House Clearance - Them or Me - Who does what?

[vdg]

Your SW sounds rubbish
My sw was great to start with then soon lost interest.I got advice from here, CAB and other friends who have been through similar.Do you have a CAB? they are very helpful about what you should and shouldn't have to do and anything they don't know they will willingly find out about.

 

[Clive]

Hi Ladywriter.

Just remember when you are dealing with your Social Worker to be nice to her

However horrible and incompetent she is please try and rise above it and keep cool.

All humans react best to a carrot first…

Best wishes

Clive

 

[Ladywriter1968]

Hi Nina its ok

I didn't mean you to take what I said the wrong way. Having read your replies it is obvious you are under a lot of stress so please accept my apologies.

It is good that you have removed the valuables from the house and your Dad has got them in the care home, one less thing to worry about. When my mum was in hospital she always worried about her valuables and asked me to get them out of her house and look after them.

I have never had to deal with social workers but I know they can be hard work. I suggested taking a friend because the SW might be more careful in what she says to you if you have a "witness" because it does sound like she is giving you mixed messages.

Take care

Nina

Hi Soup Runner

Its ok, its just that people don't seem to understand my situation, unfortunately I am an only child and get no support from any family at all. In fact this is an example.

When I visited dad last week with my husband, I saw my uncle visiting, and he asked me if dad was perm yet, I told him no, and I said to him, the meeting is next week, you can come along if you want to and you will know what will happen to your Brother, you know what answer I got from uncle, "Oh, I will have to see" Oh Oh I may be busy" but let me know on the phone he said to me. I said to him, "suit yourself" I live quite far away from my dads borough yet my uncle and cousin live 10mins away. I live an hour away. yet they do nothing to help me. They want me to chase them phoning them to give them information about my fathers care but they don't want to be involved in any of the rigma roll of it all though. Yet its the only Brother he has life. Oh well.

My husband is coming with me to the meeting since my relatives cant be bothered to show up.

I have gotten different information from different people and half the time, I don't know what's wrong or right.

The care home said, your dad def wont go home, so that's when I cleared out the sofa. Then following week she said, oh we are not sure now, I said, well thank you very much, I have cleared out his sofa now. Its a good job I didn't clear out everything else really isn't it, I said to her. Lucky that thank god dads other stuff is still in the house. But its only cause someone said to me, hang on before going ahead. She said your dad wont be going home but where's the proof of this, and that's when I thought, oh god they are right.

But if the SW does send my dad home with another care package and something else happens to him, I will take legal action against her and this happened before, they kept sending him home and he kept getting hurt and injured and falls down the stairs. If he collapsed at home who would know. He lives alone. He even had this girl in her 20's who tried to move into his house and get all his pension money in January. I had a fight to get rid of her. When told the police they were no help at all. I kept telling her to get lost but she was clever con person, she waited until I left and then went there. Cause dads neighbour rang me and said that girls been hanging around again your dads house. She would always come with friends or men as well. When dad was in hospital she stole the key code to dads front door and let herself in and stayed there. Dads mate chucked her out when he went round to check on dads house she was sitting in there with her friends and he physically got hold of her and threw her out. she scumbag girl befriended my dad see, cause my dad would talk to anyone cause he friendly. She befriended old people and conned them out of their money and stayed with them. After that, I was very unwell for about 4 months from all the stress of it all. I even lost work over it as well. I had severe chest infections ongoing for 4 months. This girl even went up the hospital and said to the doctor. I can look after him at home I am his carer. The doctors were suspicious then. She just would not go away. In the end I think she was arrested for holding someone hostage in their own home cause the neighbour that lived near her was told this.

 

[Ladywriter1968]

cab and those offices

Your SW sounds rubbish
My sw was great to start with then soon lost interest.I got advice from here, CAB and other friends who have been through similar.Do you have a CAB? they are very helpful about what you should and shouldn't have to do and anything they don't know they will willingly find out about.

I do have a cab near but its hardly ever open, thats the trouble, there are no others near by. The Sw is rubbish, she has not even met my dad and making decisions about someone she does not even know.

 

[Ladywriter1968]

social services stink

I just think now from my encounters with them, that they stink. I never really had an opinion either way before about them at all. I even did temp work for them but obviously before I just did the admin side as was never involved in the other side on the childrens councelling sections only though. But social workers have done nothing for me or my dad and I thought they were supposed to support and help families going through a rough time, but they do nothing.

I think now since they work for the government all they care about is cutting costs and the person involved does not matter.
Anything to save money.

Before they set him up with this care package which was no good, the carer was no good, dad sat there in dirty clothes and slept in them and had microwave dinners all the time. No wonder why he needed vitB12 jabs for anaemia.

The only thing that was good was the emergency stuff dad was supplied with, the emergency thing around his neck and that stuff I thought was good, but then again, its only really any good to someone who can actually remember what its actually meant for though, maybe not good for someone with dementia. But good for people with other health issues or disabilities it would be great for them. Cause my dad kept forgetting what it was meant for anyway.

The key code on the door was good for the carer to get in, but then that girl as my previous story on here, she got the key code from the book at dads house when he let her in one day and let herself in dads house whenever she felt like it thereafter. Then we had to have all the locks changed.

If it was not for me, my dad would be totally alone really. Cause as also previously stated. my family would do nothing cause they don't want to know. So if anything happened to me then my dad would have no one basically. All the care about is their own family really and myself and dad have never been apart of it anyway. They are all very selfish people.

 

[Ladywriter1968]

yes you are 100% correct in this

I don't think you have to have the council to do it, but they are probably a lot cheaper that other organisations. But it sounds to me that your dad isn't quite at that stage, so don't chuck his stuff out until you are sure he is not going back.

I think Nina is a bit harsh in her description of you. I imagine you just want to get things sorted as soon as possible, the pressure must be immense, and you don't want it dragging on.

I can understand that.

Let's see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

Stay strong, Brisobelle, and work through it slowly and steadily.

Love

Margaret

You are 100% correct, I do want to get things sorted out asap. As the longer it hangs on the harder it is for me, as I cant always get down there due to finance probs anyway. Plus with Xmas coming up on top as well it makes it that much harder even still.

Also, my husband is having an operation in Janary right at the beginning of it, so I cant be in two places at once. I will need to look after my husband and I cant sort out dads house as well. Its just impossible and to much pressure on me. Cause again, I have no help at all from family with this. The only people doing it is me and my husband, and I have a very bad back and cant bend on top. So what am I supposed to do. I cant move stuff on my own. And I certainly cant afford to pay the council to clear it, we dont have the money.

The house clearance I got in touch with said they would not charge anything and all I had to do was, to let them know when I knew dads outcomes. They would even come out right near to christmas as well. Cause in the new year I cant get down there cause of husband operation. So the social worker will have to sort it all out then if she want the council to do it, wont she.

Its bad that my dads brother does not want to be involved, yet its down to my husband which is not fair really.

 

[ella24]

Sorry Ladywriter, but I think it's very poor form to make a sweeping statement like the one you made about Soical Workers.

I think now since they work for the government all they care about is cutting costs and the person involved does not matter.
Anything to save money.

They have always been funded by government money, via central or local government.

Before they set him up with this care package which was no good, the carer was no good, dad sat there in dirty clothes and slept in them and had microwave dinners all the time.

If your dad refused help, then that is his right - unless he is sectioned under the Mental Health Act, he is able to make his own choices on food, clothes, cleaning etc.

You may not have liked his living style, but if there were concerns about his mental health which would have put either him or other people in direct danger, a doctor should have been called - by you, his friends, or the carer, or SS.

No wonder why he needed vitB12 jabs for anaemia.

If your dad required B12 injections for Pernicious Anaemia, that is a serious medical condition, that is not always managed by diet alone. He may need the injections for life.

They are all very selfish people.

No. Some may be less helpful, but mostly they have a lot to deal with, with tight budgets (that they cannot influnce) - and they are dealing not only with the cared for person, but also the families - who are not always supportive/available/knowledgeable/willing to communicate or compromise.

Most of the issues you have described with your Social Worker could have been avoided/improved by better communication on both parts. I really think you need to find a way of communicating with the SW in a better way. You may not be able to change how she acts, but you could change the way you do.

 

[gigi]

Hello Ladywriter,

Your dad sounds as though he is a very vulnerable person...I wonder if you have told the SW what you have told us?

My gut instinct from what you are telling us is to stop worrying about "what might happen"..but concentrate on "what is happening."

Forget dad's flat and his possessions, for now.

Dad is currently in care and it sounds as though that's where he should remain, for his own sake.

If you find the current SW difficult to communicate with you can ask for another one to take over. Generally they are there to help. I get the impression that you are listening to too many people..and this is confusing the issue.

Surely your dad's well-being should be the most important issue.

He is alone and vulnerable...and from what you have told us at risk of abuse.

I can't understand the haste to get the house cleared.

The fact is, if you're unable to be there for your dad through ill-health, and caring for your husband, then your dad will be subject to Social Services care provision..with or without your say.

Just remember when you are dealing with your Social Worker to be nice to her

However horrible and incompetent she is please try and rise above it and keep cool.

Clive has put it well....you need this person on your side.

 

[ella24]

as I cant always get down there due to finance probs anyway. Plus with Xmas coming up on top as well it makes it that much harder even still.

Also, my husband is having an operation in Janary right at the beginning of it, so I cant be in two places at once. I will need to look after my husband and I cant sort out dads house as well. Its just impossible and to much pressure on me.

For expenses to visit someone who is ill, you may be entitled to help via Income Support http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTa...sAndOtherSupport/Caringforsomeone/DG_10018921

 

[Ladywriter1968]

thank you for the information

Ladywriter
I would take a step back from anything to do with your dad's house at the moment, but I would write to the SW informing her that when the time comes that the house needs emptying then you expect to be notified and given the opportunity to decide what needs to be done with your dad's belongings. She is out of order saying the council will empty it if this is against your dad's wishes. If the house is to be left furnished for any length of time it may be advisable to check the contents insurance.

Don't worry yourself about the councils one month notice Social Services will make arrangements with the council regarding this, you just look after yourself and your dad.

Thanks for your advice

 

[Ladywriter1968]

thank you for the information

Ladywriter
I would take a step back from anything to do with your dad's house at the moment, but I would write to the SW informing her that when the time comes that the house needs emptying then you expect to be notified and given the opportunity to decide what needs to be done with your dad's belongings. She is out of order saying the council will empty it if this is against your dad's wishes. If the house is to be left furnished for any length of time it may be advisable to check the contents insurance.

Don't worry yourself about the councils one month notice Social Services will make arrangements with the council regarding this, you just look after yourself and your dad.

Thanks for the information. As for the contents insurance, dad was never insured. Well I know my dad said years ago of me having stuff when he was not around any more but I did not think that he figured he would be in a care home though. There is nothing signed either from my dad so I have no proof of his wishes and now they will just say well he has dementia now anyway. Dad never really thought to do anything like that with his wishes.

 

[Ladywriter1968]

everything has to be proved nowadays

You can quote me if I am wrong here on this, but it seems that everything has to be proved nowadays, like, say my dad if he years ago wrote down, I wish for all my possessions to go to daughter and he signed it, I or wish for them to be going to a charity or whatever.

He never drew up a "will" and never bothered with anything like that. So social services will just probably take it now and they said they would set up an account for him with the sale of the stuff.

But I don't honestly think the stuff is worth a lot and think they will just offset the cost of the stuff on the council to pay the council to clear it, if that makes sense, where as I could have got a house clearance to clear it and they were going to pay me money for this which I could have put in my dads account for his bits and bobs and care, at least that way he could have more the just £21.00 a week, he would have had money on top as well. Where as their way he will get nothing basically.

But if I say to the SW my dads wishes were for me to have this, she would say, have you got this in writing, and of course I don't have this.

 

[Ladywriter1968]

hi there

Sorry Ladywriter, but I think it's very poor form to make a sweeping statement like the one you made about Soical Workers.



They have always been funded by government money, via central or local government.



If your dad refused help, then that is his right - unless he is sectioned under the Mental Health Act, he is able to make his own choices on food, clothes, cleaning etc.

You may not have liked his living style, but if there were concerns about his mental health which would have put either him or other people in direct danger, a doctor should have been called - by you, his friends, or the carer, or SS.



If your dad required B12 injections for Pernicious Anaemia, that is a serious medical condition, that is not always managed by diet alone. He may need the injections for life.



No. Some may be less helpful, but mostly they have a lot to deal with, with tight budgets (that they cannot influnce) - and they are dealing not only with the cared for person, but also the families - who are not always supportive/available/knowledgeable/willing to communicate or compromise.

Most of the issues you have described with your Social Worker could have been avoided/improved by better communication on both parts. I really think you need to find a way of communicating with the SW in a better way. You may not be able to change how she acts, but you could change the way you do.

Thats is fair enough and I respect your honest opinion, but you must realise that I have been put thru the mill and not helped at all by the SW so I am very upset, I mean, I emailed her a few days ago and asked her a simple question which she has not bothered to get back to me on.

When my dad had a previous care package she did not even have any information on this at all and before she left the hospital, she never even bothered to meet my dad. I realised that not all SW are bad as remember I did used to work with them and do the admin for some of them and they were very nice, but the one recently dealing with my dad has not been helpful and she was nasty down the phone to me. I know there are good and bad in everyone, but you must understand that some seem to care about their work more then others. The SW he had before that was nice and helpful, but the care package did not work. The carer left him in dirty clothing and did not get my dad clean clothing. he sat reading the paper looking at his watch. He left all dads windows open when dad went to hospital and then dad ended up getting burgled. I have given the SW and carers all information and my phone number for any details. The first carer dad had was good, he would ring me up, but the second one would not. I know where you are coming from but I am speaking from personal experience. My sister in law works with SW as well. Considering I have not had any support at all from my family either is not really my fault. I can only do so much, but I respect your opinion and how you feel on this.

 

[Ladywriter1968]

as for other parts

A doctor was called about his problems and he was taken to the doctor a few times. I even had to borrow money from a neighbour to get down there at the time to take dad to the doctors. Thats how bad things got. As said, I don't live near my dad. At the time I guess I should have informed the SW about the carer which I did not which was wrong of me. But I was told that the previous SW was not on my dads case any more and when I rang up to ask who was, they didn't seem to know. They said no one is dealing with your dad at the moment. I informed the care place that provided the carer of him leaving open dads windows. They said they would have words with him, I heard no more about this. The care home dad is in, the hospital gave them all the wrong medical records for my dad as well. I thought, its just one thing after another after another really. I did not know that dad would have to have Vit B12 for life though. Not being medically trained I would not know. But you told me that and what its for. thanks.

 

[Short girl]

Surprised to hear this one

I must admit this is a new one on me and I should know as I work in Social Care, but not a Social Worker mind. Normally house clearance and such matters are left to the families, attorneys or friends and the local authority does not become involved unless there is no one else or if there are capacity or safeguarding issues.

 

[Sue J]

Dear Ladywriter,

Be gentle on yourself. I am new on here today and have only read your recent post re. clearing your Dad's house but there is obviously along history before you've reached where you are. It has brought back a lot of memories for me of the situation I had with my mother several years ago and I can only feel for you in the frustration and difficulties that you are encountering now.

I am a bit loathe to add more information at a time when you are obviously overloaded but in our situation the council did try and recoup money from us for payment of rent on my mother's property even though the social worker had not allowed us to give up the tenancy. We did fight it and I think they dropped it in the end I was more fortunate than you as my brother dealt with the financial side. As I understood it at the time a care home place could not be permanently given and accepted for 6 weeks after admission in case it was not considered suitable by either party. During this time one was not allowed to relinquish the council tenancy or one could be considered to have 'made oneself homeless'. However, once the place has been confirmed then you can give up the tenancy. Given that the local authority are presumably paying for the home they usually will not pay rent on the home that has been given up after this 6 week period. You do not want to find yourself in a situation where they are requesting money from your Dad's assets. So contrary to what some seem to be saying it may be in your interest to plan for the clearing of the property. Council's do differ but have they advised you of thier policy e.g. our mad council charges for removal of carpets etc. even if they are in very good condition and would do the new occupant a good turn - but they should advise you. I will try and check out the current guidelines for you re. timelines as they may have changed since my situation.

I hope I've not confused you with above and my heart goes out to you with what you're dealing with - do something nice for yourself tonight just for you - your Dad is being cared for and sounds like you've done a great job in trying to do the best for him in very difficult circumstances, and still are. Hold on there and keep your chin up.

Take care - will repost if I find any new info

 

[Sue J]

Dear Ladywriter

Contacted housingcare.org to try and confirm the period of time allowed before giving up council property when moving into a local authority home and was advised that it is council dependent so to contact them to find out. Don't know if this helps but all the best to you..

 

[Ladywriter1968]

hi there to you

Hello Ladywriter,

Your dad sounds as though he is a very vulnerable person...I wonder if you have told the SW what you have told us?

My gut instinct from what you are telling us is to stop worrying about "what might happen"..but concentrate on "what is happening."

Forget dad's flat and his possessions, for now.

Dad is currently in care and it sounds as though that's where he should remain, for his own sake.

If you find the current SW difficult to communicate with you can ask for another one to take over. Generally they are there to help. I get the impression that you are listening to too many people..and this is confusing the issue.

Surely your dad's well-being should be the most important issue.

He is alone and vulnerable...and from what you have told us at risk of abuse.

I can't understand the haste to get the house cleared.

The fact is, if you're unable to be there for your dad through ill-health, and caring for your husband, then your dad will be subject to Social Services care provision..with or without your say.



Clive has put it well....you need this person on your side.

Well I feel that if my dad goes home he will be open to all sorts of abuses yes. Like explained before. I cant always reply on here I think my pccc playing up,..

 

[Ladywriter1968]

hi there again

Well I feel that if my dad goes home he will be open to all sorts of abuses yes. Like explained before. I cant always reply on here I think my pccc playing up,..

I have been told many things. I did tell Sw before of dad being alone and vulnerable. I went all this with her at the hospital and my situation as well and my poor health on top. The distance away etc. Dads health conditions. Of which then the home was given the wrong medical information on my dad.

I guess I just wish I had more family support around me instead of having to do everything on my own. I have not even begun to come to terms with the emotional aspect of it all yet. I guess I am being a robot at the moment really. The fact that my dad has this is bad enough. If not for my husband I would have no one to turn to at all. No one to talk to. I guess I am speaking out aloud really as I know that No one can really do anything or help. I cant even talk to family about it all cause they just don't want to know. They are the coldest people really.

I will just have to see what happens. All I do know for sure is, that I can only do so much as I am one person. Not several. And I have my breaking points just like anyone else really.

Anyway. thats all really.

 

[lesmisralbles]

Lady writer 1968

Never run away XX

Just do what you can do

Barb X