Took Mum to the hospital today for her 6 monthly consultation ...She was in a grumpy mood.. It was a hot day and she hates hot weather. I was having a battle with myself all the way, I knew what i wanted to say to the doctors, health professionals, etc, I looked at my lovely mum .. she has given me so much.. loved me .. protected me .. never let me down...i started to cry for all the necessary things i knew i had to say. She had forgiven me when we came out, Quite simply beacause she had forgotton...I feel a traitor to her.. didnt want this stage to come.. or the next and next... Millie
Demons Nightmares and the rest.........
- Thread starter Milliedaughter
- Start date
Dear Millie, that's so sad and distressing that you have to talk about 'things' in front of your mum. 
You're definitely not a traiter you are just trying to make things better. The hospital clinic where I used to take my mum had a little kitchen with table and chairs next to the consulting room with staff present so that when I wanted to talk I used to take mum there for a cuppa whilst I went back and told the consultant what I needed to. I don't know what I'd have done without that facility. Its a great shame that this set up is not widely available. This does'nt help you, I know, but I can understand how upsetting it is for you and why you might feel guilty. For next time, is there anywhere you could take her where she could sit for a few minutes where a member of staff would keep an eye on her whilst you said what you needed to? xxx Chris
You're definitely not a traiter you are just trying to make things better. The hospital clinic where I used to take my mum had a little kitchen with table and chairs next to the consulting room with staff present so that when I wanted to talk I used to take mum there for a cuppa whilst I went back and told the consultant what I needed to. I don't know what I'd have done without that facility. Its a great shame that this set up is not widely available. This does'nt help you, I know, but I can understand how upsetting it is for you and why you might feel guilty. For next time, is there anywhere you could take her where she could sit for a few minutes where a member of staff would keep an eye on her whilst you said what you needed to? xxx Chris
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Thanks so much Lin, Im having a large glass of wine tonight.. hope it helps me have a good nights sleep.. i just want to put my arms round my mum. (she is in shelterd housing so not here with me tonight). I feel so sad i cant... Hope all going well with you..I only joined yestrday... Millie X
Demons Nightmares and the rest.....
Thankyou all, My newfound virtual friends for your replies..advice and kindness, Millie x
Thankyou all, My newfound virtual friends for your replies..advice and kindness, Millie x
I understand
Hi Millie, its a sad situation that you are in. I have been there with my mum at the hospital when the consultant was giving a diognosis of front lobal dementia. We have to be honest with the profesionals. Try not to feel bad you are doing the best that you can for your lovely mum. Kind Regards Janice
Hi Millie, its a sad situation that you are in. I have been there with my mum at the hospital when the consultant was giving a diognosis of front lobal dementia. We have to be honest with the profesionals. Try not to feel bad you are doing the best that you can for your lovely mum. Kind Regards Janice
Demons Nightmares and the rest.....
Thankyou Janice, Ive found talking to you all a great help, I just feel Ive let my Mum down today .. i cant stop crying tonight.. My Mum has always been my Sunflower on a rainy day. Millie x
Thankyou Janice, Ive found talking to you all a great help, I just feel Ive let my Mum down today .. i cant stop crying tonight.. My Mum has always been my Sunflower on a rainy day. Millie x
But no, Millie is so lucky that she has such good memories of her mum. It is lovely. Treasure them forever. I had no such memories of my mum, she was just my mum, fed me, clothed me, nothing more. Do please rejoice in the fact that your mum was so precious to you.
Mine was not. It made the chore a chore.
Margaret
Mine was not. It made the chore a chore.
Margaret
Grannie G If i could be assured the consultant would read a hand written letter from myself regarding my Mum, before my Mums appointment, I would be delighted.
Hi Millie
I also wrote a letter to my mums neuro and the secretary said to me if he has the time I will get him to read it and I replied "well may as well cancel now if he doesnt as it will be a waste of his time my time and my mums money if he doesnt. Then I simply said to her feel welcome to read it yourself and by the time I got to work She rang me and said sorry and she can fully understand why it was important for him to read the letter and had already passed it onto him with his coffee!
It was a very emotional morning but when you are so desperate to help our beautiful mums it was worth the emotion and now my mum is on medication and coasting along well at the moment and when I take her to the GP I make an appointment for me before hers so we can talk, mind you I have to tell porkies when she asks what I'm seeing him for but he is wonderful to bulk bill me for mine! I've learnt not to be shy anymore and you have to ask for what you want and keep at it until you do! hope this helps take care Robyn x x x
I also wrote a letter to my mums neuro and the secretary said to me if he has the time I will get him to read it and I replied "well may as well cancel now if he doesnt as it will be a waste of his time my time and my mums money if he doesnt. Then I simply said to her feel welcome to read it yourself and by the time I got to work She rang me and said sorry and she can fully understand why it was important for him to read the letter and had already passed it onto him with his coffee!
It was a very emotional morning but when you are so desperate to help our beautiful mums it was worth the emotion and now my mum is on medication and coasting along well at the moment and when I take her to the GP I make an appointment for me before hers so we can talk, mind you I have to tell porkies when she asks what I'm seeing him for but he is wonderful to bulk bill me for mine! I've learnt not to be shy anymore and you have to ask for what you want and keep at it until you do! hope this helps take care Robyn x x x
Thankyou Grannie G and Robyn. I will certainly try the letter route. I feel constantly let down by the questions i am asked in my mums presence, they know i am her sole carer. Every time i go, i point out to them how uncomfortable i feel. The very worse thing for me is my mum gets agitated, sometimes she will start shouting and will call me a liar. I appreciate they are very busy, highly specialised people, but would love to see some recognition and changes in this area.
Hi Millie,
Sorry you're going through such a hard time.
I would go along with the letter but I would also phone the consultant's secretary a few days prior to your mum's next appointment and ask that he would try to read it before seeing your mum. I would say to the secretary that it will save a lot of time in the consultation if he could. If it turns out the letter isn't read before you are seen perhaps at that point say to the consultant you will take your mum off for a cuppa while he reads it or specifically ask that you have some time alone with him. He really should understand the situation and how awful it is to have to say things in front of her. If he is a psychogeriatrician he should be able to make time to accommodate this. Don't be put off!!! In this day and age it's your mum who is the client, the medical profession who are providing a service and it will also help all round if the consultant has a clear picture of exactly what is going on, which you may not be able to give him in front of your mum.
Hope your little one is better now.
Dogdaft.
Sorry you're going through such a hard time.
I would go along with the letter but I would also phone the consultant's secretary a few days prior to your mum's next appointment and ask that he would try to read it before seeing your mum. I would say to the secretary that it will save a lot of time in the consultation if he could. If it turns out the letter isn't read before you are seen perhaps at that point say to the consultant you will take your mum off for a cuppa while he reads it or specifically ask that you have some time alone with him. He really should understand the situation and how awful it is to have to say things in front of her. If he is a psychogeriatrician he should be able to make time to accommodate this. Don't be put off!!! In this day and age it's your mum who is the client, the medical profession who are providing a service and it will also help all round if the consultant has a clear picture of exactly what is going on, which you may not be able to give him in front of your mum.
Hope your little one is better now.
Dogdaft.
Yes.I guess Pubic servents is another name for them... Doctors are not gods.. but without them where would we be? I have been very grateful to them for keeping my loved ones pain free and giving them quality of life. My son is a medic and will soon qualify as a doctor..he put me on this website.
