Missing Necklace at care home

[TuscanSun]

Hi - I have just got back from visiting my mum in her care home. Sadly she has lost her gold necklace. This necklace was sentimental value from my father, it is a beautiful necklace that mum never takes off (until yesterday!!). She said she was sitting on her bed and took it off to clean it and then it fell on floor. Anyway it is now not on the floor so along with two carers we have searched her room thoroughly. Nothing. Yes I know she probably should not have been wearing it and I should have taken it from her but I honestly have never seen her without it. I didn't think she could even get it off. I have now removed all her jewellery and watch apart from her wedding ring which she cannot shift due to swollen fingers. I feel as if I am to blame as I should have realised that she would do that - she puts things in all sorts of places, inside plant pots, old envelopes etc etc .....The care home have said that things always turn up and they have a photo of mum wearing the necklace. Fingers crossed.
Moral to the story is when your relative goes into a care home please remove any precious jewellery and replace if needs be with costume jewellery. I wish I was told this when mum entered her home last November. I feel very sad as although its only a necklace it was Mum - she loved her jewellery.
Has anyone had a similar experience?

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I'm afraid I have - about a year ago. Mum had a heavy gold bracelet and fine gold neck chain. I shouldn't have left them but she loved her jewellery.

Both pieces stayed in place, i.e. they were never removed for washing. Mum could not have removed either herself. Yet they disappeared one day - I don't know exactly when as I'm not there all the time and mum doesn't remember. But they are gone.

The CH manager agreed - regretfully - it could only have been one of the staff. She was very upset and apologetic but realised as I did there was no way to prove anything as there would have been no witnesses. Lesson learned I have since taken in a load of costume jewellery which she loves/hates/claims is not hers...

However... that doesn't mean that's what has happened to your mum's necklace. Perhaps she has hidden it, i.e. put it somewhere really, really safe...? Beware, as 'safe places' can include inside bins or even down the loo.

Hope you find it.

 

[jaymor]

It could have been on or in the bed and caught up when the bed was stripped and laundered. It could have been placed in a bin that has been emptied. There are dozens of places, if not hundreds of places someone with dementia could place or hide something. My husband never ceased to amaze me as to the places he would put things to keep them safe.

 

[TuscanSun]

I'm afraid I have - about a year ago. Mum had a heavy gold bracelet and fine gold neck chain. I shouldn't have left them but she loved her jewellery.

Both pieces stayed in place, i.e. they were never removed for washing. Mum could not have removed either herself. Yet they disappeared one day - I don't know exactly when as I'm not there all the time and mum doesn't remember. But they are gone.

The CH manager agreed - regretfully - it could only have been one of the staff. She was very upset and apologetic but realised as I did there was no way to prove anything as there would have been no witnesses. Lesson learned I have since taken in a load of costume jewellery which she loves/hates/claims is not hers...

However... that doesn't mean that's what has happened to your mum's necklace. Perhaps she has hidden it, i.e. put it somewhere really, really safe...? Beware, as 'safe places' can include inside bins or even down the loo.

Hope you find it.

Thank you for your reply. Yes it could be anywhere - I found a bra in a packet of chiropody pads this morning when looking for the necklace !

 

[TuscanSun]

It could have been on or in the bed and caught up when the bed was stripped and laundered. It could have been placed in a bin that has been emptied. There are dozens of places, if not hundreds of places someone with dementia could place or hide something. My husband never ceased to amaze me as to the places he would put things to keep them safe.

 

[nitram]

Expanding on

There are dozens of places, if not hundreds of places someone with dementia could place or hide something.

She may have cleaned it and then put it somewhere 'very safe' so she could handle it again, taking it off may have been difficult.

'Very safe' places are quite often double layered, wrapped in tissue paper and put in a sock which is then put at the back of the sock drawer for extra safety type of thing.

 

[TuscanSun]

Yes very true. We stripped the bed this morning. They are checking at the laundry too. Thank you for your reply.

 

[TuscanSun]

Expanding on



She may have cleaned it and then put it somewhere 'very safe' so she could handle it again, taking it off may have been difficult.

'Very safe' places are quite often double layered, wrapped in tissue paper and put in a sock which is then put at the back of the sock drawer for extra safety type of thing.

Thank you - just hoping it didn't get put in an old envelope and thrown in rubbish bin !

 

[Helly68]

Just an associated thing - be careful with wedding rings on swollen fingers. I had to "cut" my Mum's wedding ring off as it became uncomfortably tight. If it doesn't bother her it is probably fine. You can get ring cutters online and it your PWD sits still it isn't too hard to remove a ring.

 

[canary]

My mum insisted on wearing her engagement and eternity rings as well as her wedding ring. I had never seen her without them, but one day she wasnt wearing them. They did turn up - they had been left in a communal bathroom and I think it likely that mum went to the loo there and took off the rings to wash her hands. Other things went missing too - there was a resident who was a bit of a magpie and picked up things that took her fancy, including mums glasses and her walking stick. The housekeepers found the missing things in the residents room and everything was labelled, so it was returned to mum.

 

[TuscanSun]

My mum insisted on wearing her engagement and eternity rings as well as her wedding ring. I had never seen her without them, but one day she wasnt wearing them. They did turn up - they had been left in a communal bathroom and I think it likely that mum went to the loo there and took off the rings to wash her hands. Other things went missing too - there was a resident who was a bit of a magpie and picked up things that took her fancy, including mums glasses and her walking stick. The housekeepers found the missing things in the residents room and everything was labelled, so it was returned to mum.

Gosh glad they turned up for you! Yes there are a couple of 'magpies' where Mum is. Staff are going to check rooms.

 

[nitram]

Yes there are a couple of 'magpies' where Mum is. Staff are going to check rooms.

Just hoping experienced staff have an inkling about where 'magpies' consider a safe storage place!!!!

 

[Suzy C]

Hi - I have just got back from visiting my mum in her care home. Sadly she has lost her gold necklace. This necklace was sentimental value from my father, it is a beautiful necklace that mum never takes off (until yesterday!!). She said she was sitting on her bed and took it off to clean it and then it fell on floor. Anyway it is now not on the floor so along with two carers we have searched her room thoroughly. Nothing. Yes I know she probably should not have been wearing it and I should have taken it from her but I honestly have never seen her without it. I didn't think she could even get it off. I have now removed all her jewellery and watch apart from her wedding ring which she cannot shift due to swollen fingers. I feel as if I am to blame as I should have realised that she would do that - she puts things in all sorts of places, inside plant pots, old envelopes etc etc .....The care home have said that things always turn up and they have a photo of mum wearing the necklace. Fingers crossed.
Moral to the story is when your relative goes into a care home please remove any precious jewellery and replace if needs be with costume jewellery. I wish I was told this when mum entered her home last November. I feel very sad as although its only a necklace it was Mum - she loved her jewellery.
Has anyone had a similar experience?

I totally sympathise. My husband lost his lovely watch in a care home the second week, also his glasses and his wallet, I hasten to say the only things in the wallet was a picture of us together. But I was very upset about the watch. He now wears a £10 watch from the market which off course has never got lost! I didn't realise this was so common in homes, You also have to remember the other residents go into everyone's rooms on a dementia unit and just take anything that gets their attention. Word of warning to any one having carers come into the home, my mum's jewelry all disappeared and of course you cannot know if it is the carer or the person with dementia. But we never left any good jewelry out again. Most carers are lovely but there are some who take the opportunity. I hope your mum's necklace turns up, you never know.

 

[nitram]

Word of warning to any one having carers come into the home, my mum's jewelry all disappeared and of course you cannot know if it is the carer or the person with dementia.

Always mention it to the care company without any accusation.
If everybody does this any miscreant could soon be brought to task.

 

[Sirena]

I hope you find your mother's necklace - as the staff say, things do usually turn up again. The only thing my mother ever lost was a jumper (unlabelled) and when I provided a photo it turned up the following week.

The care home manager told me not to bring in anything valuable (in either monetary or sentimental terms) because it may well go missing. My mother lost interest in jewelry by the time she went into a CH, but some of it had already disappeared from her flat - she had a phase of recycling/throwing things out or hiding them so safely they were never found again. I suspect she also gave some things to a 'friend' who was preying on her. So the only things of any value to her in the CH are her cuddly toys, and they have stayed around fairly reliably!

 

[TuscanSun]

Many thanks for all your replies. I just have to hope now that it turns up. I guess I have learnt a hard lesson. It was very hard though taking Mum's watch and the rest of her jewellery off her today.