What I miss the most

[daughter]

"It really breaks my heart and I can do nothing"

... and yet you all do everything anyone possibly could do - and more. I know this from watching my Mum tend and care for my Dad.

I miss my Dad making my Mum laugh like no-one else can. I miss talking about gardening with him; him reading out the clues of a crossword for us to guess; his practical help; his optimism; his laugh; his easy-going nature; how great he was with my children. I miss him just being him.

 

[noodle31]

Hi

I just miss my dad.....

the person that is there isnt my dad anymore....

love jane x

 

[Norman]

Jane
Your Dad is still in there somewhere.
Love him and comfort him and sometimes he will cime through,if only for a flash.
We have to seize thse precious moments,as they happen.
Thinking of you
Warm wishes
Norman

 

[noodle31]

Hi Norman

yes you are right, he is in there somewhere....i glimpsed him briefly last night

thank you

love Jane x

 

[Ol'Dutch]

They are there alright !

Hello Jane and Norman,
O yes ,it is important not to loose your belief in their real self being hidden somewhere in all the strange and alien behaviours. For more then a week Pat, my wife, was not there ,not eating or drinking, very unstable and snoozing all day on the sofa. But today she did agree to have me giving her a bath and coming in the kitchen and when dishing up her dinner she looked at me and said " Hi, love, haven't seen you around for some time". This took me aback and brought tears to my eyes as she has not addressed me in this way for many a month !
my best and kindest wishes to you all,
Ol'Dutch

 

[Brucie]

Hi Ol'Dutch

" Hi, love, haven't seen you around for some time".

Boy, what I'd give to hear that!

Your post makes an interesting point. We often write about visiting, caring, etc and occasionally seeing their old self appearing if only momentarily. Clearly, they have the same experience - they see us regularly, yet don't necessarily see that it is us.

It is as if we are all in a vast fog. Sometimes we see them in the distance but they don't see us. Perhaps they see us sometimes but can't quite place us. Maybe sometimes they recognise us but can't make us realise that. Other times they see us and the fog stops them from seeing any recognisable features.

But other times, at random, we bump into them face-to-face and for a moment the fog clears and there we both are.

Then the fog swirls in again.

Bloody fog!

 

[jks]

'The weather today in Alzheimer-Land will be foggy, with occasional bright spells. There may be patches of ice underfoot, so tread carefully. Outlook is changeable'.

 

[connie]

Dear jks, noticed you posted from West Yorkshire. Funny that the weather is so very similar here in the South East . Hoping for a few more sunny spells. Regards Connie

 

[Nutty Nan]

Dear jks, the ice underfoot I can usually cope with - the tricky things are the eggshells we are constantly walking on ......
Hope 'the sun will come out tomorrow'!

 

[Bets]

What I miss most

I am a new registered user and this is my first post.

I live with my husband of forty-two years, who was diagnosed with vascular dementia three and a half years ago although, looking back, had been showing symptoms for nearly three years prior to that.

Apart from having lost my best friend, companion, and support, I miss his cooking.
My husband is twelve years older than me, so retired some years before I did.
When I got home from work, he was always in the kitchen, making dinner, and was a wonderful cook. Now he can't remember that he used to cook, let alone how much he enjoyed it.

 

[chrissieL]

Hi Bets,
Welcome to TP. I'm sure you'll get lot's of support here.
I know what you mean, I can't say my husband was a wonderful cook, but he did like to try and was a very handy veg. preparer. He is nearly 28 yrs older than me and Vascular dementia wasn't on my menu when I married him nearly 33yrs ago, but that's life I s'pose.

 

[connie]

Hello all, well here we are at post 32......I look back at my early reply......"I miss being me.".........I still stand by that but.. you make me feel so small. You wonderful people out there who ONLY see this world with their loved ones in view, I SALUTE YOU ALL. Love and best wishes, Connie

 

[Brucie]

Hi Connie,

Crazy girl. Don't you think that at times we all miss being the us we once could be with the person we were us with? [if you figure that one out, please clarify it for me ]

You put it so well, it just didn't need repeating, that's all.

But in a way, is it so different from what happens at other times?

Times when we miss the person we were when we were a child, without responsibilities, and being cared for by parents, grandparents.

Times when we miss the person we were when we first left school, or took our first job, or met that person we always thought we'd be with.

We'll always miss the tomorrows that couldn't happen, but we also try and make the todays as good as they can be.

So small? Not a chance, you've a big heart. Can't be small when you have that.

 

[Norman]

Connie
Bruce has really said it all but I would second all that he did say.
I have told you before ,you are unique,there aint another Connie and we all love you.
You are wiser than the original Connie and have proved how caring you are.
Love
Norman

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I miss my mother who was the Rock of Gibraltar for me. I used to joke with people & say "I'll tell my mother on you". She was so there, so strong, always at my back. I was so protected by her. I want my mother back.