Tired so tired

[Kennyboy]

well what can I say, we have been dropped into this situation as the result of my sons grandfathers death, his Nan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 6 months ago she is at stage 4/5. We are helping to look after her doing 5 nights and 5 days, my son and his brother both work really long hours and their wives work too, they also have young families, so we said we would help out in the interim period until they got a care firm on board. She is waking us up regularly at between 3-4 am and I keep telling her it’s the middle of the night. She woke us up at 3am this morning I told her it was the middle of the night and that we were not getting up, she went back to bed reluctantly then at 6.40 she stormed into our room shouting at us « are you getting up at all today » I quietly told her not to speak to me like that and that you can not get up at 3am it’s the middle of the night « she said I can do whatever I bloody want to ». And since then I have had the silent treatment.
My sons Nan was always volatile and nasty before the Alzheimer’s her and her husband were very wealthy but unfortunately it gave them the attitude that they could speak to people like dirt, money has given them an arrogance, they had a very toxic unhappy marriage and basically stayed together again because of money. We are starting carers next week as I have told my son we can not carry on as I have a number of serious health issues myself, my worry is that if she treats the carers like that would the company decide to pull out, she can be really aggressive her and her husband regularly came to blows with her being as bad as him physically hitting each other. Honestly I could have walked out today, it’s only because I know she would be at risk if left alone that’s keeping me here, and of course she thinks there is nothing wrong with her, should we remind her that she does have Alzheimer’s or not, I’m going to contact her nurse today to get medication to help her sleep as non of us can function on 4 hrs sleep a night. So sorry to moan but you are the only people who really understand what we are going through. Any advice welcome thanks

 

[canary]

Getting day and night muddled up is very common in dementia.
Mum used to wake up at 3:00am and think it was morning and she needed to get up. Equally, she used to wake up after an afternoon nap and think it was morning then too! I think she had lost her internal sense of what part of the day it was and every time she woke up she thought it was morning.

Im afraid that arguing with someone with dementia will get you nowhere apart from making them angry. The ability to follow a logically conversation gets lost and all that is left is them knowing they are right
What happens if you remind her that she has dementia? Not believing that you have anything wrong with you is itself a symptom of dementia (called anosognosia) and it sounds like your sons nan has this. If any one told my mum that she had Alzheimers/dementia she would get very angry and deny everything, so I never used these words. She would admit that "her memory wasnt what it was", although she put this down to old age, so I used to talk about her "bad memory"

If you want someone with dementia to do something, you cant use reason and logic, so you have to be sneaky and come up with some other reason that they will accept

Have you seen the link to Compassionate Communication? You might find it helpful
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...n-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/#post-413710

 

[Kennyboy]

Getting day and night muddled up is very common in dementia.
Mum used to wake up at 3:00am and think it was morning and she needed to get up. Equally, she used to wake up after an afternoon nap and think it was morning then too! I think she had lost her internal sense of what part of the day it was and every time she woke up she thought it was morning.

Im afraid that arguing with someone with dementia will get you nowhere apart from making them angry. The ability to follow a logically conversation gets lost and all that is left is them knowing they are right
What happens if you remind her that she has dementia? Not believing that you have anything wrong with you is itself a symptom of dementia (called anosognosia) and it sounds like your sons nan has this. If any one told my mum that she had Alzheimers/dementia she would get very angry and deny everything, so I never used these words. She would admit that "her memory wasnt what it was", although she put this down to old age, so I used to talk about her "bad memory"

If you want someone with dementia to do something, you cant use reason and logic, so you have to be sneaky and come up with some other reason that they will accept

Have you seen the link to Compassionate Communication? You might find it helpful
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...n-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/#post-413710

Th

Getting day and night muddled up is very common in dementia.
Mum used to wake up at 3:00am and think it was morning and she needed to get up. Equally, she used to wake up after an afternoon nap and think it was morning then too! I think she had lost her internal sense of what part of the day it was and every time she woke up she thought it was morning.

Im afraid that arguing with someone with dementia will get you nowhere apart from making them angry. The ability to follow a logically conversation gets lost and all that is left is them knowing they are right
What happens if you remind her that she has dementia? Not believing that you have anything wrong with you is itself a symptom of dementia (called anosognosia) and it sounds like your sons nan has this. If any one told my mum that she had Alzheimers/dementia she would get very angry and deny everything, so I never used these words. She would admit that "her memory wasnt what it was", although she put this down to old age, so I used to talk about her "bad memory"

If you want someone with dementia to do something, you cant use reason and logic, so you have to be sneaky and come up with some other reason that they will accept

Have you seen the link to Compassionate Communication? You might find it helpful
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...n-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/#post-413710

Thank you for your reply, I’ve seen the compassionate communication document, I don’t argue with her I just very calmly ask her not to speak to me like that, shouting and screaming at me, even though she has Alzheimer’s she can’t speak to people like that and she does know that it’s wrong she is lucid enough to understand that. I know that it’s a symptom of Alzheimer’s not to know there is anything is wrong, but when she says I can manage on my own what do you say to that, we know she can’t. I do worry about what the carers will do and I know some people say ah well it’s their job, well I know it is but surely they should be treated properly. It’s a really hard situation which is not helped by her personality seeing as she is aggressive normally the Alzheimer’s will just make this worse.

 

[Woo2]

My mum too gives me the silent treatment if I have done something she perceives is wrong , she used to spend days in her room when living with my dad . They did used to argue a fair bit . I have learnt very quickly not to let her stew , I go in there with a cup of tea and biscuits or cake and a smile , it’s incredibly hard sometimes but I read multiple members say on here that you have to apologise for everything and it’s usually not your fault but it is easier than leaving them to fester . I normally moan and scream in my head whilst smiling. Harder for you as not directly related I guess . I agree with @canary , why remind her, it won’t make any difference except maybe upset her and create negative feelings , best to try and keep her as calm as possible . Tablets for sleeping sound a must ASAP , they didn’t use sleep deprivation as a form of torture for no reason ! Take care and I hope things settle soon .