Good morning,
Feeling a bit lost and not sure if anyone will read or reply to this - but might help order my thoughts writing them somewhere.
My mother lives alone about 500 miles from me. She is a very private person and never talks in any detail about anything personal. We have a good relationship despite this, but in recent years she has increasingly put me off visiting and phoning - preferring email and I realised at some point this was 'masking' how difficult she was finding coping, but stubbornly refused all help. From about 6 months ago she was obviously suffering from dementia and really struggling; not eating properly, mixed up about medication, not managing the stairs up to her flat. Her GP wouldnt talk to me at all without my mums consent, and my mum wouldnt give this and was also refusing all other offers of support.
A few weeks ago she was admitted to hospital and asked them 'not to bother me'; although I easily found her when there was no reply to email or phone. While she is over the chest infection, she is now frail, barely mobilising, and a shadow of her former self. Knowing she was going downhill she recently gave her lawyer power of attorney. As her lawyer has POA and the nurses recorded her initial desire not to bother me as 'son not to be contacted' in notes, the staff seem to presume something more sinister going on and the hospital social worker will only discuss her plans with her lawyer. I can only presume her plan was to be independent and avoid being a 'burden' to me; I doubt she realised the unintended consequences...
The consultant feels she no longer has 'capacity' to make decisions. I do know from conversations with her and her emails that she had realised in recent months that she needed to move into ground floor 'sheltered' accommodation and had started progressing this to the best of her ability. The social worker is determined however to get her back into her top floor flat which feels dangerous, inappropriate and against my mothers wishes.
I am now feeling completely lost and powerless and not sure what if anything I should be doing... back at home 500 miles from her pacing around and not able to concentrate on work...
Feeling a bit lost and not sure if anyone will read or reply to this - but might help order my thoughts writing them somewhere.
My mother lives alone about 500 miles from me. She is a very private person and never talks in any detail about anything personal. We have a good relationship despite this, but in recent years she has increasingly put me off visiting and phoning - preferring email and I realised at some point this was 'masking' how difficult she was finding coping, but stubbornly refused all help. From about 6 months ago she was obviously suffering from dementia and really struggling; not eating properly, mixed up about medication, not managing the stairs up to her flat. Her GP wouldnt talk to me at all without my mums consent, and my mum wouldnt give this and was also refusing all other offers of support.
A few weeks ago she was admitted to hospital and asked them 'not to bother me'; although I easily found her when there was no reply to email or phone. While she is over the chest infection, she is now frail, barely mobilising, and a shadow of her former self. Knowing she was going downhill she recently gave her lawyer power of attorney. As her lawyer has POA and the nurses recorded her initial desire not to bother me as 'son not to be contacted' in notes, the staff seem to presume something more sinister going on and the hospital social worker will only discuss her plans with her lawyer. I can only presume her plan was to be independent and avoid being a 'burden' to me; I doubt she realised the unintended consequences...
The consultant feels she no longer has 'capacity' to make decisions. I do know from conversations with her and her emails that she had realised in recent months that she needed to move into ground floor 'sheltered' accommodation and had started progressing this to the best of her ability. The social worker is determined however to get her back into her top floor flat which feels dangerous, inappropriate and against my mothers wishes.
I am now feeling completely lost and powerless and not sure what if anything I should be doing... back at home 500 miles from her pacing around and not able to concentrate on work...