, as he lives with mum so is at the sharp end, so to speak.

I think my family would have preferred that I just leave it all to social services and back off, but we've tried that before and it didn't work.

I didn't want them to just give up and put her in a care home. She still knows where she is and who we are (well, MOST of the time! ).

I just want to do the very best for my mum. But sometimes I just can't keep all these plates spinning...........

 

[Goingitalone]

You're an inspiration

Yes, Mum does have a commode which we collected from Freecycle when she had her bathroom done and the loo was out of commission. I'd forgotten about it?

I will go and rearrange her bedroom so that the commode is the first thing she sees when she goes for a pee. It might remind her to turn right into the loo or she might use the commode. Either is preferable to wet beds.

Thank you all for the suggestions.

Sometimes I'm just too tired to think straight.

 

[MJW]

Just a thought, but sometimes constipation can be a cause of urinary incontinence. Might that be a problem?