hi iam new to this forum but not this evil issness

[barking]

Hi I Have Been Looking After My Mum For The Last Three Years
She Still Lives On Her Own She Is 84
Iam Married And Have Two Children
I Really Dont Know How Long I Can Do This For I Feal Is If I Should Be Here Or There She Cant See That Good And Sees Things Sorry Started To Cry I Have Been Reading Different Stories On This Site And I Dont Know How People Can Look After Loved Ones With This Evil Thing Over Them I Can Not Do My Love To Those Who Do Iam Sorry If I Have Upset Anyone I Dont Mean It Like That

 

[lesmisralbles]

Hello Barking

Does that mean Barking Mad ???

Talk about your life, let it all out, we do not know who you are
You will feel better, I did.

Barb & Ron XX

 

[barking]

I Feel Like Iam Barking Mad I Tried Lots Of Different User Names And That One Came Into My Mind I Wonder If I Have Got It
I Cant Stop Crying And Before Anyone Notices Iam Not That Good On Spelling I Love My Mum But How Much Of My Life Do I Have To Give

 

[jenniferpa]

Dear Barking - welcome to Talking Point.

As Barb has pointed out, sometimes it helps just to put it all down on paper (or screen in this case).

Are you getting any help with your mother? Have you considered residential care? Have you had a carers assessment? Sorry for all the questions but one of the things about caring is that is can all pile up on top of you and paralyse you but if you break it down into its component parts it can be manageable (sometimes).

 

[lesmisralbles]

Dear Barking

My spelling if you look in my past thread's is atrocious, spelt that one wrong, or maybe not.

Talk, get it out. You will feel better. And as I said, no one know's who you are.

Others will come on line and give you advice.
I look after my husband. Others looking after parent's will know more than I do.
Good luck, and love to you.
Barb X
Keep posting

 

[barking]

I Have Repond Response Comimg In At The Moment My Mum Hates It And Turns On Me Before And After The Visit We Said We Would Never Put Her In Home And After Readind The Post It Seems Realy Hard To Do This Plus Some Times She Comes Back So Like My Mum

 

[jenniferpa]

Unfortunately, some people who are being cared for lash out at the people doing the caring. We tend to say "it's just the disease" and it is, but it doesn't make it any easier. As to the "never put them in a home" I read on the board today, and I can't remember where so I can't give credit where it is due, that the one promise that should never be asked or given is the promise not to put someone into a home, because none of us knows how this disease will take us.

It isn't made any easier when you have flashes of the person they were before the disease hit: if there's anything that will make you feel guilty it's that.

 

[lesmisralbles]

Dear Jennifer

As to the "never put them in a home"

Stand as guilty
I will never, put Ron in a home.
I am not being cocky, or rude.
It is just, I can look after him. I and Ron are lucky, I am 23 years younger than Ron.
If I die, then home it is.
If I live, then at home with me, it is.
Not everyone can do this. I am not looking forward to it. But then again, I did not know this was going to happen. I knew Ron would get older, as would I.. But, I thought we would have a few more year's, as Ron is/was very fit, apart fron the dementia.
The parkinson's I could cope with. The dementia, well, I am copeing, I think

Barb X & Ron ZZZ

 

[jenniferpa]

Barb: I didn't say always put them in a home, just that this is a promise that shouldn't be asked or given. As you say: if something happened to you, your husband would have to be placed in residential care.

 

[roundy]

Hello barking.
Everyone is at different point in this awful journey,sounds like you are in the midst of it all.

Oh and everyone has their own point of view,some agree with care homes and some are fortunate to be able to look after their loved ones at home,but non of us can see whats around the corner with this illness,I thought I would never in a million years put my lovely mum in a home but on Monday she is going into one,it breaking my heart and when anyone says its the easy option,they are WRONG,it not,its the hardest thing i have ever had to do but I know she will be safe and took care of.

You have to do whats best for you and your loved one.
Take Care.
Lisa.xx

 

[Royalslady]

Hi Barking and welcome. I only just started posting a few days ago and I have found the response I have had to be so supportive and full of empathy. Not only that, but you can pick up really usual information on here.

I wrote 'war and peace' last night, so don't worry about ranting on.

As Lisa says, every situation is different and sometimes a care home is the last resort. However, having seen the lovely place my Mum is in now I almost feel sorry that I didn't give her the benefit of it when she was well enough to participate more in all the activities.

She only moved in to the CH yesterday - I can't wait till 9.00 am when I can call and see how she is. There is no point in calling right now as she will still be sleeping (I hope!!)

All the best with your Mum x

 

[Sam Iam]

Hi Barking,
we are all here to help and support each other.
Manys a time I have written an epic and have supportive messages.

Write all of your feelings down, it really helps. BEST WISHES xx

 

[Amber 5]

Hi Barking,
Love the name!!
I am fairly new to this site too and look after my mum as best I can from living 2 hrs drive away (I'm married with 3 daughters).

She is living alone (although my brother and sister in law live close by, they both work and have a baby, so are there to help in emergencies). Mum and I speak at least twice a day on the phone and I get across there about once a week at the moment (wish I could see her more often - if we lived closer that would be easier).

She has had signs of dementia for a few years really, but I decided I really had to start looking after her better last Summer when she had fainted outside a couple of times and did a couple of more times (I think because of not eating properly and going out to buy food at a time when the shops were shut! etc.)
I started off thinking that I would be able to make things better and her life easier, but the more I have learned over the last few months has made me realise that no matter what you do, it is always going to be short term before another change will happen. Also that if they won't accept help you can't force them, only try to encourage or put things to them in a different way (bit like dealing with a young child really).

I felt very lonely when I realised that I had to get on top of organising her financial matters, be the one to speak to the SW, fill in forms (the attendance allowance one was quite upsetting as I felt I was telling tales on all the things she couldn't do properly for herself), organising LPAs etc. But at the end of the day, these things have to be done, you can only do what you can do, and it is all because you love your mum.
Its not easy, but some days are quite uplifting when they are having a good day. You really have to go with the flow and deal with each situation as it arises. Trying not to argue with them is hard at first, but then you realise it is not them but the illness that is making them act they way they do.

Hopefully you will find lots of support from people on here - they really are fantastic, just like you, doing a great job looking after loved ones. Also the SW and Rapid Response people should be able to help you if you let them know you are finding it hard. Its amazing what you can get if you ask, but it won't just come to you, as they don't always know/realise if you don't tell them.

Try to make sure you have some time to do something for yourself, that you enjoy and takes your mind of everything if you can and even if only for half an hour. (I know how hard it is to switch off - I constantly feel worried and have butterflies in my stomach when there is an issue with mum - so most days really)!!

Hope to hear how you are getting on. Keep posting on here, I'm sure it will be a comfort to you.
love Gill x

 

[Soup Runner]

Barking

Hello,
Believe me I an another one who can't spell but does it matter as long as we can all understand each other?
You replied to my thread about Lewy Body dementia saying your mum sees little people so there is something we may have in common. My mum saw gypsy boys and tramps, now it seems to be spiders and dead cats!
Many nights I have cried myself to sleep following a lashing from her acid tongue. There have been nights when I have been too angry to sleep after she has accused me of doing or saying things I know nothing about.
Mum moved into a lovely nursing home last November. The staff are excellent and Mum is much happier than when she was at home on her own coping badly. When she gets nasty I can walk away knowing she is well cared for, something I was reluctant to do when she was at home.
Since Mum went into the home she is learning (like a child does) that bad behaviour does not get attention!
Whatever decision you make about her future will be the wrong one and you will beat yourself up emotionally but you need to consideer your husband and children as well as yourself.
The road ahead will be rocky but there are plenty of people here to walk it with you and talk to you as you walk.

Take care

Soup Runner

 

[Scottie45]

Hi Barking,I am new on here to,hope you get things sorted out thinking of you take care

 

[toura]

hi barking we all understand wat your going through iv been looking after mum for 8 years and watch her go down every year its not easly done u have to have plently of patients the way i look at it is mum look after me for nearly 10 years untill i went to school now its my turn to look after mum she didnt ask for this to happen and its not there fought it dose get easer as time goes on and u need fall support from your family please dont fell quitly only you know wats best for your mum. see we all cant spell lol sending hugs and kissing

 

[Margaret W]

Barking and others

Some of us on this site have good spelling but we do not give a Monkey's what your spelling is like. You are not on this website to pass an English exam, you are here to ask for help, and help you will get. I haven't met anyone yet whose spelling is so bad that I couldn't understand them. What I do understand is the love and care that people have for their relatives. So please keep us posted, and don't worry about spelling or anything else other than getting help for your loved one.

Love

Margaret

 

[Regina]

Hi Barking,
I was also barking a few weeks ago. I was angry, I was so mad at this disease and what I had to give up and do for my MIL. Honestly, I didn't know if I could do it--I was scared. I kept getting on this site and have calmed my inner self by reading and writing as much as I could. I feel so much better and that's not to say that I won't feel bad again, but at least I know there a some wonderful people out there that can center my "dot" by just letting me read and write how I feel. Some of them can even be shockingly direct if it's necessary. I never thought strangers could really help like that, but I was wrong.
Take one day at a time and sometimes take one moment at a time.
ps There's a rythm to this disease and you will find yours.

 

[barking]

Hi

Thanks To Everyone For Your Replies To My Thread
It Really Has Helped Me Findind This Site
Over The Past Few Days I Have Been Reading Lots Of Things That Get Posted And Does Help Me A Lot
My Mum Has Had A Chest Infection And Now Has A Really Bad Cough She Is Staying In Bed Over The Last Few Months She Has Getting Very Mixed Up With The Day And Night And Wants To Sleep Alot I Think Thats Az And After Reading Many Stories Thats Normal I Think Take Care Everyone

 

[Sooe]

Aren't we all - Barking

Hi Barking
Wow thats a great name, and we are all absolutely barking!! we have to be to try and keep ourselves and our loved ones sane! Scream, rant and rave it all helps. We can only do our absolute best for our loved ones MIL had to be admitted to a NH in december, we had a dreadful Xmas without her, my birthday coming up, which will be just as rotten.......have already lost FIL, and SIL in the last 18mths lost my own Mum & Dad 10 & 19yrs ago, so just us little tiny family unit left now MIL, Hubby and Daughter.....so very sad. The hardest thing we have ever ever had to do was put MIL in the NH, promises made not able to be kept BUT we tried our utmost best and she would fully understand that if she was able to think properly. I admire all who are able to do the caring themselves at home, we tried and tried, and sadly failed. We can only do our best, and the NH she is in now is brilliant, and we are at least trying to live our lives again, it began to be just impossible and also more importantly unsafe for her to not be in the NH. Just keep looking forward and keep talking and screaming! Good Luck
Sooe xxxxxx