Feeling alright - not feeling too good myself

[northumbrian_k]

I am out of sorts and rather emotional today. My wife has been quite disruptive in her care home again, going in and out of bedrooms, pushing staff away and so on. She has been putting clothes and other things on other people's beds, including on top of a lady who is not well and currently bed-ridden (she probably did not even notice the lady). Staff have had to keep doors locked which they don't like to do as residents should be able to go to their own rooms at will. It bothers me that some staff don’t seem to have much time for or patience with her. There is nothing wrong with their standard of care but some just don’t seem to like her. Others seem quite fond of her. I can often guess what her mood will be like by which staff member opens the front door.

She was very unsettled yesterday. I noticed a bruise on her forearm. The Deputy Manager said that it was probably from her banging on the locked bedroom door and that seemed to make sense. I am hoping that the GP who is seeing her today might be able to prescribe something to keep her a bit calmer. I would hate to get to a point when the home says that it is not willing to look after her but fear that it might come to that if she can’t be calmed down. It is a shame that this has happened as she fitted in very well at first, but then dementia is progressive (or should that be regressive?) and ever-changing.

I felt reassured after speaking to one of the senior carers by telephone today. She said that the home would do its best to understand what is causing my wife's agitation and to help her get past it, whether through some kind of behavioural strategy or possibly medication. She said that the home would ‘never’ ask me to find somewhere else. She is a member of care staff not management, though, so I’m not sure how firm a commitment that might be.

 

[Sarasa]

Oh @northumbrian_k , that is a worry. My mother's care home too is looking into medication to help mum's mood as she has been very aggressive to staff. She's also 'lost' a lot of things. They tend to turn up in other bedrooms. Not sure if that's because mum isn't sure which one is hers, or because she thinks she should be able to go where she likes.
I hope a solution is found soon for both our loved ones. Care homes should be able to deal with this sort of stuff, but I find it all so depressing, as I was hoping mum would settle and regain some of her 'true self'.

 

[northumbrian_k]

My wife was a lot calmer and in a better mood when I visited with my sister earlier today. A good game of keepy uppy with a balloon helped pass the time and my wife seemed to get a lot of pleasure out of thumping it as hard as possible. No talk of going 'home', a single enquiry about the dog (he's asleep said I) and no problem when we came to leave. She even said something complimentary about me! She wouldn't let the hairdresser give her a wash and blow dry, preferring to keep her hat on. That is not such an issue now that she is having more frequent baths and getting her hair washed. It may be that we'll have to give up on hair colouring as well as she will not sit still for long enough. There aren't any mirrors so seeing herself with all grey hair will not come as a challenge and it may actually suit her.

It seems that every visit is different, sometimes good, other times more challenging. It is the nature of the disease and, today at least, I am feeling a bit more like my rational self.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so glad things seem to be working out for you both.

 

[Starting on a journey]

Re hair colouring....if she sits for a blow dry you can buy coloured moose (we buy golden blonde) it's not as good as dye or highlights but it's quick and easy to put on.

 

[Grannie G]

Everyone`s fears when behaviours change is that the home will not be prepared to accommodate that person any longer.

I`m so glad your wife`s home has reassured you @northumbrian_k. It`s painful enough to witness these changes without having to worry about finding a new home too.

Dementia is often unpredictable and care home know that and should be able to deal with it.

 

[northumbrian_k]

A nurse from the Challenging Behaviour team called me today after she had been to the home to interview my wife and talk to the staff. She asked for some background and I gave her a potted history of the last few months leading up to my wife's care home admission. During our 40 minute conversation I got a good impression of her knowledge about dementia - sundowning and confabulation came up - and a clear feeling that her aim is to do the best for my wife in her current environment. I stressed that, from my visits and those of other family members, my wife seems to have lost many of her previous fears and obsessions, is more willing to engage with others and to sit still doing not very much. She also seems to derive some comfort from being able to 'see' her gran's house.

Somewhat ironically, of course, I am now in the position of others who might once have visited for an hour or so when my wife was still living here. Unlike casual visitors, though, I'm fully aware from having lived through it that her behaviour can worsen throughout the day and into the evening.

My primary interest is in keeping my wife safe and well. I like her care home and the staff and I think that she does too. We have a common interest in finding a solution to some of her more disruptive activities and working together to make her life in the home as good as possible, whilst respecting the privacy and dignity of the other residents.

The nurse rang me back later, having had a chance to speak to medical colleagues. As a short term solution a low dosage of Lorazepam has been prescribed for use in situations of high agitation. This and addition of Memantine to her regular cocktail of medications may start to have the desired effects.

 

[Sarasa]

@northumbrian_k , that's good news. I'm glad they are working on finding a solution to helping your wife settle more.