Heartbroken!!! Bring back my mum

[jillywak]

Hi All
I have been around since july but have only logged on a couple iof times as been a bit in denial. Well its all so real now. My poor young Mummy aged (57) had a fall in december and broke both her wrists and was black and blue thisis while we assumed she was safe yet she has NO idea how this happened. Mum was taken to hospital and has since been taken to a home for 6 weeks. I brought mum to me for 4 days over christmas as she is completely dependant.I now realise that mum may nnever be safe to go home. The prospect of this seems so overwhelming. i am trulkt heartbroken and feel like i am grieveing someone who has potentially years to live. The aricept has if anything made her worse and after expecting some ompovment have been left with this whole night mare and heart braking decions to make. I am so so so sad right nnow and just needed to share this as it has been a very very tough old time. I left mum at the home today and she couldnt grasp saying goodbye whilst finding the smoke room, It was too confusing...God did I cry..Love to all of you going through this . Jill x

 

[Mameeskye]

HI Jill

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

I remember feeling very similar as Mum slipped further and further into the hell that is dementia. It was so hard as she was gone, yet still there.

You may find that although your Mum does not come home again that she does improve within the NH as they are so used to working with residents in this situation. Even if she does stay in the home you can still go out and have fun. It also becomes easier as it becomes a way of life, where you have security as your Mum is looked after so you have time and energy to do the fun things again.

It is hard, and yes, allow yourself to grieve, it is natural as you are losing your Mum to an illness and lose the hopes and dreams that you would have had for the future, to share with her.

It is not easy.

((hugs)) speak louder than words.

Love

Mameeskye

 

[roundy]

Hi jill.
Just read your post from today,I have also replied to the post you sent me.
Got better picture now of whats going on your end. Jill,why is it that some people can put their mums,dads etc in these places, I know my sisters are screaming at me to do it and I just cant do it. Am I being too soft or am I an emotional wreck not being strong enough.
All I do know its breaking my heart as I know it is you too. As much as people try and tell us its for the best(we know it is!)it doesn't stop that pain.
I know when Monday comes my mums cpn will be on to me asking me for a day which am taking her in as I have put it off for about six weeks(since social services said she must go in a home)
Your mum sounds just like mine,if she can have a smoke she is fine!
You just cry it out, I know I will be in a few days.I know exactly how you are feeling right now.Am right here!
Love Lisa.x

 

[amnmont]

Jillywak I really feel for you - my mum went into a home for two weeks respite just before Christmas. It is now a permanent situation for her and like you felt like i was grieving when she went in. I grieved when she got diagnosed three years ago and then again when she went into the home. She is only 60 so is too a young lady. However, since being in the care home I have realised that she is well cared for, safe and like mammeeskye says they are used to working with residents like this. She is actually really happy and although I would obviously prefer her to be in her own home again i find it ok and can have a little chat with the other residents which I hope they enjoy too. Big hugs to you xx

 

[Margarita]

My poor young Mummy aged (57) had a fall in december and broke both her wrists and was black and blue thisis while we assumed she was safe yet she has NO idea how this happened.

So sorry to read that has happen , must of been traumatic.

Even thought my mother live with me, my mother had a few falls with me . My mother turning 80 now , but when she started to fall in her 60s, had a really nasty fall that she fell on a spike in the street , sleeting a wrist open , mum was not living with me at that time , but her walking was fine, but getting worse , just that the dementia got the better of her, so was always losing her balance .

has your mother had an assessment on her walking by an OT ?

Wishing you both all the best xx

 

[roundy]

hi again Jill
Just wanted to say, I have read back my message to you and instead of trying to make you feel better,I think I was far too negative,sorry.When I start I find myself rambling on,its just an emotional rollercoaster.
We should take notice of the people who have their mum,dad,spouse already in a home,they have done it and come through the other side and the general feeling is that we will never get over it but it will get easier and are mums will be safe and thats the main thing. This is a great site for shaking you out of your own self pity.
Love Lisa.xx

 

[Sooe]

Just had to reply

Hi Jill
Your post took me right back to November, MIL had to go into a Nursing home, after nearly 3 weeks in hospital, we finally had to admit defeat and realise we just could not cope with her at home any longer. Hated ourselves and everything and everyone else for giving us such a tough decision to make. Its still hard, some days harder than others.....BUT there are some great Nursing Homes out there, we struck gold, after a hellish rushed search with no notice or help from hospital or social services, we were told we had only 2 days to find a nursing home before she had to leave the hopsital - so know how you are feeling right now. Today I visited MIL and quietly watched her try and talk to another resident, they all understand in their own ways and it humbled me to watch her, today was a good day!! even tho she was having her baby (YES 85 and she was having a baby, and she was only 17!!!) Sometimes we just can't cope any longer, the staff cope admirably and eventually I hope you begin to feel better and less panicked, but I have to say it doesn't really get easier - again its just a different way of life we have to try and cope with, try not to feel the guilt, you have none! we can only cope 24/7 for so long and then we need help!!!
Good Luck and hope your feeling better and more positive soon. As for continuing to cope at home, sadly sometimes its possible other times its just simply not. We each have to do the best we can for our own situations.

Good Luck and hugs
Sooe xxxxx

 

[Margaret W]

Dear all,

Sooe has it right - there comes a time when you just realise that there is no alternative to a Home. We all hate making that decision, but there are not many on this forum who will wish they hadn't done it. It took my mum several months, maybe even a year, to settle in the home, but in the last few months of her life she was happy again and it was clearly the right place for her to be, I just wish she had enjoyed it for longer.

Hold tight, it will work out for the best.

Post on here at any time.

Love

Margaret